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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my sil should give up smoking cos she is preggars

33 replies

butterscotch · 28/12/2008 00:56

She is 34 and already high risk, a much wanted baby, she and ikkle bro (30) have been broody for years got married last Aug and she is still smoking 5 at least a day, and drinking (baileys) and only at 9 weeks don't get me wrong I love a drink being preggars was the hardest thing in the world to me not drinking not having some of fave foods but I did it because it is so important...I had a word with ikkle bro saying he needs to give up to help her.....I just hope the baby is okay

Should state I have never smoked but had to give up peanut butter (my daily fix) when pregnant but did it for my baby

OP posts:
pucca · 28/12/2008 00:59

Yes of course she should give up, but no offence you can hardly compare giving up smoking to giving up peanut butter

Also - preggars?

MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 28/12/2008 01:00

you ANBU, my mum smoked whilst she was pregnant and i had really bad ashma and my sister used to get really bad ear infections and ashma.

harleyd · 28/12/2008 01:01

my pet hate
of course she should
but she wont
get over it

LadyOfWaffle · 28/12/2008 01:04

YANBU, but I daresay many will say you are. Maybe gently slip to her the risks? Without sounding preachy. Amazing how first time round how little you actually know.

solidgoldstuffingballs · 28/12/2008 01:06

Mention it to her, tactfully, once. Then back off. It's her body and her pregnancy, and ultimately her choice.

MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 28/12/2008 01:08

I hate seeing pregnant woman smoking i understand that it is hard to give up but it is so selfish. i saw a heavily pregnant woman the other day with a young toddler, she was stood there puffing away and her DC started crying, she just pulled the hood over her DCs face so she couldn't hear her

It is nearly days though, maybe once she sees her first scan it is enough to make her stop smoking, i know people who that has been enough for them.

Re the drinking, people dont realise just how bad that can be for your DC, it can leave them perminantly affected.

Original poster
butterscotch · 28/12/2008 01:11

I haven't come out with the OMG I can't believe your smoking stuff at her don't want to alienate ..........I know giving up smoking is nothing like giving up peanut butter or wine when preggars but when I was preggars I would have begged to differ I guess for me I hope all is okay and would hate for something not to be and it be the result of smoking as I am sure the guilt of that would be the worst to live with wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy..........I guess its because we have know two babies die this year one during birth on 1.5 days old, both parents followed guidelines and still have had a sad outcome, and a friend who had a baby when we were 18 her son has loads of issues and she drank and smoke throughout pregnancy!
When I was born '75 people did smoke and so say there was nothing wrong with us.....I guess in this day and age I would hope it was obvious of the risks...
I will try not to say too much as I don't want alienate as pregnancy is already a mind field......

OP posts:
Original poster
butterscotch · 28/12/2008 01:14

meant to say my neighbours had twin babies she smoked heavily through pregnancy (stood outside as it was rented flat) and her twins were constantly ill and being rushed to hospital for stopping breathing etc....

OP posts:
reindeercantdancethetango · 28/12/2008 01:46

YANBU to think it. But there isn't much you can do.

Jacksmama · 28/12/2008 01:52

Are you kidding? Of course you're not being unreasonable. Why are you even asking?? The health risks of smoking and drinking while pregnant are well known to anyone who doesn't inhabit a subterranean cavern these days!
I think you're not so much asking if you're being unreasonable, as you are asking what you could or should say to her. I guess it depends if you feel you can do a bit of plain speaking: "you've wanted this baby for years, now do what you need to to give him or her the best chance. You know smoking and drinking are bad for the baby, so put the baby first and stop."
Or enlist your brother to speak to her. Tell him she's endangering the baby's health.
End of.

pooka · 28/12/2008 01:55

LIke others have said, YANBU to think it.

But is not your place to comment.

Jacksmama · 28/12/2008 02:05

What? What do you mean it's not her place to comment? If her SIL is daft enough to do something that brainless to her baby, she needs someone to speak to her!
I don't think the OP would have the right to go up to random pregnant stranger and tell her to stop smoking but surely she could say something to a relative? If I was being a complete fuckwit and doing something bad for my baby I'd deserve a relative to give me a talking-to!

Tortington · 28/12/2008 02:09
Vainglorious · 28/12/2008 02:13

Good God, you are being unreasonable, it's up to her whether she poisons her children through smoke and drink. She will have to live with it.

She is 34 and probably has seen the rounds of you should, you shouldn't and is really pissed off with other peoples interference.

Back off.

Vainglorious · 28/12/2008 02:13

Good God, you are being unreasonable, it's up to her whether she poisons her children through smoke and drink. She will have to live with it.

She is 34 and probably has seen the rounds of you should, you shouldn't and is really pissed off with other peoples interference.

Back off.

Vainglorious · 28/12/2008 02:15

Sorry, didn't mean to post twice.

Jacksmama · 28/12/2008 02:15

I'd like to know about the peanut butter too, actually.

kickassangel · 28/12/2008 02:17

MAY be linked to allergies. inconclusive but advised.

Tortington · 28/12/2008 02:19

inconclusive and bollocks.

harleyd · 28/12/2008 02:23

i get thru a jar of peanut butter a week and i aint the size of a bus!

Tortington · 28/12/2008 02:27

i have one on a saturday morning - fortnightly with a banana on a butty.

i am the size of a bus, but its really not the peanut butter to blame. its the macoys.

ghosty · 28/12/2008 02:30

YANBU to hate the fact your SIL smokes. You would be Unreasonable to comment though, as it is none of your business.
However: "Ikkle Bro"???? WTF?

ghosty · 28/12/2008 02:31

I eat peanut butter every day and I am definitely not the size of a bus. Am a size 10.

Jacksmama · 28/12/2008 02:32

Custy, did you mean you have a jar of PB on a Saturday morning?
And what are Macoys?
(Sorry, I am a colonial, so don't know.) [ignorant emoticon]

Tortington · 28/12/2008 02:34

no just a butty - a sandwich

mcCoys are crisp - sorry spelling