to be fuming at my step sister who has sent a christmas card to my parents, with a letter inside, trashing my dad, criticising my parents and infering that he should not have a good relationship with my daughter because shes "only" his step granddaughter?

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

Well... Am I?

what a bitch

complete cow - why on earth would she bother?

how inappropriate and nasty

is she very young?

YANB

What a piece of work !

How did you find out? Did they show you the letter ? [nosy]

No, shes bloody 40 years old

I know about the letter as the card was opened my mum, dad left it on the side and my younger sister (so her half sister) has seen it, so now we all know.

So

She wrote in the letter that she finds it difficult to know he is close to my daughter when he isn't that close to her kids, we all live within a small radius of each other, she doesn't go up and visit, I go up every week, so of course my dad sees my dd more.

god, families [if I had an eye rolling emoticon I would use it here]

i could maybe have understood a young person lashing out but a 40 year old

it is so shitty - what is she hoping to achieve?

have her feelings come as a shock to you all?

What an absolute bitch, how immature and selfish she is.
Have you spoken to your parents about it?

I have never had a close relationship with her. Her dad married my mum when I was four, but I have known him since I was two, I dont know "the sperm donor" who contributed to my life, so my "step"dad is the only dad I know, and it makes no diference to me iyswim, he is my dad.
SS used to be close to my older sister (4 yrs older than me) as she moved into the house with us when my sister was about 17, they used to go out, and she was close to my younger sister (half sister to us both), but we have never been close, I use the term openly hostile, she has never really liked me. But it didn't stop her ringing my dad, crying and saying she was upset I hadn't asked for her daughter (my neice) to be my bridesmaid at my wedding, so I went for family peace and asked her.

SS was not around when my dad had a nervous breakdown, it was my mum, me and 2 sisters picking up the pieces. She was not around when there were big family problems last year with my aunt (who other story, again very sad)

SS has only ever really "needed" my dad when she has been in trouble (i.e. when her husband caught her shagging the next door neighbour) and only goes up a few times to see him, she has let her children do what they like so they do get a little told off at my parents (they have never really been told "no", but my parents will tell them to stop throwing stuff around etc) but MY DD also gets told off at my parents if she is being naughty, so its not special treatment.

Am just fuming. Cannot believe she has done this. She even put in the letter that her brother feels the same, mum has spoken to him and he knows nothing about it

My poor dad

miserable selfish wench - I hope your mum & dad see her for the piece of work she really is

I have spoken to my mum, she is very upset for my dad, she doesn't really give a toss if ss doesn't like her, just upset for him.

I haven't spoken to my dad, he has gone to bed. I am going to phone him tomorrow, but dont really know what to say. Somehow "I'm sorry your daughter is a crazy bitch" doesn't seem right!

aw - your poor dad

she sounds very emotionally immature as well as mean

why would she do this - is she hoping your Dad will freeze you out?

I want to phone her and shout at her, she has always had a habit of getting everybody to pay attention to her and I am furious that she feels it is okay to drag my daughter into this

She wrote that she was upset that my dad had never given her an anniversary card when she was married to her dh (despite her two affairs) but in 23 years she has never given my parents an anniversary card?! Its just so stupid!!

I dont know why she would do this or what she hopes to achieve.

Freezing out wouldn't work, I've been through a lot with my dad, when he had his nervous breakdown it was really difficult between us, a lot of his focus was on me and we went through some tough times, but I think it has made our relationship stronger. Me and my two sisters go to my parents every Saturday night.

so, phone her but when you are less angry

ask her calmly what she is trying to achieve

she is probably jealous of your closeness with your dad

I'd be happy for her to take it out on me but not my dad.

How awful though to open a christmas card & find a hateful letter!

Its okay re the number, I cant ring her, I dont know her number

It is a horrible thing to happen, but if you see her as the one to be pitied it might help.
She obviously has a problem and now that she is 40 with DCs of her own she shouldn't be trying to put her problem on someone else. I would let it blow over and later on ask if if she thinks it would be worth seeing her GP and getting some counselling.

I just feel we have all bent over backwards to apease her, and its crossed my line now.

I am not sure if she is going to be there on boxing day at my parents, its typically the only time I see her. It will be a tense one if she is!

Wow!! This man has been in your life since you were two. Before any issues of grandparent or not, he is your Dad. She needs to deal with THIS before anything else!

She's excluding herself. Trying to force her dad to 'choose blood'. She needs to talk to somebody outside of the family who can help her to see things clearly.

If she was less self-absorbed (depressed) she'd try to get on with her half sister and her step sister and mum.

Perhaps your Dad could take the drivign seat once in a while. I know men of that generation tend to let their wives do the family stuff, and that's usually fine, but I'd say your Dad just needs to put his mouth where his heart is.

Your step sister sounds sad and excluded.

I think she expects too much from my dad. He doesn't really ring me or my sisters. My dad has been trying to contact SS, but she has changed her phone numbers & not given anybody the numbers, he went around but nobody answered.
I think she has visions of my dad coming to my house for high tea or something - I've lived away from home for 6 years, the only time they come to the house is to drop off / pick up dd if they have helped out in an emergency and to fix my heating! I see my parents at their house when I go up there, which suits me as a) I get to see my sisters as well so one trip not three, and b) I dont have to clean my house

my dad would never ring me in a month of sundays either! he's just there in the bcakground when Mum does you know! But that's ok,cos I know he does love me.

Your SS sounds like she needs her Dad to PROVE he loves her! Not something that most men of my Dad's generation are equipped to naviagate. Especially when they're having to wade through the drama to understand what's really going on.

ps, not for a minute blaming your Dad! My Dad wouldn't be able for it either; good man though he is!

thats the thing, how does a 66yr old man prove this!