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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to buy this gift? (and then RAM it up MIL's....)

55 replies

purplemonkeydishwasher · 22/12/2008 09:14

argggggggggggg!!!

things to keep in mind as you read this:
MIL has money. lots of money. we don't. My parent's don't.
This is the 9th christmas i've spent away from my family (who are in canada) and with DH's family.
she already bought DS a BIKE (among other things) I'm trying to be a bigger person here and let her have that even though I've ALWAYS ALWAYS said that I wanted to buy him his first bike.
I'm pregnant and hormonal.

so i'm out christmas shopping with MIL. all was going well. then she sees a light saber flashlight. DS LOVES star wars. i didn't want anyone to buy him a sword type light saber because, well, he's 3 and he'll hit me/DH/thedog etc. but i had out this flashlight on his 'wishlist' on amazon. My brother had told me that he was buying it for DS.
so MIL is looking at it saying DS would love this. I said yes he would but I'm pretty sure he's already getting it.
she said but he might not.
i say: but i'm almost certain he is. my brother said he was going to buy it.
so she's still looking at it.
I say, don't buy it. he's already getting it. you already bought him lots.
so she goes and BUYS IT ANYWAY. and says well IF he gets it I can give it to his friend for his birthday.
I say, WHEN he gets it.
she laughs me off.
I'm seething. because not only is it disrespectful to me to ignore what i say it's also disrespectful to my family to buy the same thing as them.

anyway, we get home. I check amazon to see if anyone has bought the flashlight. it does;t look like it.
so waht do I do?
I BUY THE FUCKER.

i can;t tell DH what i've done because he'll be all 'oh she just wants to treat her grandson' and not GET why i'm pissed off.

so, dear MNers, what do i do with it?
so i give it to him and pretend that my brother send it. or do i be the bigger person AGAIN and let MIL give him hers.

what would you do?

OP posts:
cmotdibbler · 22/12/2008 09:18

Wrap it, phone your brother and check (sometimes stuff doesn't come off the Wishlist for some reason, or maybe he bought it somewhere cheaper). If not, label it from brother and give it to DS.

She was being an ar*e as you clearly told her that he would be getting it from someone else, and she'd get satisfaction from being proved right

PingpingsatonSantasface · 22/12/2008 09:26

I would buy it wrap it up from your brother and tell your MIL that your brother has brought it so she should take hers back

tattycoram · 22/12/2008 09:28

He may have bought it, I don't always buy a particular wishlist item from Amazon itself, but if he hasn't, I would wrap it up and label it from your brother and (crucially) make sure he opens that one before the one from your mil. You might not normally stoop that low, but in this situation I reckon you are utterly justified in doing so.

Cies · 22/12/2008 09:28

I would call your brother and ask if he's already bought it. Then if he hasn't bought the light sabre, wrap it up and label it from him.

I think you would be TOTALLY justified in this instance.

NCRedBreastedBirdy · 22/12/2008 09:29

Wrap it and give it - check with DB first.

She is being controlling and rude, she probably thinks she is being nice and giving but she is wrong!

chrimbospirit · 22/12/2008 09:32

Buy him the light saber put the dog in the garden and let her give him the flash light - he will ignore the flash light as he is destroying your house with his light saber (pretend you don't care) if you let him go wild for long enough he is bound to injure grandma in some way or other (you could start training him now with the cardboard off the rolls of christmas wrap )

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 22/12/2008 09:49

lol chrimbo!

thank you all
the only thing that bothers me about this plan is that i have to lie to DH as well. which i really don't want to do. but...needs must!

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 22/12/2008 09:54

Am I being thick? Why did you buy it?

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 22/12/2008 09:56

because it doesn't look like my bro did buy it and i'm mad at MIL. and i'm petty.

OP posts:
compo · 22/12/2008 09:58

I'd just cancel the one you've ordered
it won't come in time now anyway

OrmIrian · 22/12/2008 10:03

Oh. Sorry I see

OrmIrian · 22/12/2008 10:04

Don't blame you for being mad at MIL BTW. But it seems that if money is short you've sort of cut off your own nose iyswim. Cancel the order and find something else to ram up her ar*e!

