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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be outraged that dp doesnt feel bf is a good thing?

70 replies

xcited4xmas · 16/12/2008 23:15

me and dp are expecting in august 09 and we have been discussing breastfeeding tonight. I told him it's something i feel very strongly about and will be doing as i did with ds untill hes was 13 mos old. I was on my own with ds so all the decisions were down to me but now things are different as i am in a relationship. But dp has said to me that he prefers bottle feeding and he would feel uncomfortable with me bf in public. We are not living together and not sure if we will be by the time baby is here and if not he will be having the baby some nights (at weekends) he sais he wants to bottlefeed if this happens but i really dont want the baby being bottle fed at all. I have offered a comprimise of breastfeeding only for 6 months or so for all the health benefits but im scared that he might not agree even after thinking it through. Breastfeeding is something i feel very strongly about for many reasons. The health benefits, the bonding and the feeling of security for the baby. Please anyone help with similar experiences ect?

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 20/12/2008 15:30

"I would say "I will do what is best for me and my baby when the time comes and thats the end of the matter!". "

wouldn't it be better to discuss things and appreciate each others wishes and views?
other wise when the child becomes older and overnight stays (or longer) are frequent the father could just as easily take this view of "i'll do what's best for me and my child when he is in my care" and go completely against the op's way of parenting when he's looking after them leading to constant conflict and inconsistencies for their child.taking the attitude of "it's my baby and i'll do what i like" doesn't really work when both parents are involved as the child is both of theirs equally

twitteringbirds · 20/12/2008 15:36

Remember it's your health as well as the baby's that's affected by a decision not to breastfeed. You have a higher risk of breast cancer, osteoporosis, etc if you bottlefeed.

Shitemum · 20/12/2008 15:37

By xcited4xmas on Tue 16-Dec-08 23:26:32
he sais that he just prefers bottlefeeding as it "gives the baby all the nutrition it needs"

oh, right, well he obviously knows what he's talking about...

ALovelySongbirdInaPearTree · 20/12/2008 15:41

i put your foot down, i strongly beleive in bf till baby/child self weans.

wait till baby is here and if you still haven't managed to educate him by then, ssay look at this lovely baby why would you not wnat the best for him/her?

bet any money by the time the baby is born he will want you to bf, it will be nothing but the best for my little so and so.

goodluck

piscesmoon · 20/12/2008 15:47

Gosh-surprised this is still going! I don't see the problem-don't discuss it (or even mention it again) and don't buy any bottles or a sterilizer-when the time comes just start breast feeding.

Shitemum · 20/12/2008 15:54

lovelysong - but the problem is that he obviously thinks formula is better for babies than breastmilk.

aam · 20/12/2008 16:00

Don't worry now. When the time comes you will both do what comes naturally. Good idea to have formula handy just in case.

ALovelySongbirdInaPearTree · 20/12/2008 16:06

shitemum thats probably only because he doesn't understand the risks of ff for baby and mother.

hopfully with the right info, in 8 months we will be all for bf.

Siriusmewisathreadkillertoo · 20/12/2008 16:12

Tell him that when he gives birth he can decide how to be fed. And if he's still being bolshie squirt him in the eye with some breast milk and say. "Well it has to go somewhere if the babies not getting it!" . Probably not very helpful but with all these sensible posts I thought I'd try and make you smile!!

ALovelySongbirdInaPearTree · 20/12/2008 16:16

lol sirius.

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 20/12/2008 16:19

I agree, he feels it's not right for HIM. It is right for you and the baby.

Obviously if you were married and living together for the sake of harmony and a good relationship it'd be better to agree, but as this isn't the case, you should definitely do what you know is right, as it's your decision. You're still independent and shouldn't try to do the wrong thing to please a man who (in this regard) is being selfish.

jingleMAMADIVAsbells · 20/12/2008 16:19

Okay first of all Congratulations to both of you.

Wouldn't worry about it to much though because 8 months is a long time and by then he will hopefully understand abit more, I am assuming this is his first child.

I don't think he is being pushy etc but he does sound as though he doesn't understand much about it TBH.

Encourage him to come along to NCT groups and ante natal groups etc as this will provide him with plenty of info about both without pushing it on him IYKWIM. I would sit down and talk to him (calmly and actually listen to him) about why his perception of BF is so bad and FF is so good as there are clear links that whilst FF is good for a baby if BF can't be established there are alot of things against it too.

Thinking about the public issue perhaps explain to him that you don't actually just whip them right out, maybe this is an issue for him.

Anyway sorry for wittering and hope everything goes well for all of you

gabygirl · 20/12/2008 16:54

"Good idea to have formula handy just in case"

Just in case of what?

That the OP can't bf?

Well - that's one way to undermine any confidence she or her family might have in the reliability of breastfeeding.

jingleMAMADIVAsbells · 20/12/2008 17:07

gabygirl- Formula can come in handy it's not undermiming anyone's confidence it's just being practical.

piscesmoon · 20/12/2008 17:39

I wouldn't have formula ready just in case. I didn't know if I could BF, in fact I found it very difficult, but I certainly didn't waste money on formula or bottles that never ever got used.
Once you have had the baby you can just quietly BF-much easier if you don't have anything else in stock.

ALovelySongbirdInaPearTree · 20/12/2008 17:52

i wouldn't get formula in just in case.

a good tip for bf is, never give up in the night.

it always seems better in the morning

twitteringbirds · 21/12/2008 00:02

Mamadiva, you're less likely to bfeed successfully if you have formula in the house.

MotherChristmas2OliverJames · 21/12/2008 00:27

Tell him that breastfeeding is cheaper that might sway him a little

lovecat · 21/12/2008 10:13

DD had expressed bottles and bf from 1 week old and she had no confusion or reluctance to take one or t'other. DH loved the time he spent one on one feeding her at 10pmish and I loved having several hours of undisturbed sleep!

I would however be a bit at the idea of him having the baby overnight on his own at such a young age, however (this is probably my own personal paranoia but when DD was tiny I wouldn't have been able to sleep at all if I'd known she was elsewhere!).

lalalonglegs · 21/12/2008 10:30

Is he very young? If not, I think his attitude is shocking and you should definitely take no notice whatsoever.

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