to be annoyed that dh has just told me he hasn't had time to buy me a present this year

[greenbeanie]

Money has been really tight so we have cut back but I have still managed to get things for him and the dc by buying bits over the last few months. I bought myself a couple of things in sales which he has kindly said he will wrap up to give me!!! He say he hasn't had time to get to the shops, he goes into town most weekends, or use the internet. It's not the money that matters, I didn't expect anything big but as they say it's the thought that counts

I don't like big Christmas presents - LOVE the wrapped rolo by Neeerly's dh!

Seriously though, even though I feel he should make an effort, it's not really worth upsetting yourself about if he ends up not getting anything. Could you ask him whether he'd bring you breakfast in bed or some kind of little treat?

I don't have the leverage of not cooking him christmas dinner as he usually does that anyway, after he's taken the boys to the park, entertained the guests, etc etc.

Some might say thats better than any shop bought pressie

Ah flibbertyjibbet, you didn't tell us that earlier, you duplicitous AIBU drip feeder. On the basis that he is otherwise No 1 Christmas Husband Extraordinaire I would go out, buy myself lovely gift of choice from joint account, get shop to gift wrap it and get DH to write suitably loving and humble message.

If he is that fantastic its not worth losing sleep over.

Rookie, are you mistaking me for the OP? Yes my dp is fantastic, but sadly the main reason why i appreciate his good points so much and don't dwell on the very minor(lack of pressie type) bad points is that I had an absolute twat of an ex to compare him to

Aah Flibberty, you are naughty! He gives you the gift of TIME to enjoy Christmas day. If Greenbeanie had that, she might feel better. It's the time and thought element that rankles. We all want our partners to THINK about us - as we do about them and the dcs. It's no excuse to say 'I don't know what to get you' - if you live with someone, surely you know them well enough to know what would please them - and finding that item should be a pleasure.

Yes thats a good way of putting it.
Time.

If I was in the kitchen all day after running about organising everyone else's presents/food shopping/entertaining gps etc, and THEN no pressie from DP....

There would be CARNAGE at chez flibberty by the time the Queen comes on

Yes, there was carnage chez Tanee, the year I only got the silly cd.

Ah yes sorry about that flibberty I shouldn't go around calling people duplicitous drip feeders so lightly.

My DH doesn't start his Christmas shopping until the afternoon of Christmas Eve.

If money is tight, he can always just get you a box of chocolates.

I think it's traditional for men to shop on Christmas Eve - and buy silly things because they're in a panic. I once got a HUUUOOGe black lacy bra from an ex - god knows how he saw me - it was a size 38GG and I was only a 34B at the time. When I took it back the assistant remembered him as the 'anxious one'. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last .

I would tell him has has 2 whole days-plenty of time!

Thanks for the tips, he has duly been sent out. He went with my 2 ds and they reported that they had been to Tescos - unfortunately I know that they weren't lying as neither can keep a secret being 3 and 6!!! Dh asked what size underwear he should buy as the stuff in Tescos was really nice - and I know he wasn't joking

What is more annoying is that I bought all the presents for his family, parents and nephews

Mine tried this on, I gave him his instructions last week though, so he has had time to get me something now.
Money is tight around here too, but like you say, it's not about the money, it's about being considerate and thoughtful. Even if its just some chocolate, its the thought that counts.

I was going the same way this year as well, not getting anything. I have bought everything for everyone, wrapped everything and because I get gifts from daughter, son and sister it would have hidden the fact he had bought me nothing. My daughter asked him what he had bought and he said "I told mum to buy herself something". He did mention it today however and because he knew I was not happy took me to john Lewis tonight and I got an upgraded present.

I think I'll leave this thread open on my laptop while I go and make a cup of tea

He's been saying all year that he's going to buy me a sat nav for christmas so he can't claim the usual 'but you didn't tell me what you wanted' AND he's been off work since the beginning of last week while I've had to go in every day, so can't claim 'no time' either...

He owes me one too... he forgot my 30th earlier this year as in completely forgot - I was working away and got a text the next morning (and a card three days later if that counts )

I was going to suggest going to Relate..as a funny..but..

one year my DH did that and panic bought me a crappy candle in waitrose on christmas eve.

the next year i had a very lovely watch - he won't make that mistake again

You need to sit him down on Boxing Day and tell him that next year he won't get away with being such a lazy fucker because you will not be buying the presents for his parents and his nephews. Tell him again in November that you're serious - if he doesn't buy them something and wrap it and post it himself, his side of the family won't be getting anything at all.

This year, don't let him wrap the bits you bought yourself and "give" them to you. Don't let him off the hook like that. If there's an uncomfortable silence as everyone except you unwraps presents, perhaps that will bring home to him how selfish and lazy he has been.

I hate the assumption that Christmas is the wife's job.

YANBU.He has still got time to get something.

Just had to come back and add to this. Postman delivers parcel addressed to dh this morning. dh hands it to me and says 'I think you'd better open this one' and he's given me a completely surprise present, a snazzy version of something I want, but hadn't ever asked for! How's that for actually thinking by himself and getting it organised almost feel guilty for being so mean about him yesterday now...

why did he give you it now and not for Christmas?

agree with dropdead - seems such a shame to give it that way instead of wrapping it and giving it on the day. Oh well, I suppose you can't hope for too much from him, but it seems odd to me!

Strange ditzzy, I too wonder why he didn't keep it till Christmas Day. Does he normally jump the gun like this?

Greenbeanie, I agree with Ninedragons. It's totally unreasonable of him to be like this AND expect you to organise presents for his family. Tell him straight that next year, his side of the family will be HIS responsibility and his alone. If they get nothing, they will know why! And if he doesn't know what to get you, leave hefty hints - a list, cuttings of nice things from magazines etc, from September onwards.

Undies from Tesco? and he doesn't know your size????

And if he STILL doesn't come through, tell him you'd quite like a new husband for Christmas!

I can't believe that adults are so bothered and uptight about Xmas presents . Children yes, of course we go to town to find them things that are just right for them, but I could not care less about being given presents myself. DH and I do buy each other things if we see somthing the other would like, at any time of the year! but seem utterly pathetic for grown up people to feel obliged to BUY something just for the sake of because it is Xmas.. No wonder there is so much debt about...

Well if I was being my normal sceptical self I would say he gave it to me now to show off that he'd actually done it, but we're flying out of the country tonight for christmas so exchanging presents today.

I shall try to introduce the idea of actual wrapping paper next year