to have told my Mum she's not going to be able to 'show DD off' at a party that starts an hour past her bedtime?

[chequersandroastedchestnuts]

Ok, the facts:

• DD is 4.5 months old, she goes to bed at 7 and really, she is overtired and grumpy from about 6 o clock but we try not to put her to bed any earlier than 7ish.

-My Mum is having a 60th birthday part in a few months, it starts at 8 PM.

Our plan, as it stands at the moment, is for us to push DD in her pram to the party, hope that sends her to sleep and hope that she stays asleep once there. If she wakes up and needs to go home DH will take her home to bed, so it's all very much play it by ear.

I was explaining this to my Mum, but she said 'I want her there so I can show her off to everyone'. The thing is, DD, if awake will no doubt be screaming as she does if she stays up too late. I think my Mum has vision of passing her around the party guests and then popping her in her pram to sleep when it gets later. I know this won't happen but my Mum seemed very uspet when I tried to explain this to her.

Now, I know babies change massively all the time, so who knows what she will be like in a few months time anyway, but was IBU to tell my Mum that DD won't be meeting and greeting her guests at that time of night?

I also do feel that if she did want to have a party that involved DD meeting people she could have scheduled something slightly earlier. I don't mind in the slightest that she's chosen to celebrate her birthday with an evening party (I would do the same), but I jsut don't see that she can have it both ways. She seems to think I'm just trying to spoil her fund though.

Sorry for the essay!

Well we are going to a NY party this year and will road test her.

I'm just trying to manage my Mum's expectations really, of course I'd love for DD to be up smiling and meeting people but I can't guarantee it for her, and that's what she seems put out about.

She naps every 2 hours like clockwork for a maximum of 40 mins at a time.

however, if your mum is anything like mine you will have to watch out that she is not "accidentally" woken up

Oh, I see. I thought you meant she only slept for 40 minutes all day. [thick emoticon]

I agree with claireybaubles. Dd coped really well at Christmas and NYE last year when she was 7mo. Play it by ear.

Wilko, my Mum is very much like yours.

I'd really play it by ear on the night - and tell your mum that's what you'll do so then she can't be upset/disagree etc...

It is really hard to predict how the baby will react in such unusual circumstances. All that extra stimulation of being at a party might create a very different reaction to normal. Plus she will be a few months older.

If you play it by ear - she might sleep the whole way through (a few guests on good behavior could have a sneaky look) or she might be fine. If she wakes up and is unhappy and won't settle you can take her home.

I bet on the night your mum will be preoccupied with the party she won't notice if your DD sleeps through. She's probably just imagining it a certain way now - but you can't make fixed plans with young babies!

Ok, thanks, some good advice here.

Will maybe see how we get on at NY and I might feel more confident about it then.

Have been invited to yet another blimming party end of January which I thought I might go to on my own, but I guess if NY goes ok we could all attempt it..

Pinkjenny - am about your behaviour to the Round Table Santa Sleigh. Berate yourself.
Take dd swimming in the morning to set up a good long nap. Buy the cutest pyjamas you can find. Shower rather than bath beforehand. Have her take part in the 'I now declare this party open' ceremony at 8pm so she can be shown off.
Then get dh on standby to whip her orf home.
Although my ds slept through an entire wedding reception on three chairs put together and covered with coats. Everyone filed past oohing and aahing over him, he didn't blink an eye. My dd is well known to be the last on the dance floor.
IME it's the events that worry you most that the kids come up trumps at.

Oh sorry he's a ds. Brain drain going on here.

Thank lonevoice, I feel a lot better about it now

DD does always sleep really well after water babies, had forgotten about that. There is a pool not far from my parents so that's a great idea to take her there first. Thank you.

I wouild wait and see-you can't predict how your baby is going to behave in a few months time-they change so much.

pinkjenny, I almost did exactly the same this year with the sleigh. 8 mo ds sleeps only if his bedtime routine is perfect so when the sleigh started up I thought it was my Neighbours from Hell and got ready to go crackers, I only stopped because I knew how much the elder children would like the sleigh!

Good lord, I used to WAKE THE LITTLE BLIGHTERS UP to see the Rotary's sleigh.
But I am old and we used to do things different then.
Now I cannot get them to come out of their rooms.
I desperately want them to come and watch Meet Me in St Louis and we can all cuddle up on the sofa. But they're not interested in me anymore.

