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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wish my friend would do something about her daughter's constant tale telling?

55 replies

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/12/2008 20:36

It is really getting on my tits and is making DD1 quite depressed. I cannot pick her up from the after school club without said friend's child racing across the floor to tell me with glee that DD1 only got 2 out of 10 in her tables test, that she was kept in at break time, that she came last in cross country, got a D or E on her school report for something etc etc.

I used to laugh it off, but it is just getting beyond a joke, as DD1 usually ends up in tears on the way home. Her mother has heard her and usually just laughs. I have tried saying (in front of mother) it's not kind to tell tales, and today I (childishly) resorted to "Well aren't you the regular little tell tale tit! Always first to tell on others! It must be wonderful to be so perfect! You must tell DD1 what your secret is!" (Said like Joyce Grenfell with accompanying snarl.)

She looked a bit shocked, but didn't say anything (neither did her mother). I could see DD1's lip starting to wobble, so we left hastily. I've reached the stage where I (almost) wish she would tell tales on someone less "nice" than DD1 who would bite back or whack her!

I am going to have to say something to my friend, aren't I...? Can I do so tactfully, given my playground behaviour today? Both our DDs are 10, BTW.

OP posts:

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 15/12/2008 20:38

when she starts - don't let her finish her sentence. Interupt with "Please stop, I don't wish to hear your report."

or is that too cruel?

thisisyesterday · 15/12/2008 20:38

i would probably just try and avoid her, or just say "yes, yes dear..." and start talking over the top of her to dd as you walk off.

make it very clear that you aren't listening.

but I do think you can have a word with the mum too, just say that it's upsetting your dd... and what is she going to do about it?

DoubleBluff · 15/12/2008 20:38

I would be more forceful and show her you are angry
'for goodness sake x will you stop telling tales on my duaghter it is really getting onmy nerves. She won't want to be friends with you if you carry on'
and walk off

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 20:40

After that, you might not need to.

It is infuriating when someone tattles endlessly on your child. A good response is to say "Oh well never mind." And then turn your back on the snitcher, to tell your child all about the lovely things you're going to do at home.

artichokes · 15/12/2008 20:40

Talk to the mother not the daughter.
Some the ideas on here are cruel to say to a 10 year old who may not have been taught how hurtful telling tales is. It is her mother's job to educate her.

saggyhairyarse · 15/12/2008 20:41

And maybe a "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" wouldn't go a miss.

Alambil · 15/12/2008 20:41

I'd say "No - I'm not listening. Don't tell me" and walk away.... if she follows, repeat it ad nauseum

Or DB's effort

TheCrackFox · 15/12/2008 20:41

I think you did the right thing. Nobody likes a tell-tale and in the long run you have done her a favour by telling her. She is 10yrs and should have learnt some tact by now.

I wouldn't apologise either because her mum should have nipped this in the bud long ago.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 15/12/2008 20:43

Agree with Yesterday just talk over the top of her while occasionally giving her an obligtary "thats nice dear" with a little nod.

MadamAnt · 15/12/2008 20:43

Agree with Coldtits' approach.

warthog · 15/12/2008 20:44

yes, talk to the mum. i wouldn't say anything to the daughter.

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 20:44

Yes, 10 is VERY old to still be snitching away like a year one. I expect this from 5 and 6 year olds, and even then I ask them if they are teachers, and if not I'm sure the teacher will tell me anything I need to know.

Original poster

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/12/2008 20:45

I think I will say something to the Mum, although the child is a PFB only and absolutely dictates to her parents - eg they don't have a real Christmas tree, because she doesn't like the smell, her mother won't wear blue because child doesn't like it on her etc etc.

But perhaps, as Colditz says, I won't have to after my outburst. I really was at the end of my tether!

OP posts:

TheBrayingBanshee · 15/12/2008 20:47

FGS she's only a kid, be the adult and talk to the mum and get it sorted out without resorting to spats in the playground. If you had talked to the mum sooner you wouldn't have got so furious because it would hopefully all be sorted out by now.

BellsCarolsNSleighs · 15/12/2008 20:49

she's 10!! .. well your reply was a lot more polite than mine would have been.

"I really don't want to listen to your imature gleeful tell tailing. My dd can speak for herself without your help.. and I'm sure your not perfect either"

SmilePlease · 15/12/2008 20:50

Is your friend quite over protective of her dd?

if so she might overreact to you having a word with her on the matter.

cheshirekitty · 15/12/2008 20:52

Do you think this little girl is jealous of the relationship you have with your dd? Does she get attention at home? Or am I reading too much into this?

MrsSnape · 15/12/2008 20:53

This does my head in. I used to have the same problem...

"DS got into trouble AGAIN today!"
"DS got all his spellings wrong today!"
"DS got sent out of the assembly today!"

and her mum used to just ignore her. I started off with "I know, the teacher tells me everything I need to know" but when she kept on with it I just ended up saying "I don't care what he does at school"

kitbit · 15/12/2008 20:53

Agree that some of these are quite nasty things to say to a 10 year old. If her mother isn't telling her it's wrong, she probably doesn't know, or realise the impact. Such comments could really hurt.

Talk to the mother instead and try and tackle the problem there. In the meantime if it were me I would try some avoidance rather than confrontation, and when a tale starts coming out either interrupt and distract, or smile and say "ooh, sounds interesting, can you tell me that later" or something. Either way, I think I'd talk to dd about it too so that she knows she has support from you.

Original poster

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/12/2008 20:54

SmilePlease - yes, both her parents let her dictate to them, as I have said before. BrayingBanshee - I had hoped that it was enough, to say in front of mother that it wasn't kind to tell tales (that would have done it for me) without having to point out in words of one syllable (which is clearly what I am going to have to do) that Snitching Is An Unpleasant Trait And Not One Which Is Going To Win Her Any Friends.

OP posts:

Original poster

MrsSchadenfreude · 15/12/2008 20:57

Cheshirekitty - I think this child gets too much attention at home, personally.

DD1 knows she has my full support - I have told her to walk away and ignore this child when she does it at school (she tells tales on DD1 to the teacher as well, apparently).

OP posts:

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 20:57

I don't think learning that 'Other people's parents love them just as much as yours love you' is a bad lesson to learn. And if her mother is so ineffective that she still hasn't managed to stop her daughter's rudeness despite 10 years and a hint from you, you need to step in and do it for her.

SmilePlease · 15/12/2008 20:59

Maybe just keep your distance?

Sounds a bit extreme, but it is up to you.

tiredsville · 15/12/2008 21:02

Ask her, in a decent tone. "Why do you care?"

SmilePlease · 15/12/2008 21:05

Yeah, i think i agree with you tiredsville.

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