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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want DC's presents here for them to open on xmas day?

35 replies

Dragonfly74 · 22/12/2008 13:17

This may seem a little petty but we have 2 DC's the oldest being nearly 3 so this is the first christmas that everything will seem magical to him.

Everyone has made sure that DC's presents are at our house for opening on christmas day but MIL refuses to bring hers over and has said that she will tell DS that santa left them at her house.

I've suggested that she bring the presents here and she can come round christmas morning to see them being opened but she won't.

Also i've told her over and over that I want DS to believe in santa, but over the last few weeks she's been bringing items of clothing round that she's bought as presents wanting DS to try them on, and then to top it off leaves them here for me to wrap them.

Like I said maybe its petty but its wound me up!!

OP posts:

stickybeaker · 22/12/2008 13:21

There's been a really similar thread to this recently...

I personally think YABU, what's the point in picking a battle over it. Surely your DS will be so ecited about the whole day that MIL's presents will be 'extra' - he won't think he's missing out by not having them there in the morning.

Fivesetsofschoolfees · 22/12/2008 13:23

YABU - it's up to her as the giver how to do the giving.

Podrick · 22/12/2008 13:26

I think that you don't need to personally mastermind and control everything to the letter yourself in order for christmans to be perfect and magical for your children. I honestly can understand why you are wound up by your MIL but my advice is "don't fret the small stuff".

Weegle · 22/12/2008 13:26

YABU - her gifts are from her NOT Santa. You buy the gifts to give your son from Santa, she can buy him a gift from him. How is your son to be grateful and to show his gratitude to people if he thinks everything has come from Santa?

Weegle · 22/12/2008 13:27

she can buy him a gift from her I mean

sb6699 · 22/12/2008 13:27

YANBU - because you've offered to let her come round Christmas morning to see him opening them.

But then again she bought them so really its her decision. As far as MIL's go I've learnt to pick my battles carefully - afraid this wouldn't be one of them because either way your DS will be over the moon on Christmas Morning.

My youngest dd is 2.4 so this will be her first Crimbo when she knows what's going on - can't wait to see her reaction.

clumsymum · 22/12/2008 13:27

I posted a similar thread a few years ago becos my Bil and his partner would never leave DS's pressy to be here for Xmas day, they would always drop in unannounced 2 or 3 days later with it, saying Santa had left it with them (but never explaining why he would do such a stupid thing).

However I got yelled at for being unreasonable.

Dragonfly, I'm with you personally, but hey ....

Weegle · 22/12/2008 13:31

I actually find it quite shocking that some people pretend ALL gifts are from Santa. Genuine question - how do your children thank the giver?

pamelat · 22/12/2008 13:32

I dont think you are being unreasonable but I know that our in laws will never leave their present here for DD to open.

She is only 11 months so its her first christmas, but already its a bit of a tug of war.

They wanted her to stay over xmas eve night with them, have said no (not without us)

PS) I reckon my parents will prefer for her to open her presents there too, so its not a big thing to me, but it might become when she is older.

Original poster

Dragonfly74 · 22/12/2008 13:33

Ok I kind of guessed that the majority would say i was being unreasonable.

I won't be making a big deal of it with her or picking a fight (i've learnt from passed experience its not worth it) but I needed a rant.

OP posts:

clumsymum · 22/12/2008 13:37

'Genuine question - how do your children thank the giver? '

Here Santa brings presents, but different people have asked him to bring them. They all have gift cards on of course "from Granny" etc, and DS always thanked each person for asking Santa to bring ...... whatever it was.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 22/12/2008 13:40

All you people who effectively have relatives donate presents to arrive as if from Santa. Don't the relatives mind that they get no thanks from the child in question ?

It just seems so odd to me.

The simple solution to Dragonfly's problem is to stop pretending the presents are from Santa and acknowledge that they are from MIL in the first place.

As I see it, children get taken to all sorts of family gatherings over the Christmas holiday period and, as children, we never complained about wanting to watch TV instead or whatever because we knew that wherever we went it would usually involve being given a present which we could open in front of the donor.

Personally the "Santa brings everything" (but leaves some presents at other peoples houses way) seems to invite more doubt and an earlier suspicion that the whole system is a bit fishy.

MrsMattie · 22/12/2008 13:49

YABU and extremely precious.

Poppycake · 22/12/2008 13:54

Assuming that the children aren't making presents for other people either then? Learning about giving and enjoying the feeling of making someone else happy? Is it normal for children just to have an avalanche of presents from Santa? At what age would that stop happening?

I'm not needling/criticising, but clearly other people celebrate Christmas in a very different way to our family. I'm lucky that I don't really have ILs etc to worry about and can just get on with it, clearly!

MHO is that Christmas will be most magical for the children if all the adults aren't at each others' throats about the exact whys and wherefores of present giving. All seems a bit silly to me. So I think YABU

Fivesetsofschoolfees · 22/12/2008 13:56

Do people really make up convoluted stories about Santa.

If so, why?

Podrick · 22/12/2008 13:57

I think the "all presents are from Santa" idea is difficult to run with...not an idea I was brought up with where Santa bought a stocking and perhaps 1 big present.

Fivesetsofschoolfees · 22/12/2008 13:57

I agree, Poppy.

Christmas will always disappoint if there is such a tightly descriptive way of making it perfect and 'magical'.

No amount of presents makes for a perfect Christmas - it's not what it's about.

DandyLioness · 22/12/2008 14:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pamelat · 22/12/2008 18:59

But do you think its a bit selfish of people to want to have children open presents at their house (as the giver). Surely its just because they want to have that gratitude and enjoy seeing the childs reaction.

Thats how you end up with competitive present buying between grandparents?

I would prefer that all presents were anonymous and then you dont attribute present buying to X relative.

I say I would prefer this but it will never happen in our real lives, and I dont feel strongly enough about it to ask for it. I just think it would be a nicer way to live.

stroppyknickers · 22/12/2008 19:03

Sooo, all your dc's presents are from Santa regardless of who gave them? Wow. I don't get this at all, I used tlo gove presents to the boys next door, then discovered that their mum was telling them they were from santa. I think it's really weird to do that.

piscesmoon · 22/12/2008 19:03

I think if people are kind enough to give a present it is up to them when they give them. If ever I am a Grandma I will give my presents when I want to and I will not be having any arrangement with Santa!

poinsettydog · 22/12/2008 19:03

yabu

SImple solution: you say that granny's presents are from granny and you deal with providing the Santa presents.

Voila

pamelat · 22/12/2008 19:04

If I am a grandma I will realise that I have done the mum thing and I really hope that I will step back and do things as per parents request.

I hope so. I will probably be a bloody nightmare!

MadameCastafiore · 22/12/2008 19:05

Bloody nutty people saying all presents are from Santa - where in Cats Teeth Hell did that start?

If I am going to spend my hard earned moeny on a opressie for your DC then I expect to be able to give it to them and have them say thenk you to me not some obese guy in a manky red suit who needs a shave!

seeker · 22/12/2008 19:09

So what about the presents your children give people?

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