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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

baby in the pub

80 replies

Amazoniancracker · 24/12/2008 20:01

..to think it's ok that my friend and I took our year old babies to the pub tonight at 6pm? Hardly anyone there, we had a pint of cider, karaoke started much later at 9. Babies were fine.

Then her dp storms in, snatches baby, says it's disgusting to have a baby in the pub at 7.15 (the time he came in) ignores me, my friend looks scared and no doubt they will have another massive bloody row tonight (he has said he is moving out on saturday but will come back and 'stay over some nights' for the baby.

I think that is unfair and she needs to set boundaries. She is miserable with him and he with her. But to shout at us and storm into the pub in front of the people in there, (not many but he knows them all) I think is shite.

Now don't know whether to ring her and make sure she is not pulp.

feel bAD

We were just having a christmas eve drink...the babies weren't distressed, they were wrapped up and had drinks and rice cakes. Is that so fucking bad?

OP posts:
sb6699 · 27/12/2008 19:51

My dh took my 3 dcs (age 10, 4 & 2) to the pub on Christmas Eve for a couple of hours until about 7.30 to give "Santa" a head start with the wrapping.

It's not a problem so long as the person in charge of the kids isnt drunk and pub is reasonably family friendly rather than full of office workers who had been drinking since lunchtime and were at the stage of falling over/being sick or worse.

Agree with others, its probably more a control issue rather than the fact he didn't like the baby in the pub.

Your friend should not let her dp get away with treating her like this - it will only get worse

pamelat · 27/12/2008 20:00

I agree about as long as people aren't drunk

I wouldn't take my baby to a work Christmas do for example, as people are drinking to be drunk.

Your friends partner is looking for reasons to be angry at her.

VirginBoffinMum · 28/12/2008 09:03

I find the more you take DCs out, the better they behave in company because they get the point of it all.

It's the ones who are only ever taken to child-orientated venues who lose the plot and upset things for other people by runnign around and making a noise IMO.

littleboyblue · 28/12/2008 09:09

Now that pubs are no smoking, it's fine isn't it? As long as it's not everyday and parents aren't getting drunk. At Christmas especially we all deserve little treats. I wouldn't like to see a baby in a pub with a parent that was in no fit state to look after it but ne or two is fine.

VirginBoffinMum · 28/12/2008 09:16

I have to say I have never seen a baby out with paralytic parents. The ones having a quiet drink early evening tend to be the civilised people with proper social skills who know not to overdo it. It's the ones drinking at home to excess and then having a joint I would be worried about.

nappyaddict · 28/12/2008 12:25

We have had to call the police once at work. There was a family having a meal who had been drinking in the bar part all afternoon. They were arguing with eachother and then when the table next to them tried to calm things down they got aggressive towards them. The other table called the manager over to sort things out and the manager said they had to leave but they refused. So we had to get a couple of the chefs along with the manager to physically remove the man. He was very agressive and tried to throw a punch but was so drunk he missed luckily. They called a taxi and I said I'm not happy about those children going home with them can we call the police? The manager was reluctant to but could see I was really upset about it and did. I felt really guilty about doing it but kept worrying what if those children came to harm.

VirginBoffinMum · 28/12/2008 15:04

Blimey, nappyaddict, what a trauma!!
I am sure if anything bad had happened it would have been in the news ...

OrmIrian · 28/12/2008 15:53

I have no problem with taking my DC to a pub. DH and I wouldn't get drunk. However I would be more concerned about the drunken antics of 'grown-up' punters.

DroopyKnickers · 28/12/2008 16:16

i think its alright if u r with the baby all the time other than that it is terrible.

DroopyKnickers · 28/12/2008 16:18

[hmm

pamelat · 28/12/2008 19:57

Today we took DD (11 months) to a pub for a meal 4-630pm and I drank 3 glasses of wine (which is basically drunk for me!) but we were with 23 family members, with a few named resonsible sober ones.

My DH did not drink, its normally vice versa.

I think this thread encouraged me.

