to be fuming at my step sister who has sent a christmas card to my parents, with a letter inside, trashing my dad, criticising my parents and infering that he should not have a good relationship with my daughter because shes "only" his step granddaughter?

[ElfOnTheTopShelf]

Well... Am I?

Actually, I think you'll find she implied rather than inferred.

get back to your corner
was quite cross when creating my title, too busy ensuring there were no swear words to check correct words!

Sorry!

It's late (for me) and I am struggling with spreadsheets so in a funny mood.

Think I should just go to bed

Ah, I had an awful day with spreadsheet today, and my plan was to come home, wrap the christmas presents and bake a cake... best laid plans!

YANBU what a mean cow - in a xmas card of all things!

am off to bed now, bit late!!
I am going to ring my dad in the morning to see how he is

It sounds like she is just mean spirited and the letter will obviously have caused much pain to your dad/stepdad.

What has your mum said about the letter?

I would not recommend speaking to your dad, if he loves you both, he will instinctively try to smooth things over to avoid a family rift and you will end up feeling that her behaviour is being accepted and becoming more annoyed by the situation. This is a matter between the 2 of them and all you can do is sit back and pick up the pieces unfortunately.

I agree with pp actually, 'talking to your Dad about your SS' will put him in an awkward situation.

I agree the letter was mean-spirited, and especially at christmas, but I am friends with a girl who is in the SS's shoes. SHe's not a bad person at all but she's probably done some bonkers things like this. I know she's written a letter like this to her stepMum. She just feels like she's on the outside looking at her family and knocking on the window and she can't get IN.

I know it's easy for me to be objective and say to her that even in a FAMILY you can't demand loyalty and love. You just have to act like a person who deserves it and hope it comes.

Maybe your Dad could go to lunch with just his daughters??? It means nothing to you. You can afford to be gracious and not care! because it#s nothing to you and you know you have a good relationship with him. It might smooth her ruffled feathers. SHe's probably not actually trying to be a bitch. She's probably upset.

I have spoken to my dad today and he is okay.
I'm still fuming about the way she did it, if she is feeling left out or feeling there are issues then there are better ways to approach that sticking a letter inside a christmas card.
I do feel sorry for my dad, its hard when she makes no effort to go up to his house, and has now changed phone numbers and not given the family the number for him to get in contact.

I have a daughter like that. she will never let me take to her 4 yrs old DS, even though he loves to talk on the phone and she won't put the 2 yrs DS on the phone because she says he is only a baby.

She has written some nasty letters and sent some horrible texts in the past - one letter I have kept and I will show it to her DS's when they get older.

My DH even wants to take her name out of our wills. that's how bad she has got.

no have similar family background myself and would probably react violently be very upset/annoyed if any relation of mine did this (in fact 2 have in the past and have got short shrift from both me/my dad).

and the dad ringing thing -as liffey says .. its just not a dad thing really is it?

and am so sad for your poor mum/dad - what a nasty shock in a xmas card

YANBU to be upset but maybe your ss genuinely feels your df does favour his other children and she is hurt. Just because she is 40, she doesn't have a monopoly on being wise, considerate or even mature. Your df should trey to speak to her and sort it out without interference.

I have a sister like this. My mum met my dad when I was a baby and then they married and went on to have 3 more children. My sister sees herself as his 'eldest' child

Very similar to yours and my parenst put up with it due to her alcohol and mental issues but I find it very hard to be in the smae room as her

I feel for you and your family x

If you were his "real" daughter would she be the same? I'm sure that one man is capable of loving all his children the same, however many he has!

We have the opposite, my OH's family don't have anything to do with us (apart from one sister and her family) and only really see his step-dad when they want something (again apart from the sister). All my OH's nieces/nephews call his step-dad by his name or grandad (name). He calls his step-dad by his name because he was an adult when he came into his life, but he's been far more of a dad to him than his own father and I think he sees him as his dad. I've only known him so I see him as my OH's dad too and I don't do the "Grandad (name)" thing, he's grandad as far as my children are concerned. We feel far more like part of the step-family than his own family, we even get invited to their Christmas get-together rather than his own family's!

I dont know, I suspect she wouldn't feel the same if we were blood related, she never seems to have a problem if dad spends time with her brother and not her, it is just all in relation to me, and my two sisters.
Am that she doesn't like my daughters relationship with my dad.
What irritates me is that my parents were through a load of crap last year, my old thread so i'm cross she cant let them get over that before throwing another issue.

oh dear - sounds like my family.....

I still after all these years get stressed about it - so no you are definately not being unreasonable!

If you had only known your dad for a year or two then she may have a point.........but as a toddler FFS??!!

She needs some help doesn't she bless her.