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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to buy presents for my DCs' from their grandparents?

57 replies

LynetteScavo · 20/12/2008 22:06

Two sets of grandparents have given me money to buy my DC's presents. They don't wan't to give them cash or vouchers, as they want to see the joy on their faces as they open the presents.

I have the money, but just feel like I will be buying my DC's toys just for the sake of buying them toys, when the money could be put to much better use somewhere.

I have to spend the total amount of the money, but can't combine the money, as the two sets of grandparents don't speak to each other.

OP posts:

zipzap · 20/12/2008 23:04

Heated - here's hoping that the crossbow aim was more miss than hit - although I assume that you probably weren't intending to be quite so literal about your inlaw's present...

twentypence · 20/12/2008 23:07

I like the PJs idea - that seems like a good grandparent present.

nooka · 20/12/2008 23:07

Why do you have to buy crap? My parents have sent us money (well a gift voucher) this year because we aren't in the country. I'll be buying some nice clothes for all of us. No problem, and I can make sure that it is stuff that I like too (and doesn't need ironing!). But then my family does lists, so spontaneous pesents are the unusual ones. Can you not relabel some things you have already bought? Then you can save the money if that's whaat you really want to do.

ThingOne · 20/12/2008 23:08

I don't think it's a cop out at all. I think it's very kind of them to give you money so you can choose to buy something suitable for your children. They are letting you know that you know best what to get them. Both my parents and my PILs are getting on now and shopping is very tiring for them.

They either give us money or we send them links they can click on for delivery. Downside is we I have to do all the wrapping but the upside is much bigger and our children get great presents which we know they will enjoy and use.

Dropdeadfred · 20/12/2008 23:11

if you think your dcs have alreadygot enough why not do as previously siggested..pocket the cash and choose a pressie you have alreay purchased to be 'from' them...?

piscesmoon · 21/12/2008 09:18

I do as Dropdeadfred says-I look at what I already have and say 'that can be from Granny'. Granny's happy, the DCs are happy and I am happy because I have spent less.(If I didn't want to spend less I could put the money into an account for them).
Failing that I would get books-a DC can never have too many books and you can get some lovely hardback edition that you wouldn't normally get.
The other thing that is great is a board game and then Granny can play it with them.
I don't see it as a problem. It is often more of a problem when grandparents use their initiative!

ChippyMyrrhton · 21/12/2008 09:42

YABU
I have three sets of GPs to buy 'from' and I re-allocate stuff, according to the GP budget and interests eg books, 'nice' clothes, games, and bank any surplus in the DC a/c. GPs have no idea what anything costs!

WorzselMincepieYummage · 21/12/2008 09:56

Put the money in the back and buy them something for the garden with it in the summer

Thats what we'd do i think.

HappyMummyOfOne · 21/12/2008 09:57

FIL always sends a cheque for DS (think its supposed to be for DS and me/hubby but we just spend it on DS) and MIL always asks me to shop and then she wraps.

I much prefer this so it works out well. I know what DS would like and its so much better than a huge pile of things that DS will not be interested in etc.

MIL's only stipulation is no clothes but we dont buy clothes for xmas anyway other than new pj's for xmas eve.

Original poster

LynetteScavo · 21/12/2008 10:10

I think everybody else must buy their children more presents than we do. My DC's have one present each from DH and I - They will get more stuff from Aunts and Uncles, my Mum.....Luckily this year I have the money first - in the past I've had to buy the gift first,and was given the money afterward, which made me feel obliged to hand over the reciept. I'm planning to do some canny shopping, and get what looks like £25 worth of stuff for less, and bank the remainder. - Also I've decided to get DD clothes, as they will go down well with her, and she will actually need them.

It just seems a bit sick to go and buy my children more stuff want, but really, really don't need, when £150 would make a huge difference to someone elses life.

We'll be seeing the GP's seperately just before new year.(But they want me to give them the gifts before we go away for Christmas on Tuesday) They will be happy, the kids will be happy, and I just have to swallow the materialism of it all.

I'm having a whinge about being lucky, aren't I!

OP posts:

mejon · 21/12/2008 13:56

FIL sent DH a cheque with a note saying 'buy something for DD - didn't know what to get'. This annoyed me beyond words really a bit like wilkoroasingonanopenfire - he has two daughters of his own aswell as another slightly older GD and his wife also has two young granddaughters so it's not as if he had no-one to ask (plus he could have got in touch to find out!). Even making the effort to get some Mothercare/Next/M&S vouchers from the large-ish city he lives in would have been ok. As it is, we can't even put the cheque directly into DD's savings account without much faffing about.

I know we should be grateful for anything really - but quite honestly just a little bit of thought would be appreciated far more, so no YANBU!

twentypence · 21/12/2008 17:55

Lynette, maybe you could find creative ways of dealing with your guilt such as giving the toys and clothes to a charity shop after your children have finished playing with them, maybe even buying them from a charity shop to start with. Then everyone is happy.

