to be a bit annoyed that dh spent nearly £100 at tescos, this close to xmas, without discussing what we need first??

[schmu]

a bit of background...we are really, really strapped for cash, atm. we have been hit massively by the recession and i have been busting a gut over the past 2 months to adjust to a hugely reduced income. (dh has gone from earning very well to not drawing a salary at all- he's self employed- almost overnight.) i work p/t.

i have been shopping v carefully, cooking from scratch and really trying to be economical.

i went shopping last friday to buy a few xmas treats. then agin on sunday, for day to day groceries. i spent about £60 each time, which included some xmas foodie gifts.

my plan was to do a basic shop for veg and a few nibbles just before xmas, but not to do another big shop.

today, while i was at work, dh decided to go to tesco and spent £90+. i didnt know he was going and he bought alot of the same stuff that we already have.

to be fair, he did by some store cupboard bits that wont perish, but i feel that we need to be budgetting right now, not stock piling!

i bit my tongue when he came home, as i didnt want to start a row, even though i was instantly irritated that he'd been shopping when i've been so recently. it was only when i saw that he'd splashed out on a second xmas present for his dad that my irritation poured out, so to speak.

he was livid with me for not reacting gratefully to his shopping trip. he said that he was trying to be helpful, and that i am controlling, unreasonable etc etc and that all of the things he bought will be used eventually.

admittedly, i do usually choose/ do the shopping. but thats because i have more time and do the cooking. dh spent all that money and the only meals he got were frozen pizzas and pasta and sauce.

he was pretty unpleasant and mean, tbh. really sarcastic and horrid. he then went off to meet friends for a xmas drink, but not before accusing me of hiding his keys

should i have been grateful rather than annoyed? how would you have felt?

Schmu - sorry things are hard for you. I'm sure you are both feeling very stressed about your change in circumstances. It sounds like he was really trying to help and reacted defensively because he messed up. Be kind - I think he's probably feeling rubbish enough.
Hope things get easier for you in the new year.

We're skint, too (similar circmstances to you)

Have to say my DP would have been mightily pissed off if I'd had a go at him for doing a food shop

Though it would have irritated me if he'd gone and bought stuff we had already

But at the end of the day he is my partner and has as much right to spend our money as I have

Try not to let this one carry on, if things are tense already - try and let go of it a bit

YANBU but was he trying to help because of his new role as effectively unemployed? Was this his attempt to show that he can still be useful?

My DH would do this.

He has no job from mid January and I am part time.

He would say that Christmas is Christmas and that wants must etc etc. I would be freaked about the credit card bill.

bernard, thats true, he does have a right. i can see that. but he doesnt cook. he buys convenience food. if he bought quality stuff, i might feel differently

thanks, unavailable.

Schmu, sorry that you're having a hard time. I can imagine that you're both feeling pretty rubbish and stressed about this.

With regard to the budget, I've recently had to start quite a strict household budget, and we've developed a system that helps both of us to stop spending outside our means.

We take out the agreed amount of money when dh gets paid, and it gets divided between three boxes - petrol, food and spending money. We aim to spend £30 a week on food maximum, and it really helps to see what's in the box because it stops us spending too much.

It might help to discuss the budget with your dh, and organise a system where he knows what he can and can't spend, and then he won't do the wrong thing by accident.

pamelat, he is still v busy trying to set up new business ventures.

Yes, I can see why buying a load of convenience food wound you up - I'd have felt the same

teeny, i just cant spend that little on food. how do you do it?? what do you buy? what are your typical meals?

Dh spent £70 today at Morrisons (you get quite a lot at Morrisons for that ) and I said that werent we meant to be watching the pennies and he said how cheap he thought £70 was - completely different perceptions. It was never a problem when he worked/had an income but can see us needing a budget talk, as per teenytinytora suggestion.

no,no - not the Land of Spare Ooom. It could go on and on like that. You need each other at the moment, and he will have had time to think, and will hopefully come home ready to put it right with you.

TTT how do you stick to that food budget??

We've spent £4 on apples alone this week ....

but he will snore and smell of beer. and i will want to thump him

pmsl@ spare oom!

Don't let him sleep in the spare room! Better to build bridges before you go to sleep (and then you can kick him when he snores)

northern, i need to sleep now. am shattered. he wont be back till after midnight, i'm guessing.

'night all. and thanks. youve cheered me up a little.

Good night - hang in there - after all tomorrow is another day and all that

Well it's just me, dh and 21mth old ds (who eats like a horse though, lol!)

I shop at Asda for most things, fruit like grapes and blueberries from Aldi, milk from Farmfoods because it's £1 for 2 litres. I buy value brand tins, bread, pasta, etc. I try to get meat when it's on sale at the end of the day - got two big packs of turkey and chicken for £3 the other day. Aldi's breakfast cereals are identical to Asda's own, but a box costs 88p rather than £1.34. Budget includes cleaning stuff and nappies - ds is semi-potty-trained so we only need 3 packs of nappies a month now.We cook pretty much everything from scratch - typical week's meals - this week has been:

Vegetable risotto
Spag bol
Tuna pasta bake
Gammon steak and chips
Chicken stroganoff

It took a bit of getting used to, but we were tending to buy what we wanted as we needed it, rather than planning ahead, which really saves money.

My shopping bill each week is around £86 (average over last five weeks).

Theres me, dh, ds1 who is 6 and on school meals and ds2 who is 2.6 and still in nappies.

I wondered what other people's bills are? Does that seem high ???

I aim for £70 but often overshoot, so about the same as me - mine are 6 + 4 and fully tt. Both have school lunches.

schmu - you won't get this 'til the morning and hopefully things will seem a whole lot better then anyway.

I don't think YABU at all. I'd have been completely livid. But (and even now I feel angry on your behalf) I suppose he thought he was helping. Hopefully tomorrow's alcohol-induced guilt will make him appreciate that he was perhaps a bit unreasonable, at which point you can graciously accept his apology and ask him to consult you pre-Tesco in future. At least I really hope that's what happens!

Without wine or baby milk (which we buy locally) ours is normally £60 a week.

Me, DH and 11 month old DD. That tends to last 6 days and we have a take away on one night instead.

We managed to get our shopping bill down to £200 a month by buying it monthly and freezing everything freezable.

I can highly recommend those High street markets that sell loads of fresh produce. Stallholders would put out bowls of fruit/veg for £1.

You can really load up - the produce won't necessarily last that long, but if you use the veg to cook up a big meal and freeze some portions, it's fabulous. (And you can have a splurge on fruit which would normally be expensive but needs to be eaten that day so cheap).

There were many times when I couldn't spend more than £10 because I couldn't actually carry any more.

You can also freeze some vegetables in 'ready to use' sizes, ie whatever amount you know you need for a recipe, put that into a small plastic container and freeze (I always keep my plastic containers like margarine containers, etc, so just use them to store things in the freezer - doesn't bother me if I break them eventually as I have so many of them and they didn't actually cost me anything).

Perhaps you are going a bit OTT, as you say it was a one off.