YANBU - your lo will be about 7.5mo? Well my DS is nearly 1 yo and I can tell you he would not be impressed if I did this to him - he would be screaming the place down and no way would he want to go to anyone but me - not even DH half the time!
Your dd is not a fecking party piece. I think your mum is being a bit selfish tbh. I know it is just one night, but you'll be the one trying to calm her down to sleep again - and probably missing all the party fun!
Stick to your original plan, if she does wake up and is happy enough to be passed around then fair enough, but you know your baby best.

Lonevoice - This year we were waiting by the window for them. They didn't come down our road though. Funny, that.

I think you're being utterly reasonable - you're taking her along which is very good of you considering it may be difficult for DD and for you to keep her happy.

I totally agree that if DD being there was SO important to your mum, she could have arranged a family-friendly day time party.

We had similar probs with a family party which apparently, was 'all about the kids' but which was basically alot of waiting about for them while adults made (boring) speeches about each other, in a pub near a very busy main road with a tiny garden and no lunch till 3pm and then an evening do till midnight

ooooh I didn't realise how much that had annoyed me until just then!

Stick to your guns; take her, but guard her pram if she sleeps, and take her home if she screams!

Could you not sugggest that you do something with her in the day time instead and leave the party for her friends? It doesn't seem a good venue for passing a baby around like a parcel.

What piscesmoon says. What is the point in having an argument now about something which is a few months away?

You see I dont think YABU. I will be in the minority but I think a babies bedtime is more important than someones party or social life.

It does depend on the child but my 11 month old would never be able to stay up past 7pm, it would be impossible for her.

It would have been maybe possible at 4 or 5 months but now now, she would scream and scream and it would be very stressful for me.

If your mum wants to show her off, she should arrange a day time do also, or have the party start earlier. I am sorry but I do think people should work around babies to some extent.

Who is arguing domesticslattern?

You are not being unreasonable, she is your baby, but all I will say is that life is short and to be worried about whether she will be awake or not or what mood she will be in is not worth worrying about in my opinion, i'd go with the flow. You have warned your mum that she might not be in the best of moods so if she is crying or unsettled then you can't say you didn't warn her when you have to go and settle her. you will probably be surprised though, being surrounded by doting oldies, disco lights, music etc will probably distract her.

I used to get all het up about ds's bedtime and nap routine but I wish I hadn't been so concerned about it now.

I'm surprised to read that you say she is terrified of strangers, do you know why this is?

I think terrified is an over exaggeration! She doesn't like being held by anybody except DH or I. She cries if my Mum holds her (she lives 300 miles away and doesn't see her that often). DH's family don't live nearby either and she is just not used to people she doesn't know. She hates people trying to hold her, or coming up and sticking their faces next to her etc. She is just clingy, and while I'm trying to address this I don't think a party is the best place for it.

Like I say, it's not the bedtime/routine etc that bothers me. It's the fact that my Mum expects her to be in some kind of state to meet and greet people when I know she won't be.

Imo YABU. If at all possible, just go with the flow. When DD was 10 months old I held a surprise 50th for DH. I was a bit worried about how she would be, but we have never ever stuck to a rigid routine (after all, she does not have to get up for school at the moment), but she is usually in bed by 8 - 8.30pm ish. After the initial shock of getting to the party and seeing a sea of faces cheering at her DH, she quickly settled down and enjoyed the night. She alternated from a high chair, to her buggy to being carried around (mainly by me) she LOVED it. Go with the flow. If your DD insists on just having you or your DH holding her, just share it between you. Let your mum enjoy her very special night. It can be done, I promise you.

Thanks Rindercella. Please could you tell me how to achieve her settling down and enjoying the night, all tips welcome.

We tried a compromise for my mil when dd was 8 months old. (like you dd she was an "in bed for 7" kind of girl)

We took her to the party for an hour and a half, then I brought her home 8.30 ish to the babysitters who were waiting (gorgeous friends of mine).

Mil was still put out (she is a real cow anyway) because of course not all the guests arrived at 7/7.30 and missed the baby. Well tough really, if these people were truly close friends of mil (not people she wanted to show off to) then she could have arranged to introduce her dgd during the day at some point)

This may not be similar to your situation of course, tis just my experience.

Sorry, just seen the rest of your post.

I'm sorry if I've given the impression I don't want my Mum to enjoy her special night. We're travelling 300 miles for it and I don't want her to be disappointed if/when DD screams in her/her friends faces all night.