to feel bad for getting dd a BLUE bike?

[AliceTheCamelHasGotTheHump]

Dd is 2.8. She doesn't really understand about Christmas and Father Christmas, but is starting to get the idea, even if she's a bit confused about some aspects.

Well, Dp and I thought that a bicycle would be a great Christmas present for her. We sounded her out, and she was keen on the idea. We went to Toys R Us and chose a cute little turquoise and green bike with dinosaurs on it. On Christmas morning, she got up to find a BRAND NEW SHINY BICYCLE under the Christmas tree!!!

She was delighted.

Except... quite a few times since, she has come for a quiet cuddle and with a wobbly little lip asked me why Father Christmas brought her a blue bicycle? Why didn't he know that she would like a pink bicycle?

I've tried selling the blue / green one ("because your eyes are beautiful and green and they match!" / "because FC wanted it to match Ariel's beautiful tail!" / "Because you've got so much pink stuff that a BLUE bicycle would be SPECIAL!") but no dice.

I feel really bad, because I bought her a blue bicycle because I don't like the bubblegum pink saturation of small girls. If I had spent a millionth of a second's thought on what dd would like I would have bought her the sparkliest, pinkest, ribbonyest, garishest, bubblegumiest bicycle in the city.

But I didn't think of dd. I got all high-horsey and thought Small Girls Shouldn't Be Gender Steriotyped. And Grrrr To The Disneyfication Of My Daughter. And If I Buy Her A Blue Bike She Will Be A Lawyer For Human Rights, But If I Buy Her A Pink Bike She Will Be A Nail Technician.

I am crap. Crap crap crap. I feel crap.

She's not being a brat. She's very pleased to have a bicycle. She's just so sad that Father Christmas didnt care enough to get her a pink one. When she thinks about it she gets tearful.

Before anyone gets all cross with her for not being grateful, I'll repeat that she's only 2.8. She doesn't really understand much of what's going on.

Dp and I are considering swapping it for a pink one and saying that FC made a mistake and came back to fix it. We can afford to swap it, and put the blue dinosaur bike away until ds needs it in a couple of years from now.

I can't quite get past the idea that we're being heinously soft and over indulgent and are raising a horrible spoiled brat by swapping it. I thought I'd see what MNers think.

(I know I'm in AIBU, so please tell me straight, but don't be too mean!)

God I don't know if I'm exceptionally hormonal but your post has just made me cry I just can so see myself in your position in a couple of years time (DD is 6 months) and you sound really upset. Dp had to read the post to see what I was weeping about and says he reckons you should just swap the bike and not give it another moment's thought.... (although he is so smitten with our PFB he also said he would have bought her two bikes just in case!! )

I however would worry that swaping the bike would compound the idea that all girls stuff must be pink... even more so than if you had bought her a pink one in the first place IYSWIM. I'd be inclined to "pink her ride" to quote a previous post if she is still asking about it in a few days time but hopefully after some of your excellent reasons why FC chose her a blue bike have sunk in, as well as giving her time to have a good peddle on it, she will love it for what it is.

God I am dreading all this in years to come... especially as this post has indicated how me and DP are coming from totally different POV!

I'm a softy too and would either swap it or get another if I knew it could be used later.

DS is almost 6 and has always been allowed choice in what he has, after all we all have our own tastes and preferences.

I have never done the whole "wooden toys" or "non gender" toys, we have a mixture of everything and I dont mind at all.

Poor little dd and I can see why you are giving yourself a bit of flak, but I do think maybe you should give a bit of consideration to what you could be setting yourself up for in future - that FC is the guy who brings exactly what you want right down to every detail. I'm not sure that's something you want to be teaching her.

Gosh I sound mean. I don't mean it like that!

Tell her Father Christmas doesn't exist.

I think your dd has been really grateful, she has been very reasonable - she is just under 3 and she has not sceamed or stamped her feet (which many do if they grt the wrong breakfast bowl never mind the wrong first bike). I have to say I think she has shown herself to be an amasing child and real advertisment for your parenting skills.

If you had said she was having a paddy or whatever I would say she could live with it but she has not, if she was being unreasonable then the same - but she is not. SHe is being a grateful reasonable 2.8yo

Take it back, change it, pop it in the shed or whatever and tie on a note from FC saying He hopes she did not mind having to wait for the pink one but that she had been so good about it he did not want her to wait any longer. Make up whatever it takes to let her know her parents and FC are proud of her behaviour and give her an extra big pink hug

(Oh and stop beating yourself up - the pink stuff out there is pretty vom. inducing but you do get used to it eventually!)

I have one sister and we were often given the same gift from Santa but in two different colours. Without fail mine would be the blue version and my sister would be given the pink...and I have never forgotten the disappointment of receiving a boy doll as opposed to the cute girl baby with lovely clothes.

Later when as an adult I asked my mum about her reasons she didn't really belive me that it had been every year...so we had a look through old photos and there was me sitting on Christmas morning in new blue pjs and dressing gown with matching slippers. Next year a photograph pushing a blue pram with a boy baby. Or another year smiling in my new blue dress...whilst next to me stood my younger sister always always always in blooming pink!!!
Well mum was gobsmacked and said she must have done it without thinking...there was never any intention to only give me blue.
(But there had to be some instinct kicking in don't you think?)

Anyway a few years ago I was telling this story to some workmates - and the next morning a colleague presented me with a sparkly pink pencil sharpener!! He had spotted it in his DD schoolbag and she agreed to give it up for me...I still have the pencil sharpener in a drawer I was that touched.

