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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

baby in the pub

80 replies

Amazoniancracker · 24/12/2008 20:01

..to think it's ok that my friend and I took our year old babies to the pub tonight at 6pm? Hardly anyone there, we had a pint of cider, karaoke started much later at 9. Babies were fine.

Then her dp storms in, snatches baby, says it's disgusting to have a baby in the pub at 7.15 (the time he came in) ignores me, my friend looks scared and no doubt they will have another massive bloody row tonight (he has said he is moving out on saturday but will come back and 'stay over some nights' for the baby.

I think that is unfair and she needs to set boundaries. She is miserable with him and he with her. But to shout at us and storm into the pub in front of the people in there, (not many but he knows them all) I think is shite.

Now don't know whether to ring her and make sure she is not pulp.

feel bAD

We were just having a christmas eve drink...the babies weren't distressed, they were wrapped up and had drinks and rice cakes. Is that so fucking bad?

OP posts:

salsmum · 26/12/2008 02:23

Amazon, I think 2 babies sitting in family pub for an hour while you and your mate had a xmas drink did'nt have any bad effects on the babies BUT him acting like a complete and utter wanker idiot and agressivly [sp] behaving around the child/ren would have upset everyone [including his child ] so much that that would have done more damage than if he'd acted calmly and maybe even joined you...poor woman and kids

vjg13 · 26/12/2008 09:18

Sorry I think YABU, I wouldn't take babies or children to the pub in the evening. I think your friend should have asked her partner to babysit and avoided the whole thing.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/12/2008 11:48

vjg13 - some pubs are now child friendly, and as all are smoke free, i dont see the problem ESP at christmas

nappyaddict · 26/12/2008 11:53

I often have DS in the pub til 9ish occasionally later as a one off and he will fall asleep in his pushchair.

biskybat · 26/12/2008 11:57

I remember going to visit my brother at univeristy when my baby was 3 months old and he suggested a pub for lunch (upstairs was restaurant part), we had lunch and then the pub started to fill up as there was a football game on. As we were going downstairs I overheard a couple of students say " can't believe they'd bring a baby in here, it looks so young " and they shook their heads at me. I was so shocked I'd been judged I said nothing.

I don't think you were unreasonable, it wasn't past their bedtime was it and assume they were teatotal

sandcastles · 26/12/2008 12:05

Erm...what if he doesn't like his baby being in a pub?

Maybe he has asked her not to take the baby into a pub before now? Agree that OTT to storm in & snatch baby, but maybe he had strong feelings against it!

I have worked in a pub & on xmas eve, even as early as 6pm, people are as pissed as farts!

I don't think I would let my baby play on the floor in a pub...not with a bunch of drunk people staggering around!

nappyaddict · 26/12/2008 12:12

I used to let my DS sit on the floor on a blanket before he could crawl. I avoided taking him during his crawling stage as from working in a pub I know that there might be splinters of glass on the floor.

sandcastles · 26/12/2008 12:20

nappy, I was thinking more of drunken bums tripping over/onto baby, hadn't thought of splinters of glass...

vjg13 · 26/12/2008 12:31

Yes, pubs are smoke free but also can be full of pissed up people at night and I don't think that's nice for kids.

Fleurlechaunte · 26/12/2008 12:52

In this instance I really can't see a problem with this especially if it was a family pub.

However if I were to see a child falling asleep in his pushchair in a pub at 9ish I am afraid I would judge. I don't think it is suitable, sorry.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/12/2008 12:57

better asleep in buggy then left home alone!!

as some on MN have done, or so they say!!!

i think it is good for children to be able to sleep anywhere and not just cots!!

kslatts · 26/12/2008 13:08

I don't agree with babies or young children spending loads of time in the pub, but don't see a problem with the situation you describe. YANBU.

ChristmasCakeYerbouti · 26/12/2008 13:17

We take ours to the pub all of the time. We don;t stay and get pissed - maybe for 1 or 2 drinks then go home and we never stay out after 8ish because we want them to go to bed so e get some peace! Mine love it - they get a fuss made of them by the regulars.

