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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think the following are BASIC table manners?

47 replies

ChristmasTreeTrunkThighs · 28/12/2008 08:38

  1. Wait until everyone has been served before tucking in.
  1. Don't read the newspaper at the table.
  1. Wait until everyone has finished before leaving the table.
  1. Ignore your mobile phone. Definitely don't leave the room to chat on your mobile phone just as your dinner has been put in front of you.

Between DH and MIL all of the above were flouted during Christmas Dinner. Obviously the way DH was dragged up .

They are pretty basic rules though aren't they?

OP posts:
pantomimEDAMe · 28/12/2008 08:42

1 . Yes unless the cook says 'do start, don't wait for me'.

  1. Yes unless immediate family on an ordinary day - I often read the paper with my breakfast. And my extensive reading of classic crime fiction from the 30s, 40s and 50s suggests this was commonplace (although usually among men who are apparently allowed to be grumpy at breakfast time).
  1. Yes unless informal meal, with agreement.
  1. Yes.
ILikeToMoveItMoveIt · 28/12/2008 08:43

YANBU. I really can't be arsed if people don't know what cutlery to use or what side the glass and side plate should be, but all 4 of the above would really pee me off. It's rude.

MaureenMLove · 28/12/2008 08:45

How rude! Especially the newspaper one! During Christmas dinner? What a nice way to show your appreciation to the cook!

belgo · 28/12/2008 08:49
  1. Not in our house it's not.
  2. Try telling that to my dh
  3. Try telling that to dd1
  4. Absolutely. Mobile phones, hate the things.
goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 28/12/2008 08:51

on the whole I'd agree with you - however I'd defy ANY of you to stay at the table for the length of time it frequently takes DS2 to finish eating, he eats well, he eats lots, but my god he's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO slow sometimes

WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 08:54

God - my sister,MIL, M & D all did this on Xmas day despite DH saying in a loud voice to me"I'll wait for you to be ready before I start". Thank God my DCs have had it drummed into them to wait and to ask before leaving the table.

Out of 10 of us only me DH and MIL actually knew that there was a cheese course! Philistines including my 40 yo sister went off to feel pressies under the tree.

Fortunately we didn't have a paper to hand as I am doubtless that this would have been read at the table.

Cheeky buggers. But do you get the feeling that you would be considered 'a little unreasonable' if you asked them to sit down, wait for you to start after cooking and serving everyone and then bloody stay and make conversation with their host.

Ranting now - One year when kids really little remember DH and I sitting down to eat when everyone else had finished and all moaning that they wanted pud. We horsed our dinner down and quickly got the puds out and then spent all day clearing up!!!

Sister ABSOLUTELY doesn't ever offer to clear up

RUDE RUDE RUDE

pantomimEDAMe · 28/12/2008 08:56

perhaps you should have told people there was a cheese course?

vjg13 · 28/12/2008 08:58

Totally agree with your rules.

I don't think it's bad reading the paper when alone but my husband and FIL do it with other people and I HATE it.

WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 09:05

Oh we did tell them there was cheese. HUGE whole stilton that was mentioned a few times and eagerly awaited.

I just expect adults to be able to sit around the table and make an effort to talk to each other. I can understand the kids getting bored and they can leave us to have a quiet end to the food. But think it would have been polite for my folks to join us. They think they have to 'look after' the kids. But they are 13,9,8 and 8 FGS and will cope with 10 mins in their own home without an adult in the same room.

I sound a bit irrational about this and in truth am a very laid back host. The point is that you make an effort for your family and hope for a lovely time at the table and they can't really be bothered to make anything of it. Thank goodness my DCs are learning to enjoy eating in company as I think it is a very useful social skill that will help them in the long run

WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 09:11

DD has a friend whose family have to eat in silence which I think is too weird for comfort.

I know we are all different and different things are important to us but I hope that there are some basics that we can pass on to our kids.

lizziemun · 28/12/2008 10:09

I agree with all of your points. The only work mobile phone is dh phone as he is on call 24/7.

pamelat · 28/12/2008 10:17

I don't thing grandparents do 1 or 3.

My grandma started before most of us had even sat down.

Granddad got up before most had finished because he cant sit for long.

Phone is unacceptable (unless waiting for important news, maybe someone going in to labour?!)

Newspaper is only ok over a breakfast?

piscesmoon · 28/12/2008 10:20

YANBU -all the time, but especially on Christmas Day

Poledra · 28/12/2008 10:39

YANBU, though I will let DD1 and DD2 (4 and 2 years old) leave the table before everyone is finished if they ask properly. I don't see any point in making them sit there while the adults drink coffee. Had my in-laws and SIL for Christmas Day, and we only left the table when the wooden seats got too uncomfortable

WishItWouldSnow · 28/12/2008 10:52

Pamelat - isn't it funny, I would have thought that grandparents and generally the generation over the age of say 55 would be really hot on waiting for others to start, table etiquette and all that.

does this all hark back to times when food was not so plentifull and everyone was just plain hungry when they sat down

pamelat · 28/12/2008 12:30

Or do they think that being old gives them the entitlement to act however they like?!!

My grandma takes a very long time to eat so I think maybe she starts so as not to get too left behind, bless her.

I don't really mind but it does make me smile.

Podrick · 28/12/2008 12:35

Personally I think mobile phone rudeness is the worst of all. I think it is very rude to answer the phone during a meal unless there is a real emergency going on.

ByTheSea · 28/12/2008 12:43

I agree with all four.

bronze · 28/12/2008 12:48

Agree though at big (12+) family meals we sometimes let the various children down between courses while we adults pretend to be grown up.

hatwoman · 28/12/2008 12:58

I think that more casual family meals allow for some flexibility on those rules - and the degree of flexibility will vary depending on the meal/who's there/the family in question/personal preferences etc. but my jaw hit the floor when your post said that your dh and mil did this during christmas dinner. during any special meal that someone had put effort into, and/or that marks an occasion those things show respect and I think you're very reasonable to be annoyed.

twoluvlyNewYearsResolutions · 28/12/2008 13:17

YANBU, especially at Christmas.

I remember 1 Christmas (in fact, the only time I did it), for 10, all ILs except my 2 dcs, and by the time I sat down, they'd all finished!!!

I didn't mind the dcs eating, but the "adults".

Never invited them since....

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/12/2008 13:22

agree with all your rules, but no 4 can be bent,i knew my eldery ill aunt who lived in spain would ring at 3pm , and we were sitting down eating then so answered her call,but anyone else would ignore till after the meal

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 13:59

We'd be at the table forever in my house if we all waited until everyone had finished. I have no problem with kids starting before me.

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 14:05

I find it annoying when people let their young children get up and down from the table in my house without cleaning the bloody food of them!!!

naturalbornmum · 28/12/2008 14:06

Oh and really can't abide children running about in restaurants.