to wonder how my DC managed to wonder out of class across a playground and hide in another empty classroom....

[whonickedmynickname]

There seem to be plenty of teachers on here so here's one for you......
DC1 is 5. Today apparently managed to walk out of the classroom in the middle of a lesson, down a corridor, out of an external door, across a playground and into another (empty) classroom and hide under a table for quite some time....
AIBU to ponder why the teacher had a go at me about my child's behaviour when all I can wonder is how the hell my child was able to do all of that with noone noticing?????!!!!

here we go, here we go, here we go......

Good post Leeloo1.

I'm a teacher - Y2. I have several children in my class with challenging behaviour. Quite often they will "opt out" and choose to leave the classroom and sit in the library (large shared area off the classrooms). Because this happens so often, rather than disrupt the rest of the class by going after them, either the Teaching Assistant or I will check that they are safely in the library and then leave them there until they decide to come back, or until one of us has the opportunity and time to spend talking to that child.

Anyway, on a very busy day last week, at least 3 children had been opting out at various points in the day, others were coming and going to collect paint, wash hands etc. and there were at least 3 different activities going on in the classroom.

The headteacher appeared at my door, bringing with him one of my class who had left the room (without asking, and without my noticing). Rather than go to the library as he usually did, he had wandered through the school, down to the Reception area and hidden himself between two cupboards.

There is very, very little I could have done to stop him doing it. He had never done it before, and yes, like leeloo says, to a certain extent, I have to rely on the fact that the children in my care know what they should be doing, and what they can expect me to do. This child knew that there was no way I would expect him to abscond as far as the office.

For those of you who are horrified by this, I ask you what you would be saying if your children's education was disrupted by their teacher leaving the room to coax children back into the room., or search the school for them.

I don't agree with the teacher having a go at you about your child's behaviour, but I think that you also need to consider the school's concerns about your child's behaviour seriously.

This statement is interesting to me. "I know I am biased - but I can't see how this behaviour is my child's fault???!!! 5 year olds will push boudaries to the limit - unless you stop them. My child is simply pushing boundaries and meeting no resistance yes?"

I disagree, I think that most NT children would know that it is not appropriate to be leaving the classroom, or agreed area without letting someone know, let alone going across an empty playground to an empty classroom. As a teacher, this behaviour would worry me to, and I would want to work with the parents, and possibly other outside agencies if it is part of a pattern of challenging behaviour.

too not to

I think that children need to be taught to be responsible for their behaviour and five years old is not too young. Unless he has major learning difficulties he knows he shouldn't walk out of a classroom without permission. There are no excuses. Your child controls his body and makes his own decisions.

These threads are hard because we never know the teacher's side.
"I know I am biased - but I can't see how this behaviour is my child's fault???!!! 5 year olds will push boudaries to the limit - unless you stop them. My child is simply pushing boundaries and meeting no resistance yes?"

Do you not think as a parent your child's behaviour reflects on you. You need to be involved in enforcing boundaries. You have far more freedom and time to talk and if necessary punish your child.

There is very little teachers can do to stop a child walking out. They cannot use restraint unless the situation is seriously dangerous and they have 29 other children to look after.

To be fair, the OP probably never told her son not to walk out of the classroom, because it never ocurred to her that he would. I certainly havent told my chidlren this!

However, I do often tell them that they are in school to learn, and that I expect them to behave, and do what the teacher says, etc. 5 yr old should be receptive to this, you just have to repeat it a few (hundred) more times.

Most 5 year olds would not need to be told to stay in the class room and not to hide. I agree with loobeylou.

Well my children have certainly surprised me several times by thinking of things that I hadnt told them not to do!

But IMO this is a problem of general attitude towards school. Maybe we are getting the wrong impression on this thread, but it seems that the OP is more concerned with her ds's self-esteem than with his behaviour in the school?

I am sure that the OP has never told her son not to walk out of a room. I agree that a five year old should be receptive to this.

Children do make stupid decisions and its part of growing up. Unfortunately they have take the consequences of poor behaviour.

For example I punish my six year old son when he forgets stuff, by not allowing him to watch TV or play on the computer. He is now very good at putting on his coat, changing into his outdoor shoes and remembering his PE kit and sweatshirt.

I don't think it's excessive carelessness not to keep 5yos under such constant supervision that they can't possible get out. After all, as somebody mentioned, children this age are expected to run minor errands such as take the register to the office. That should be well within the scope of a 5yo and would normally be expected unless the child had learning difficulties.