We have just bought my BIL a secondhand telly for Christmas. Thing is, his had exploded. He is on benefits. He needs a new TV, but it needn't be brand new (especially as he probably hasn't got insurance). It's a much better present than he would get if I bought new.

loobeylou · 21/12/2008 18:15

In reality the gifts i label up as from great grandmas, are in fact things i have already bought and paid for (often throughout the year). Usually it will be clothes and PJs and slippers. then the cheques arrive and we have the extra money to spend on a trip to see santa or a panto.

DCs are lucky to have great aunts who buy them a little token gift of colouring book/similar, and give a cheque which we transfer to their bank accounts, for later. Sometimes we will use this for something major like if they all needs new coats or shoes, which can be expensive all in one go

Podrick · 21/12/2008 18:42

I think you are making something of an ungrateful and unchristmas-like fuss! If you get to choose the presents then you can choose something you approve of and avoid duplicate ot unsuitable presents.

Surely it is not unreasonable for grandparents to want to see excited faces unwrapping presents at Christmas? And if they haven't chosen the gifts themselves, well so what? If you think your kids get too much at christmas then why not cut down on what you buy them?

Lots of people either have no grandparents, or have grandparents who can't be bothered with them. I seem out of step with the other posters here becuase I think you are being ungrateful.

merrykittymas · 21/12/2008 18:58

I have done this with my Dad this year, he sent money I have bought presents and wrapped them he will come up and pretend he's brought the presents, TBH I have bought things that I would have liked to have bought them anyway and also have bought some clothes for them too.

For DD3 (5 months) I have bought one little toy and banked the rest).

I know my Dad would have gone out and bought the toys (he has done it before) but he gets really stressed about it.

My Mum gave them money but won't be up to see them open presents or anything. I have banked it too for clothes throughout the year.

DP's mum gives money but also brings a token present with her on Boxing Day.

piscesmoon · 21/12/2008 18:58

You are not out of step with me! I think it is lovely and much better than using their initiative. DCs get something they want, grandparents can see them open it and get a happy response. I thought it was the thought that counted.

popsycal · 21/12/2008 19:04

both sets of ours do this too
i have just put the money in their bank account - i have ebough to do

Acinonyx · 21/12/2008 19:09

We have 2 relatives that send dd money. I always take her to the shops and have her pick out something for herself. She really enjoys it, then I send a picture of her with the items she bought. That's how I intend to handle all cash presents.

If they insist on you getting the present - why couldn't you just specifiy soemthing for them to go out and buy or order online? That's what we do for some other relatives.

fledtoscotland · 21/12/2008 20:16

welcome to my world. no you are not being unreasonable.

my mum is sending me a cheque for me to go and buy DC premium bonds. she is too lazy to even fill in the forms herself let alone go and buy them a present! FIL has also given us money to buy presents. we have just allocated a present from him and have put the money in their savings accounts.

andyrobo237 · 21/12/2008 20:27

I would just buy a little something and put the remainder in their savings account - and then argue that you will use it if they need something later on in the summer, or a new car seat, etc.

My FIL has started doing this since MIL died, and we dont tend to see him much, and as DS is not yet 2 and had loads, I bank his money. DD is nearly 7, so I give her some of the money and bank the rest. It is a bit sly, but if they cant be bothered to think of and buy and wrap something themselves, then they are just taking the mick. Why does it always fall down to the mother to have to get something on their behalf? Said FIL was off on a cruise last year after Christmas and missed both his sons birthdays, both my DCs birthdays - including DS 1st birthday, so I just banked the money, sent a thank you note which he got 2 months later when he returned home. It will be the same this year, DS does not even know who this fella is, so I will be banking the money again.

mrsgboring · 21/12/2008 20:38

mejon I can't believe you'd rather have vouchers than money - I find them the most almighty pain, as I don't do a lot of shopping and invariably have to make a special trip to a shop I wouldn't have chosen in order to spend them.

I think it is fine to receive money from the grandparents. I always have to give very specific present suggestions to my relatives (which is great in one way) but I find it quite hard to guess how much they want to spend, work out what shops they have near them and think of something that they would like to make their present. And then I find it harder because I don't know exactly what they're buying so can't plan. (e.g. this year I've asked MIL for pyjamas, but I don't know how many sets she might buy and DS has desperately needed pjs for ages but didn't want to get new ones in case she bought him several herself, as she often does, and it was a waste to have more. My mother has got Playmobil but I don't know which set she's got so I can't buy any in case of duplicating etc. etc.)

In many ways, it would be easier all round if we just had the money, but am very grateful for gifts, money or just time.

herbietea · 21/12/2008 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bigTillyMint · 21/12/2008 20:47

Oh Dear - hangs head in shame...

I actually like it if they give money, because I can spend it on something they actually need / like, not a load of tat.

'Fraid I must be a control freak

mejon · 21/12/2008 21:44

mrsgboring - I think I'm just irritated by FIL to be honest - by going to a shop and getting vouchers he'd at least have put a bit of thought into it rather than just sending a cheque.

twentypence · 22/12/2008 03:24

My brother has real issues going into crowded places and yet he manages to choose ds's presents himself.

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