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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to buy presents for my DCs' from their grandparents?

57 replies

LynetteScavo · 20/12/2008 22:06

Two sets of grandparents have given me money to buy my DC's presents. They don't wan't to give them cash or vouchers, as they want to see the joy on their faces as they open the presents.

I have the money, but just feel like I will be buying my DC's toys just for the sake of buying them toys, when the money could be put to much better use somewhere.

I have to spend the total amount of the money, but can't combine the money, as the two sets of grandparents don't speak to each other.

OP posts:

moston · 20/12/2008 22:08

that is such a cop out. If they want to see the joy they go out and shop for them and wrap it. Give them the money back and send them to the shops. Presents are about the thought not the amount given after all.

NorktasticNinja · 20/12/2008 22:08

Will either set actually be with you on Christmas morning? If not just lie and refuse to accept cash to by presents anymore...

Pantofino · 20/12/2008 22:10

YANBU! Agree that is a cop out. If they are so bothered, they should spend 5 mins to actually choose and buy a present themselves!

Libraloveschristmas1975 · 20/12/2008 22:11

I am sure you have enough to do without buying the grandparents presents for your DC as well. Tell them to do their own shopping if they want to see the look of joy.

TheSeriousSanta · 20/12/2008 22:13

My MIL has done this to DS this year. But he's only 7months old (but she won't change) so I think OK.... i've just assigned a pressie i would have given him from Gran and kept the money.

As far as I can see, we are all happy.

callmeovercautious · 20/12/2008 22:14

Bank it for DD in a savings account. We do and MIL knows it. She does buy her loads at other times and DD is only 2.3 so she does not know the difference. She is getting loads from Santa - nothing is from anyone in her head - so how would she know? Definately not something a little one would store up as future ammo

Milliways · 20/12/2008 22:15

We prefer it when MIL gives us cash for our older kids as she has got it notoriously wrong when left to her own devices!

piscesmoon · 20/12/2008 22:17

How strange-mine always do it and it seems a great idea. I know what DCs want and they don't. I don't see the problem!

redpyjamas · 20/12/2008 22:19

You could re-label a present that you have already bought for your children, instead of being from you, say it's from grandparents.
Then give them some Christmas spending money from 'you'.

Lazycow · 20/12/2008 22:21

Both sets of ds's grand parents do this and tbh it is a bit of a pain but both sets pof grandparents are very elderly and find shopping quite difficuld. In fact for my mother I buy all her Christmas presents for her and she pays me so it isn't just for ds.

In some ways though it is better as I have got things I know ds wants. In fact this year my mother did buy ds a present herself but it was so unsuitable I had to gently point that out and the present went to her 15 year old nephew instead of my 4 year old son. I just bought ds something from her as usual.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 20/12/2008 22:21

piscesmoon - in theory it's a great idea. DS1 really doesn't like Enid Blyton books which he would get of FIL and his wife other wise, but I have the cash in my hand, and feel I just have to spend in on more crap. I would much much rather put it in their savings acounts, or hand it over to someone who really needs it.

OP posts:

HarktheheraldAnglepoise · 20/12/2008 22:22

My gran does this as she is 89 and can't shop, though she is happy for us just to spend a bit and save the rest.

Typed this far and realised I don't know what you mean by grandparents - your DC's or yours?

If you mean your grandparents then YAB a bit U if they're doddery and old like mine If you mean your parents then YANB quite so U but surely you know what your DC want and can just pick up something extra? I would negotiate the having to spend the full amount thing though as can see how it's annoying just to buy toys for the sake of it.

HarktheheraldAnglepoise · 20/12/2008 22:23

Just realised the title says their grandparents

Niecie · 20/12/2008 22:23

No you're not BU

We are in the same boat this year. Not only are they not bothering to come, which DH is not happy about, although it is a long way so I kind of understand, but they have sent me a cheque and I have to do all the hard work of shopping for them.

Normally they order something online and get it sent to us and then wrap it when they come but they aren't even bothering to do that. DH is not happy. He thinks they should make more of an effort.

A bit much to have to do the shopping even when they are going to see you over Christmas though.

J2O · 20/12/2008 22:24

get them so PJs, slippers, socks, underwear and label them from the grandparents. Children always need them anyway

piscesmoon · 20/12/2008 22:25

Grandparents are the main present givers after us so it was much appreciated and I never had to buy for the sake of buying. Now they are older they just get the money direct. If they have too much can't you suggest a savings account. If you told them it was building up for university (or similar)they might like the idea.

beanieb · 20/12/2008 22:25

Don't buy them crap toys,buy them something you know they would like but which isn't the sort of stuff the grandparents get. You have control over what they get at least.

saggyhairyarse · 20/12/2008 22:26

I am quite glad to get the money and get what the children actually want. A couple of times the DG have asked what the kids want, I have told them and they have got completely different stuff - and so have I assumming they would get what asked - and then the kids haven't got something they specifically mentioned.

Though I do think if they give you the cash you are at liberty to spend it pretty much how you please. Save/club it together with other money/clothes/toys/whatever so long as it goes on the children.

piscesmoon · 20/12/2008 22:26

Sorry-I see they want to see joy on faces-ignore last post.

wilkosroastingonanopenfire · 20/12/2008 22:28

my mil mum and sister always asked me what i think dd would like for a present and I have always shopped for whatever it is as well. this is because i am a mug.

however i had massive pre christmas rage last week when my mother asked for the hundredth time what she (ie: me) should buy so i pointed out that as a loving and attentive grandmother and parent to two daughters herself she should bloody well have some idea what she would like

it was so effective am going to use similar choice of words on mil

op - tis a cop out by the sound of it. nip it in the bud!

friendless · 20/12/2008 22:33

Ex-MIL also sends a cheque. She is quite old now so I don't really mind, but in the past she always wanted to know the exact present to buy, never just buying anything spontaneously. This habit seems to have extended throughout her family! Aagh...

Heated · 20/12/2008 22:48

I have no problem with this; like others have said, I'd just reassign some presents and either put the money in the dc's account or in our own!

My father sends a cheque and it normally covers the dc's main present and it makes my Dad happy.

The ILs always buy gifts which can be hit and very miss (crossbow for a 3 yr old!)

ninedragons · 20/12/2008 22:53

A crossbow for a three-year-old shows some kind of warped genius.

Are they senile?

Heated · 20/12/2008 23:00

No, ds was going through a Robin Hood phase, so g-ps went to the Robin Hood centre in Nottingham and now my son has a hunter green jerkin, jaunty hat with feather, wooden sword and a farkin cross bow!

GrimmaTheNome · 20/12/2008 23:02

You don't have to buy crap. You can get something like a lovely poetry anthology. That seems to me a proper grandparent present. And if it doesn't suffuse the DCs with joy yet - well, never mind!

I've bought presents on behalf of both DDs grannies this year - yes hers not mine, one is 90 and the other 84 and living miles away and can't get to the shops. So they have very good reason to delegate!

Whether they would themselves have thought of Cluedo and a remote-controlled spider, I doubt! Oh, and an Anne Fine poetry collection... more like it.

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