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 22/12/2008 10:10

money's not that short. it was only a tenner. we just don't have as much as MIL.

i know i'm being really immature about this btw. i am fully aware that an adult would just ignore it and move on.
did i mention the hormonal thing?...

OP posts:
wb · 22/12/2008 10:19

Are you being unreasonable? Yes, of course you are.

I would do exactly the same.

VisionsOfSugarPlums · 22/12/2008 10:44

YABU but it is just the sort of thing I would do!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 22/12/2008 10:54

I agree, YABU, but I would have done exactly the same thing myself! I revel in pettiness..... wrap it up, lie to DH and say it's from your brother. But ring brother first.....

Original poster
purplemonkeydishwasher · 22/12/2008 10:57

i have emailed DB to see if he did send one. (and if he did i have a spare lightsaber flashlight if anyone wants it!!)
damn the 6 hour time difference. i'll have to wait until after work to ifnd out!

OP posts:
wrapstar · 22/12/2008 11:01

Don't lie to your husband. Cancel your order. Ask your brother what he has bought. If he has bought something else, tell your MIL he can have the light sabre for his birthday as you don't want him to have a light sabre and a bike as well as all his other presents.
I do understand your irritation, she sounds frustratingly bossy and controlling, but just think that once you get into lying to your husband (and encourage your own brother and sister in law to join in that lie) to spite your MIL, she has definitely won. How do you do you think he would feel when/if he finds out you have all lied to him?
Also, I very much doubt she bought it to get one over on you at all. She just really loves and adores her grandson. I simply cannot stop my mum buying presents for my kids -even the week before Christmas, which drives me crackers. But she does it because she is besotted with them and can't resist.

seanbonfire · 22/12/2008 11:08

oh my god she sounds like a nightmare..poor you.

she already bought him a sizable gift.

you TOLD her not to get it (for good reason).

He is your son and she went against your wishes right in front of you!
You were right to buy it.Say its from your brother.Make sure he gets your one first.Make sure you tell her"i did warn you"

petty?maybe. But she was petty to buy it knowing someone else already was planning on getting it for him.

hercules1 · 22/12/2008 11:11

You are being completely unreasonable and as you say petty. However I'd have done the same.

wrapstar · 22/12/2008 11:13

I really do think it is not on to lie to your husband and to encourage your family to lie to him over something this petty. Yes, it's annoying, but I really doubt she is doing this out of anything but love for her grandson.

HolyGuacamole · 22/12/2008 11:24

Yep me too. Completely unreasonable....but I would have done exactly the same

Does sound like she wants 'one up' and I'm not saying that to wind you up so don't...erm....get wound up . I just think she could have said "ok, well since your brother has got that, I will get this other thing instead". That would have been reasonable!

I'd also probably just tell DH the truth and explain you felt a bit peed off. If your brother has bought one, then give yours to charity or something and tell her that since he already has one at home, she can keep her one at her house for your DS to play with when he is over there.

HolyGuacamole · 22/12/2008 11:25

Oh, and I don't mean 'one up' on you personally....I just mean that she probably wants to be the one to buy him the bestest pressies in a competitive grandparent type of way.

HarktheheraldAnglepoise · 22/12/2008 11:26

She is doing it out of love for her grandson but also out a rather selfish desire to be the one who gives it to him, when she is already the one who is giving him another big present, so it isn't entirely selfless. She is also an adult and should be able to deal with the fact that it has (probably) already been bought by someone else, and they're going to be the one who gets to give that gift.

So I don't think YABU, but don't see how you can get around the lying to your husband thing so think you're a bit stuck, unless you can find someone in your family who hasn't got a present and will give you the tenner back so it can be from them with a clear conscience.

June2009 · 22/12/2008 11:52

I can't beleive you did that blame it on the pg hormones if it ever comes out!