I have no problems with folk objecting to their children being in pubs at any time, BUT your friend's DH sounds like a nob, especially as you were both being sensible and not getting arseholed. Think his issue is more about control than the pub

Hope you both had a nice time apart from that

wotuhohohoinat · 26/12/2008 13:28

What a wally her DH is. Hope it didn't spoil you Xmas Eve (or your friend's) too much.

VirginBoffinMum · 26/12/2008 14:02

I agree, ChristmasCake. The word 'pub' is quite emotive here, with connotations of Mothers' Ruin and gin palaces. In local French bars it is different, everyone hangs out there without getting completely ratarsed. If the same happened here this country would be a lot more civilised IMHO. There's nothing wrong with kids accompanying parents when they're out and about in the early evening and it probably teaches them social skills.

wotuhohohoinat · 26/12/2008 14:05

Mmmmmmmmmmmm pub. What I wouldn't give to be in one right now...

nappyaddict · 26/12/2008 14:21

Well the pub is 10 mins walk away. DS' bed time is 9:30 which is why I usually leave at about 9. However very occasionally we will stay later and DS will just sleep in his pushchair. I know people who do this when on holiday all the time.

TheSeriousSanta · 26/12/2008 15:05

We've been to the pub again today - to watch Man U play footie.

Because DS is young (7 mo), we don't go out in the evening, his routine to go to bed starts with a bath around 5:30 - 6pm, but when we go on holiday, he will stay with me, no questions. If we are in a pub or restaraunt, then he'll be there too. When we've had friends over, he's stayed up with us.

I think the key here isn't about the pub at all, it's about how this person felt it OK to treat his SO in public.

Regardless of WHAT agreement may or maynot have been reached beforehand (and any agreement is total supposition), to act like that is really, really wrong.

Amazon... How is your friend?

izyboy · 26/12/2008 17:36

Yeah the pub is a complete red herring. The only time I might judge would be if the parent/guardian was obviously pissed in charge of the kid(s). Aything else is up to the landlord/parental discretion not anyone else. Hope everything is ok

OrmIrian · 26/12/2008 17:41

Yes it's fine. A baby early in the evening whilst mum has a quiet drink is fine. Especially now all pubs are smoke-free.

SOund to me like DP is looking for a stick to beat her with

MamaHobgoblin · 26/12/2008 17:50

No, YANBU. Nothing wrong with having a baby in a quiet, smokeless pub. My NCT group regularly took our babies out to the pub for the (early) evening and nobody objected to a group of happy parents and babies being breastfed. We've stopped now, for the most part, because the little angels now have more set bedtimes and don't stay up.

Friend's soon-to-be-ex DP sounds as if any old excuse would do to have a go at her.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 26/12/2008 17:54

He wasn't wrong to object to where his child goes as he is the father and has as much right to an opinion as your friend. He totally over-reacted though and was obnoxious as well. If he had been reasonable he would have offered to babysit so you and your friend could have gone out.

Would he have been OK with her sitting at home drinking alone?

pamelat · 27/12/2008 19:36

My DD is 11 months and most days we are at pubs ! Normally in day time and I don't drink but we meet up for coffee with mum friends. I don't see a problem with it?

7pm is hardly late?!

I would say it was only a problem if the baby was unhappy (maybe if it was late and noisy/scarey for them)

pamelat · 27/12/2008 19:37

I have never been out with her past 7pm but am wondering whether its now an option?

Horton · 27/12/2008 19:46

We took our daughter to the pub on Xmas Eve. I don't see a problem with it at all. We had one drink each, DD hoovered down a plate of chips (well, I might have helped her a bit), we were all happy, she was up past her bedtime but not whingy or tired, what's the problem? If she was creating a nuisance for other pub-goers, I'd never do it, but I really can't see the harm as long as everyone involved is happy. Sorry for your friend, though - sounds like her partner needs to lighten up a bit.

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