Not sure if that helps at you at all though Alice!!

Swap it! You will wish you had every time you look at the blue and green one-and she will never love it as she would a pink one!

Ahhh bless her.

My dd is between two boys so her bikes have been hand-ons or have had to be handed on. She got a new bike for her once (in a size DS1 had skipped) but it was blue and silver. She knew it had to be unisex (ds2 now rides it).

Her current bike has had dolls seat, fluffy saddle, streamers and flowery basket added as a cost of £20 - a lot less than a new pink bike would have been.

I would do similar to DD if I were you.

I see others have said the same!

Also if you do have a younger DS, this is going to come up again and again.

I actually get really annoyed at the paucity ofgender-neutral bikes out there. We don't all have same-sex families y'know and if there's one thing that can be passed on (ie costs a lot and doesn't really wear out) it's a bike {grr}

I think she's doing very bloody well not to be getting Terrible Twos about this. Swedes, this child is barely of age to be continent of urine, you can't expect her to be continent of emotions, and sometimes, the lesson that "Sometimes life gives you what you want" is a better lesson than "YOu are stuck with what you are given. Do not try to change anything"

Swap it if you can afford it. She won't remember next year, you're teaching her nothing bad.

Clary I do agree on bikes. Why are they so expensive? I bought ds a bike a couple of years ago for over £100, and it weighed a ton, so not even a very good bike. I would certainly look at getting something that is hand-downable, and if customisation fixes the pink problem that seems a good option. Easier to customise something to a girly style than unpink it IYSWIM. My dd is now almost as big as my older ds, so no handme downs possible for us (although it is what I was brought up on as the youngest of four).

If ds had been the eldest, would you have bought him the pink bike?

We got our DD and DS a blue scooter and a blue/red/yellow bike (both to share) last Christmas, but fortunately DD was not bothered. She loves pink, but doesn't have loads of pink clothes or toys etc, so I guess she doesn't particularly expect her things to be pink.

I can really understand your gggrrr-ing at the princessification of your DD, and not wanting to go overboard with pink things...also being able to pass on things to your DS is a practical and sensible consideration I think. Its such a shame that everything is either for girls only or for boys only...there is so little non gender specific stuff around isn't there?

I don't think your DD is being bratty, but equally I don't think you should swap it. Like others have sugested, take her to the shops and let her choose a pink helmet and basket for the front, and she will soon forget her woes.

I had trouble when my parents took me to get my first bike, we got a marvellous red one, came back in the car and they gave it to mys big sister instead and I got her old blue one

that upset me
then I went on to have a succession of crappy coloured bikes, a Gresham Flyer which was beige with burgundy writing (I quite liked that actually) and later a hideous Hercules Folda when I started secondary school. nasty thing. It folded up once when I was riding it.

Then I got a proper grown up bike which was better.

Point being I am truly scarred for life but that prob has more to do with my parents insisting on us all riding everywhere and never having a car even for the long trips. And we had to do miserable gruelling 'fun' cycle journeys through the countryside then back for 8 miles along a busy road in the freezing rain with lorries thundering past.

SWAP THE BIKE!!!!!!!

Change it! and then run back to tell us you told her Santa had made a little mistake and realised as soon as he got back to the North Pole.

It's not spoiling the DCs for us to give them what makes us happy - and it would make you happy wouldn't it, to see her little face light up? Spoiling is when we give way to selfish, unreasonable, whiney demands - which this isn't. You won't raise a "horrible spoiled brat" by doing this.

I bet you are going to go out today and get one - aren't you

Oh bless her...just change it! It'll make santa even more real to her...because he listens!

Are you all mad? she should be extremely grateful to have a bike at all, and if you give in over this you will be creating a child who thinks thay can have their own way over everything. Santa doesn't do returns!

aww. ONly read op and most recent couple. I agree that you should buy with the receiver in mind and not yourself. You should have bought [pink if that's what she loves.

But I wouldn't swap it. That's what she was given, you both just have to accept it and enjoy the bike for what it is. It's not that big a deal.

And you, camel - think on next time

higgle, she's 2 FGS, you're expecting her to react like an adult not a child. They are instinctive creatures and teaching her a good hard lesson now won't stand her good stead for how hard life can be, it won't do serious damage either but she will always remember the blue dinosaur bike and wish it was a pink one and I can't see the harm in making a little girl happy.

She's only 2 AND she believes that the bike came from FC, not from her parents; she is sad and puzzled, not manipulative & demanding; she sounds delightful.

Please get her the pink one, Alice

Alice, where did you get the blue bile with dinosaurs on from?
I'm thinking of getting a bike for my dd for her birthday in April- she is a major fan of blue and dinosaurs. Faced with anything pink she just ignores it (and shudders slightly)

Vive la difference!

Well, after 73 messages, lots of good and clever advice, some alternative views succinctly put, and Darkmere reduced to tears (definitely the hormones), I'm sorry to sidle back for a bit of an anticlimax; dd has decided that she does like the blue dinosaur bike after all.

We let the whole thing drop for a while - bike tucked out of the way and no references made to it. Then I broached the subject of a helmet, and asked what colour helmet she might like to get. "Blue, to match my bike" apparently .

Me: [poking with a stick] Do you like your BLUE bike dd?
Her: Yes. It's my new blue bike. And I need a helmet. Can I ride it tomorrow? Mummy, Belle loves the beast doesn't she? Are you cooking supper? [cont. 2-year-old stream of conciousness for ever and ever].

Thanks anyway chaps.

Hooray. I hope she enjoys her bike.