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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Presents from relatives being opened before Christmas?

34 replies

Fleurlechaunte · 19/12/2008 14:28

I have thought long and hard about starting this thread. I did a similar one this time last year.

My MIL came last night with three presents each for dc and wanted us to open them there and then so she could see their faces. I said no. I think it makes Christmas less special if presents are opened before hand. I offered that a smaller present than the big main ones be opened as a compromise but that was not accepted. It was all or nothing basically.

AIBU not to have let dc open these presents before Christmas? I am doubly irritated because this is the third Christmas in a row that it has been an issue. MIL says herself that she would not have let her own dc open presents before Christmas but expects me to. I think Christmas should be special and exciting and I don't think it is if you open every present as you get it. PIL are away for Christmas, again as they have been the last two years. Their choice. So AIBU?

OP posts:
santasinmywaistband · 19/12/2008 14:31

I don't think YABU as tats what youwant to do for your family, but I allow my dc to open one present on Xmas eve(from my sister who we do not see on the day) however nearly a week before no way.
Your mil should understand, or visit nearer to the day

Guadalupe · 19/12/2008 14:31

Well, I probably would have let them if it was me. It's not every present is it, it's from their grandmother and she wants to see her grandchildren's faces.

I know what you mean. Ours used to wait but then she never asked for them to open them.

Guadalupe · 19/12/2008 14:32

Opening one or two is a compromise though isn't it, would she not agree to that at all?

pinkspottywellies · 19/12/2008 14:32

We usually spend Christmas with DH's family so my family get together through Dec or Jan and have our own 'Christmas' including a special meal and opening presents. I think it's nice to spread things out and makes it last longer, and also makes the day with my family special.

However, that's not the same situation as yours and no I wouldn't be happy if she had just presented the gifts and expected that things would have changed from the last 2 years without discussion

If this is going to be the same every year then I think you and MIL need to organise something between you. Perhaps they can invite you for a meal and the kids can have one of thier presents, before Christmas.

DwayneDibbley · 19/12/2008 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

andyrobo237 · 19/12/2008 14:34

I think she has a cheek to expect you to allow kids to open pressies before Christmas, but wouldnt have let her kids to it!

Has she not heard of bringing them round when she gets back from her holiday - which will be after Christmas, and she can then see their faces as they open them, and they may appreciate the presents more as they have done all the opening at Christmas.

Typical of a MIL I am afraid!!

Original poster
Fleurlechaunte · 19/12/2008 14:36

DC 5 and 2 so the potential for uncontrolled excitement is huge! I love that. I remember as a child being so excited leading up to Christmas and I really do think it dilutes it if you are being allowed to open presents in the build up. She asked DH in front of me as well, which irritated me, thinking he would say yes. He just mumbled "Fleur doesn't want them to" and left me with it.

OP posts:
Guadalupe · 19/12/2008 14:36

Lol, I missed that she wouldn't let her own do it. That is typical!

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 19/12/2008 14:37

I think you're being a little harsh. They are presents from her after all - she doesn't have to buy them.
Really not worth making an issue about in my opinion.

justneedsomesleeppleasesanta · 19/12/2008 14:37

bit of a double standard is she didn't let her children open presents before christmas day.
however, it is just one and if they're anything like mine, they will have more than enpough to open on Christmas morning. Spacing them out can be good.Just a thought.

Original poster
Fleurlechaunte · 19/12/2008 14:39

Well we are going to keep them until they come back so spacing them out and MIL still gets to see their faces.

OP posts:
NCRedBreastedBirdy · 19/12/2008 14:45

YABU, IMO sorry!

Grandparents are allowed to realisebthat the things they did with their own DC was not the best way! (after all you would really be whinging she had beaten her dc with a slipper and decided this was still the best way with your dc) Progression is normal and reasonable.

LoolaBoys · 19/12/2008 14:55

I would say that they open them after Christmas too, so she can see them.

I have the problem that in my family all the Grannies and Aunties send pressies for the DC to open on Christmas day, I would rather they kept them for when we visit after Christmas so they can see my DC open the presents they have chosen for them. And also so we aren't overwhelmed with too amny pressies on Christmas Day

TimorousWeeBeastie · 19/12/2008 14:58

I wouldnt have allowed them to open them either. After christmas, fine. but not before!

ChristmasPenguin · 19/12/2008 14:59

YANBU, I actually find it quite hard to leave them until Christmas day as I get far too excited about Christmas. It's only sane DP that keeps me in check about these kind of things!

MillyR · 19/12/2008 15:18

I like to have christmas day as just me, dh and kids. I do not want any extended family there on the day (although I will have to change this as family members age and might end up widowed and so on).

As a consequence of this, I think that it is entirely up to other family members to decide when and how they give gifts, what those gifts are, how they are opened etc. My children end up having xmas present openings and fun on 4 different days as we visit different relatives in different parts of the country.

I think to open everything on 1 day would be overwhelming and would reduce fun for present givers, as each present seems less exciting if there are too many at once.

prettybutterfly · 19/12/2008 15:21

Would have been priceless, wouldn't it, if you'd given in and the kids' little faces had shown unalloyed disgust at the Granny-tat.

sunnygirl1412 · 19/12/2008 15:23

Fleurlechaunte - you seem to have found a very tactful and sensible solution. I don't think you were being unreasonable to say no to the presents being opened a week before christmas.

prettybutterfly · 19/12/2008 15:25

Oh, yanbu. Personally, I've given in. We've got step grandparents who can't all visit at the same time, we've got foreign rellies who send stuff that we'd have to take with us where WE'RE going. Then there's mil's Mountain of Quantity-over-Quality Shite too, and she likes to see the kids look askance at that personally. Sound ungrateful don't I? I'm honestly not. Much.

littleboyblue · 19/12/2008 15:26

Tough one isn't it, you can understand her wanting to experience that initial joy her gifts bring to he grandchildren but at the same time, it does make the whole xmas affair a bit less special if dc's know they'll get to open pressies whenever.
We were always allowed one on xmas eve, only a small one and once my parents seperated me and bro would go to dad's and open a few there and he'd bring rest over xmas day.
Would have been nice for her to agree that they have a smaller gift, but they're your dc's and especially if she said she wouldn't have allowed it with her dc's, she's being slightly unreasonable to expect you too.

dreamingofagreenlawnchristmas · 19/12/2008 15:30

Oh prettybutterfly are you sure we don't share a MIL? My dcs have had to be bribed not to openly refer to her presents as "Granny's House of Tat".

I'm not ungrateful honestly, I really really needed a gift wrapped box of Kleenex tissues

ilovetochatupsanta · 19/12/2008 15:31

yanbu, nothing should be opened before xmas day, mil gave dd her present weeks ago and said she could open it, i said no.

SatsumaMoon · 19/12/2008 15:33

You got off lightly - my MIL took my dcs out shopping at half-term for their Christmas presents (last time she would see them before Christmas) and let them have them when they got back to her house. I was more than a bit

cory · 19/12/2008 15:42

We always have early present opening as we travel to Sweden for Christmas and can't take dcs presents from us. And Grandma does enjoy seeing hers opened. Our compromise is to have an early advent celebration at Grandma's, with mulled wine in bed for breakfast and carols. So that does make it rather special and I am very glad that my dcs will have precious Christmas memories with Grandma too.

prettybutterfly · 19/12/2008 15:52

Roffle, greenlawn, I really hope not ... that would be quite
They sound like kindred spirits though!

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