But a more serious concern is that this sounds like an unhappy little boy. That is the issue that the school, together with the OP, needs to address. What precisely is it that goes wrong between him and the other children? How can the school and the OP help to get it sorted?

ok some good points well made - to clarify a couple things....

I have QTS and am also now an early years professional - so I am not totally oblivious to what a 5 year old should and shouldn't be capable of. There could be a number of reasons why this happened and my main concerns are as follows:

1. My little boy is apparently so unhappy he wants to leave the room and hide
2. Either that or he has behavioural issues that mean he really doesn't understand the fundamental differences between right and wrong

My reason for starting the thread was to question whether I should be annoyed at the school for allowing him to wander around and hide......I am torn between my loyalties as an educational professional and those as a parent - I feel that its a little odd he managed to do it - and not for the first time - so as a parent I'm pretty annoyed about it but as a professional I'm wondering if I am being unreasonable.

Thanks for the opinions - keep em coming!

nighbynight -yes it would be fair to say I am more concerned about my child's self esteem than I am his behaviour in school....is that misguided? Thing is his behaviour at home is great - hes helpful, charming, does as hes asked.....I don't get why he is the way he is at school.

Just to add - he is at a new school - at his old school he was no angel but he never managed to get out of class or behave anything like as badly there as he seems to at this new school......don't know if thats relevant

I'd be very worried about 1) and 2) as well, whonicked. And 3) that it seems the teacher isn't. Something very wrong there.

What does ds say?

I taught 5 year olds for a while, have QTS myself, and train teachers.

They do wander about a bit, but if this had happened in my classroom I would still have been pretty embarrassed. I would also have had a chat to mum and child about why he felt the need to hide. Equally I would have also expected a complaint to the HT, which in my opinion would have been justified.

Teachers are in loco parentis and need to be more vigilant than this, even if they are busy. You do not want a child ending up on the road or sticking scissors into a socket, for example. End of story.

edam - thanks for asking what DS thought in all of this! When I asked him why he did it he said:

"fred told me to"

this does seem to be his standard response to alot of things regarding school - that various other children either did it first or told him to do it. Both the head and his teacher think he is lying when he does this. I have to take their word for it as I am not in the classroom with him (and nor can I be unfortunately)

virginboffinmum - that pretty much sums up how I was feeling - I don't want to give the school too hard a time as I do appreciate their day to day stresses but really - this is getting beyond a joke now

While it is sensible to ask 5-year-olds about their reasoning, out of politeness as much as anything, it is very rare for the answer to make sense IMO.

Also I think really they are too little to be at school - if we had a proper kindergarten system and put off starting school until the age of 6 or 7, things would be easier for them.

whonicked, if it's any help, I would have written an icily polite but outraged letter to the HT to make sure that if they kept their eye on any child, in future it would be my son. Any more crap and I would have sent a copy to the Chair of Governors.

But have you talked to him about how he feels about school generally? Asked him what makes him happy or sad? You could ask him to draw a picture - might give some insight given 5yos generally don't talk about their fears and feelings in a way that makes sense to adults.

and I don't think 'Fred told me to' is lying exactly. Pretty standard response from a small child who thinks they will be told off - makes sense from their point of view to ascribe blame to another.

I so agree with you there! He was NOT ready for school at 4 years old AT ALL and he still hasn't got into the swing of it tbh.

I think I know exactly why my child behaves at school as he does - thing is how do I rectify it? And how can I trust the school to do what needs to be done when they have enough trouble keeping him in one place!!!!

I wouldn't even dig around for an answer too much. He might not really know or remember himself. What is clear is that a) his teacher didn't notice he was missing for a very long time, and b) he had no obvious reason to stay in the classroom, it seems. He was voting with his feet. I would tell him that it's a bad idea to go on a wander in future, though.

edam - hes very confused about school to be honest. He doesn't get why he has to go - thing is he knows damn well I teach and he doesn't see why I can't teach him at home (he obviously doesn't understand the importance of him gaining social skills etc etc!)

boffin, that's really not a helpful reaction. Thre should be a proper meeting with those concerned, with everyone offering ideas which would hopefully lead to a solution.

How is being icy and threarening going to help this child?

Just kick ass politely until you get what you need. They need to be more frightened of you, I think. Bugger day to day stresses, they did wrong here. You don't all have to be bosom friends to get your kid a good education.

How can you trust the school?

Well, you need to have a meeting with those concerned and find out.