to want my 23 year old bully to leave home

[susanne1964]

I have brought up my two kids (boy of 23, girl of 15) on my own for the past 13 years. I have always worked and spoilt the boy but learnt a lesson and did not spoil the girl. she is as cute as can be. My problem is the boy, he is aggressive, nasty, and thinks he is man of the house. He basically bullies us. When I give him money he is really nice but when he is out of work he can be abusive and nasty. I have put up with him for years thinking that he was hard done by. Friends of his have told me that he was the best dressed etc in the area and I know now he is a spoilt brat. My family and friends tell me to throw him out but how can i do it if he has nowhere to go, now getting to the end of the road with him where i look at him and see his father and realise they are so alike. Myself and my daughter just want a easy life and want him out of the house, but he threatens to smash it up. I just want a peaceful life now I am tired, i have so done my very best by him and he blames all life problems on me. just need advice i suppose but i also need to bring my daughter up and make her realise that not all men are verbal bullies and spoilt brats because that what he is. i am struggling to cope he is bigger and louder than me and i dont know what to do. please give some advioe

I agree with Granny22. This is domestic abuse - the fact it is being done by your son rather than your partner, and is verbal rather than physical doesn't change that.

There are lots of good agencies that will help and support you while you work out your next course of action. They have tons of experience and will be on your side while you sort this out. It is clear that something has got to change. Use your phone book to find a local agency (or go to womensaid).

I really feel for you but you sound like you are ready to face up to the situation and sort it out. Dont't try and do it alone, get help and support from agencies aswell as family. Prepare yourself for a hard few weeks or months - he isn't going to accept a change in the status quo (that suits him so well!) without a fight but hang on in there and think of everything that you all have to benefit from bringing the current situation to an end.

The best of luck to you.
all the best
X

Please do something about him for your own sake but especially for your DD. I really feel for you but especially your poor DD.I know it must be really hard but you need to throw him out and be prepared to get the police involved - be strong. Good luck.

Other posters are right - it is domestic abuse.

Agree - you must think of your DD now. He must go.

Sounds very like my much younger brother who is 18. He smoked all the time, flew into rages if mum didn't give him money for things to smoke, like yours, thought the world owed him everything and was loud and aggressive and kicked in the door and so on and so on. Impossible to live with but refusing to move out.

I'm afraid in the end she found him a flat, me and my husband paid for it and he somehow saw us as siding with her and refused to speak to us after I said no to lending him money, again. He wouldn't go there so in the end she did call the police during one of his door smashing, plate throwing rages and he was given
a warning and, I think there was some sort of family liason thing that happened at the police station.

It seemed to shock him a bit. He never thought she would actually call the police. He called her the most dreadful things, once while she was on the phone to the police and they said she didn't have to put up with it as it was abuse. He hadn't seen it like this of course.

It is far from fine atm, he still turns up and has a meltdown about this that and the other but it is vastly improved. He also hasn't seen his dad and had a hard time and I feel sorry for him but he had to learn you can't treat people like that. I think he's learning.

I would speak to your local police station and CAB, they will be able to advise you. Good luck.

How are things today? Hope you are ok?

i cant he is bigger than me, more aggresive than me, louder than me. God i am so strong at work but cant do this at home. I love him but resent him so much. I want him out and so does katie. She cannot even bring friends home without him causing a row. Omg i am such a wimp i just want to run away with katie and start again. Katie is going to her dad's on xmas day and leaving me with Dan, my idea not hers. I just want her out of this crap

im scared of what will happen