to think the following are BASIC table manners?

[ChristmasTreeTrunkThighs]

1. Wait until everyone has been served before tucking in.

1. Don't read the newspaper at the table.

1. Wait until everyone has finished before leaving the table.

1. Ignore your mobile phone. Definitely don't leave the room to chat on your mobile phone just as your dinner has been put in front of you.

Between DH and MIL all of the above were flouted during Christmas Dinner. Obviously the way DH was dragged up .

They are pretty basic rules though aren't they?

I don't mind small DCs getting down between courses to play, but I hate it in restaurants where they have nowhere to 'get down' to.

adults doing all of those things are very rude but kids i really don't mind what my ds does at meal times as long as he's happy but he's only 16 months, i will at some point in the next 16 years teach him how to behave!!!!

1. Wait until everyone has been served before tucking in. I AGREE BUT DP'S FRENCH FAMILY DON'T DO THIS AND I CANNOT CHANGE THEIR WAYS

1. Don't read the newspaper at the table. I DISAGREE FOR BREAKFAST ONLY BUT DP DISAGREES WITH ME

1. Wait until everyone has finished before leaving the table. I AGREE BUT IT IS HARD TO ENFORCE WHEN THERE ARE MANY GENERATIONS AND AGES AT THE TABLE

1. Ignore your mobile phone. Definitely don't leave the room to chat on your mobile phone just as your dinner has been put in front of you. I AGREE AND I ALSO THINK THAT NO TELEPHONE SHOULD BE ANSWERED DURING MEALS

Between DH and MIL all of the above were flouted during Christmas Dinner. Obviously the way DH was dragged up .

I remember a couple of Xmases ago I was at PILs for Christmas dinner. While I was sitll finishing my main course, MIL got up and started washing up at the sink (which I could see from where I was sitting). I felt so uncomfortable, and felt forced to leave some. I'm not a slow eater, but I like to chat during meal times and be sociable - took me ages to realise that DH's family aren't like this, and generally just seem to eat as fast as they can and then all leave the table as soon as they've finished.

It's just rude.....

Don't mind DCs tucking in before everyone is served, or getting down when finished (if they ask) but I do mind it if adults do either.

No reading at the table unless just DH and me. Hypocrites? Oh yes ;o.

I read books at the table.

Oh and naturalbornmum, I'm so with you on cleaning up children before they get down and smear it all over the house. My friends know their children will get wiped here . I just did it automatically to start with but now I do it deliberately on the grounds it's my house, my rules. Wouldn't assault a sub-two year old with a wet flannel if their mum was around, though, I'm not that harsh.

Yes I too read books at the table but not if I have company and certainly not at Xmas dinner as in OP!

I totally agree but do you not say anything????
We host Xmas dinner every year and I've made it totally clear to the dc's and the in laws the etiquette.

I suppose I am being too British and polite. I really want to tell them exactly how it is but know that I will be seen yet again as Little Miss Perfect who wants to control everyone....bit of history there.

Hmm, I don't know about #1...I would agree if you are in someones house, but if I cooked, I really wouldn't mind - I would want then to enjoy it when its hot.

Also if I am at a restaurant, and someone got served well before everyone else, I always encourage them to start, otherwise it may be cold before they get to eat.

I think its good manners for them to want to wait, but its goot manners for me to encourage them to start

I'm not really that big on the waiting till everyone is served type of thing. My dad takes AGES to put his food out, he's just fussy about how he does it, and the rest of us would just be sitting there awkwardly while he finishes. Also since having kids and trying to eat evening meal at parents whilst baby is napping I've got into the bad habit of bolting my food down whilst keeping an anxious ear out for wails on the monitor. Am always on tenterhooks and anxious to finish food so I can be in "mum mode" again. It is a particularly bad habit seeing as my youngest is now nearly 3.

There's something to be said for my PILs habit of doling out everyone's food on their plate in kitchen and bringing it to the table. MY mum puts everything onto serving dishes for the table, making more washing up, and to be honest, all that "can I serve you some carrots?" from my elderly aunt just gets on my wick as I'm trying to do something else. I'd rather people just help themselves to what they want and start eating. There's usually always someone who's havingn to go off and see to a baby, DC who needs the toilet or whatever too - are we supposed to wait till they come back?!

