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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if your husband/partner is cheating on you, you should just boot him out?!

28 replies

deadthread · 19/12/2008 22:04

Never mind the excuses (his or yours) or the fact that you have children together or share a house. Once a twat always a twat. Never mind giving him a chance to roll out the sorry story. He's never going to change and you need to realise that!

OP posts:
WhatFreshMistletoeIsThis · 19/12/2008 22:05

hmmmmmm. Not sure where you're going with this.

But i would say YABU.

Divineintervention · 19/12/2008 22:06

Maybe he'll/you'll change, but betrayal is too far for me. I would spew 'cheat' at every turn!!

tiredemma · 19/12/2008 22:06

Some men do change. Dp cheated about 10 years ago. I found out, kicked him into touch and its never happened again.

What is the point in this anyway????

emkana · 19/12/2008 22:08

I used to think that way before I had children.

Now I would have to look very carefully at the situation because I would want to make very sure not to break my children's heart.

Fleurlechaunte · 19/12/2008 22:09

Sometimes you stop caring about what they do. I always feel faintly surprised when people post about how devastated they are that their dh/dp has cheated. I vaguely remember that feeling though......a long, long time ago .

MorningTownRide · 19/12/2008 22:10

Yes, this came from another place didn't it?

However, as much as i would love to kick dh out if he cheated I wouldn't be able to get childcare and a cleaner nearly as cheap as him!

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 19/12/2008 22:10

yabu every circumstance is different

ScottishMummy · 19/12/2008 22:15

oh how i love the simplistic my way or highway doctrines.very drama queen i aint takin no shit

but in the real world of complexities,shades of grey and real people life aint all you go girlfriend

Divineintervention · 19/12/2008 22:16

I would never forget and my imagination is far too active to let it lie.

nula · 19/12/2008 22:17

yes you are

retiredgoth2 · 19/12/2008 22:19

I know lots about this.

...because I have seen Love Actually, and Emma Thompson looked well upset when Alan Rickman did the dirty.

What more need we know?

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/12/2008 22:48

i think its possible to try and work things out IF you both want to

but

only forgive once, if anything happened again then hes out on his ear

kids or no kids, joint house or not!!

yousaidit · 19/12/2008 22:54

like scottishmummy said, what you think you'd do, and what the practicalities of rl allow you to do are two veeeeery different things. if you've got dcs, you've to look at the family unit as a whole, and n this day and age, money, joint incomes etc dictate what's 'easier' to do...

babbi · 19/12/2008 23:07

wot emkana and scottish mummy said .

LittleJingleBellas · 19/12/2008 23:09

Yes. YABVU.

People can change. And even if they don't, sometimes it isn't the right time to end the relationship.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 19/12/2008 23:11

put your wooden spoon away, lady.....

babylovessanta · 19/12/2008 23:11

YABU. I would seriously consider NOT kicking him out.

ReinDIORdroppings · 19/12/2008 23:12

Message withdrawn

sticksantaupyourchimney · 19/12/2008 23:14

Everyone makes their own decision according to their own circumstances. Just like the abortion question. For some people it really isn't a big deal. For other people it's a bigger deal than anything else (they'd put up with violence but not breaching monogamy...)

blissieblue · 19/12/2008 23:15

OP - has your husband actually cheated on you or are you just speculating?
I found out 2 months ago that my DH had been having an affair - it was of course devastating. Like you I always said I wouldn't stand for it...but then it happened and I was forced to evaluate everything that we have together and I realised that our marriage is stronger than that. He made a stupid, dumbass mistake, with some tart at work (can you tell I'm still bitter) but we have too much that is good to throw away - including being in love. Love and life are not black and white / never cut and dried. The longer you live the more you understand that.
Judge me if you will but in sticking with him I've made the best decision for me and my family. He won't get a third chance.

muminthecity · 19/12/2008 23:16

Yes, because it's always that easy

YABU

expatinscotland · 19/12/2008 23:18

for me, it's a dealbreaker based on where we are now.

for others, though, i guess not. and there are situations where you think, well, i'd probably go there, too.

i don't buy the 'he's a man' as an excuse.

i know plenty of women who do, too.

my mother knows a lot of women, we're talking married 40+ years and for one reason or another there was no more sex in their marriage and so they've had it, usually with another married man in a similar situation with just as much to lose, for over a decade. well, i don't know. i've not been in such a situation. don't know how i'd react.

people are people.

i have kids now so it's different.

i guess. it just never crosses my mind to cheat because there are children.

for me and my situation it would.

but things change, i suppose, for some folks.

blissieblue · 19/12/2008 23:19

and that was his 2nd chance, his 1st was when he married me

ScottishMummy · 19/12/2008 23:23

is OP a thread about a thread?

lilolilbethlehem · 19/12/2008 23:26

YABU. Have been married for 20 years, ups and downs like all relationships but still together and we both believe we're in it for the long haul. Would I boot him out if unfaithful? You know, when push comes to shove, i don't think I would. If he chose me over OW, then I'd give it a go. would make his life hell, make no mistake about it, but wouldn't just throw away all our years of marriage. If he hit me, then that would be a different matter, he'd be straight out and he knows it/ .