Tortington · 28/12/2008 20:00

i think its ok to tke a child out for lunch even until about5 or 6pm

later than that i don't think its ok.

of course this would depend muchly on the area, pub and clientel of the pub.

butterscotch · 28/12/2008 20:15

VBM I am of the same mindset....we have never been paraletic with our daughter she has only been out late when on holiday or my mums 50th Birthday! We might go out for a meal at 7pm ish with her but one of us will usually drive
When hubby goes out or has a late footie match, I usually pick DD up from Childcare and take her to the carvery around the corner, we share a meal DD is 18months, I have a large glass of Vino, occassionally we might make pudding, but I feel no shame sitting there on my own with DD enjoying a meal...

Maybe because we did BLW she is a very social person especially with food on holiday she sat at the table (then 11mnths) and ate starters, main and desert sometimes we went on for a quick drink with her on my lap with books/toys or in pushchair...but as long as she was happy I would continue to do that!

Over xmas we haven't been out with her to the pub but she has had later nights, (sleeps in that way but tonight we are back to normal) if we're uptight all the time nothing will ever get done

BTW YANBU hope your friend is okayx

nappyaddict · 28/12/2008 23:22

I think it's ok for one parent to get drunk but not both.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/12/2008 00:14

peopleon holiday take their child to pub/resturnat and let them sleep in buggies,so whats the difference?

Amazoniancracker - how was your freind , and her pratish dp

MrsMerryHenry · 29/12/2008 00:35

If they're breaking up it sounds more like he was trying to punish her. Had their relationship been fine I'm sure he wouldn't have reacted that way.

Your poor friend .

solidgoldstuffingballs · 29/12/2008 00:51

I have taken my DS to pubs loads of times: deliberately avoided ever having a Strict Routine and therefore have a happy adaptable child who loves people. This man sounds like the sort of arsehole who thinks that women should be confined to the home and that once they have babies they should not be allowed a social life.

VirginBoffinMum · 29/12/2008 09:48

I would take that point further, solidgold, and say it's actually harmful for families not to have an integrated social life because children miss out on learning valuable life skills and end up less well adjusted. Keeping children out of venues is a form of social exclusion which we would not put up with for any other section of society, frankly (remember when they banned black/Irish people from places in the 1960s, for example? How shocking that sounds now!)

solidgoldstuffingballs · 29/12/2008 10:20

NOt quite with you on that VBM. I don;t think a building site is the best place for a toddler, for instance - and when it comes to pubs and clubs, those vertical-drinking hells establishments full of blaring music and plastered, puking teens, with no seats and horrendous loos, are probably not good for small kids either. And I do think that sometimes adults want a break from children - but in general, there's nothing wrong with taking DC to a pub now and again.

MumofBaby · 29/12/2008 11:34

Personally I don't think people should take babies in pubs. Unless it's one of those with the wacky warehouse attatched.

But from what you've said, the babies were fine, and he acted ridiculously. However, I wouldn't have been drinking cider with babies in a pub IYSWIM.

He might just be on a different wavelength to you. They need to consider each other if they want a relationship.

MumofBaby · 29/12/2008 11:36

Oh obviously family pubs and places where you can eat are fine. I'm thinking no to Yates or a tacky pub or one where people are generally drunk etc.

LolaTheShowgirl · 29/12/2008 12:54

i used to regularly take my charges to the pub when i nannied. it's good for their social development and it's not like people can smoke in pubs anymore...arsehole!!!

VirginBoffinMum · 29/12/2008 12:55

I with you on the drinking hall thing, but I have always thought we shouldn't be encouraging those places for adults either, frankly. I'm a bit old fashioned like that.

nappyaddict · 29/12/2008 16:04

Why not Yates'? We often go for lunch there.

carmenelectra · 29/12/2008 16:15

No problem with taking kids/babies to pub. We do it often.(well maybe couple of times amonth) Dont see the issue, we do this more than going out individually without kids. Go to nice pubs and stay for couple of hrs maybe and sometimes have meal.

Like someone said people do it on hol all the time. including us. The only difference with us is that we let up them up on holiday and usually at home we go out way before bedtime

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