Do you think this waiting for other people before you start eating is some kind of throwback to cave-dwelling times? When food was scarce and you needed to make sure everyone had sonething to eat? I just don't get it otherwise.....seems very outdated.

For me, talking at length on a phone at a sit-down meal is rude. Certainly reading a book or newspaper is, except at breakfast. I especially hate people just getting up and doing their own thing as soon as they've finished, without informing anyone of where they're going, and why it's so important that they rush off.

Agree with all four, except mobile exception IF babysitter looking after children and therefore needs to be switched on.

It would really annoy me if someone would chat to friends/family while the rest of us are trying to eat.

Oh, and I HATE people tapping away on their Blackberrys while the rest of the table are trying to eat.

Paper OK at breakfast. Mobile phone a no no anytime.

Can't get too worked up about waiting for others. DH has a large and very excitable/easily distracted family so we would all have cold food by the time it is served.

Adults should stay put but small children should be allowed to leave the table until there is something for them to eat.

1. I just chuck everything onto silver service style platters (dh fortuitously acquired a job lot of them when moving into a new office previously owned by a catering company) - everyone passes the food round & starts whenever they're ready. Seemed to work for 6 adults & 4 children this year...

2. Reading is OK in our house if no visitors present. In practice I am the worst offender.

3. Children are permitted to leave the table if they have finished, ask nicely & can be trusted to amuse themselves.

4. No 'phone calls at table (text messages just about tolerated over family tea).

1. No, we never insist everyone has to wait until all have been served. Things would go cold else.

1. For Christmas dinner yes, normal meals no.

1. NO. Adults can leave as and when they please (me and my Mum were up and down all the time checking on stuff. Children can leave if I feel they have eaten a fair amount and they ask.

1. I hate mobile phones but I would prefer someone to leave the room to chat on it rather than talk at the table.

So no, I don;t think that those rules are basic table manners. Basic table manners is saying please and thank you and eating with cutlery in a civilised manner.

we did try Xmas dinner as a family but it didn't work. usually I eat while dh holds dd then he eats while I hold her. (she's 4 and loud)
Those rules a bit strict for 6 foot teenagers though.

Seems I am not being particularly unreasonable then

I am not so fussed about the children waiting to start and staying at the table. I do hate the fact that almost every evening I am left to finish my tea on my own because DH has 1. started before I've sat down and therefore is done before me and has 2. left before I've finished.

I also don't mind papers at breakfast.

no they aren't basic table manners really

basic stuff is please, thank you as sodor says

We don't do any of those things day to day, people can read at the table, no one has to wait once they have finished (except that one adult will always stay with a child who is no finished iyswim), no one has to wait before starting, etc etc.

BUT we have great, relaxed conversations at the table, and tbh no one ever really tries to read or answer the phone or anything .

Basic table manners: eating/behaving in such a way that it does NOT put others off their food (no burping, no rude comments either about the food or what anyone else has on their plates.

As for the specific examples:

1: Not unless it's a formal meal like Xmas, but even then I'm likely to say 'don't wait for me, it'll go cold'

2: For normal, everyday meals I always read a book at the table (newspaper too unwieldy) as reading and eating together is one of life's great pleasures. It's also the only chance I get to read, except on the loo. Wouldn't at Xmas or any other 'special' meal, though. At such times I expect to be entertained by the wit and wisdom of my companions.

3: Adults, unless afflicted with 'backs' and who therefore need to seek a comfier chair as soon as possible, are usually happy to stay at the table lingering over a chat and a glass of wine until the coffee course. I as the cook will be up and down constantly.

Children, however, may get down as soon as they have finished, and it is my experience that everyone is greatly relieved when they do.

I was once hit with the hitherto unknown to me 'don't leave the table without asking/everyone has finished' rule when staying with a strict aunt and four very cowed cousins. Meals in their house were stiff and uneasy affairs, in my own they were warm, happy and relaxed - which is how I wish it to be now I'm all growed up.

but on the plus side, your family must all feel so welcome and at home in your house that they behave as if they are at home! What an excellent host you must be!

A lot of the older generation have really strange ideas about table manners. When we were kids my grandma used to bark at us "All joints on the table should be carved", meaning we shouldn't be sitting with our elbows on the table! I mean, I can understand that one if your elbow is on the table and your hand is resting on your chin - you could well be blocking out the person sitting next to you which is bad manners. But if your forearms are actually resting on the table as well as your elbows then what is the problem?!