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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross that my in laws have just given my son a mobile phone without asking me?

30 replies

elastamum · 15/12/2008 19:26

My DS1 who is 9 has wanted a mobile phone for ages. I have told him several times lately that at 9 he is too young to need one and he can have one when he is older. He rang me from his dads earlier today to tell me that grandad had given him a pay as you go phone. He is delighted. I am furious that they didnt ask if I minded and to be fair his dad did seem a bit embarassed. The irony is we dont have any mobile reception at all where we live so he cant use it here anyway. Dont know whether to raise it with the grandparents as we are not getting on well lately as they have been totally unsupportive since my H left us what would you do?

OP posts:
rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 15/12/2008 19:27

are they paying the bill?

RubyRioja · 15/12/2008 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

luvlydECMOrations · 15/12/2008 19:28

Ignore it. If he can't get a signal at home he won't be able to use it much anyway. They maybe waiting for a reaction from you if they knew you didn't want him to have one so don't give them the satifaction.

GrimmaTheNome · 15/12/2008 19:30

Its not unreasonable to be cross, but did the GPs know that you didn't want him to have a phone yet?

If its pay as you go, its not too bad I suppose - just tell him he'll need to save present/pocket money if he wants top ups, grown up gifts come with grown up responsibilities.

nowwearefour · 15/12/2008 19:33

i think it is completely outrageous of them nad i would be FURIOUS. you are definitely NBU. how you deal with it is a nother issue- deends how you ant the relationship to go. is it your ex h's parents then i gather? they do need to konw there is a line so i would perhaps try to gently say something?

MaryBeWaiting · 15/12/2008 19:34

If my DD (9) was given it, it would be confiscated except for emergencies.

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 19:35

I think YABU. What's wrong with ds wanting a phone? What's wrong with gps buying him one?

Had you told the gps thaT they weren't to buy a phone? If you had, then they have overstepped the mark, I suppose.

nowwearefour · 15/12/2008 19:44

it is a big thing to buy and most parents have thought about when they think a suitable time for THEIR child would be to have one. GPs should know that with something like this they should ask the parents first. I guess tricky if they asked the H rather than the mum if they are not together but i get the impression no permission was sought at all. outrageous

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 19:46

why is it a big thing to buy? They are cheap gadgets. Cheap and fun.

janeite · 15/12/2008 19:50

You are not unreasonable. I would be furious.

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 19:51

oh janeite, i'm disappointed

janeite · 15/12/2008 19:52

?

nowwearefour · 15/12/2008 19:53

but they cost money to run. that money has to come from somewhere. they are not usually allowed in school. it is a parents right surely to decide what they feel is appropriate for their own child?

wrinklytum · 15/12/2008 19:53

YANBU.I would be annoyed in the circumstances,sounds as if they are being quite undermining.I personally feel that 9 is too young for a mobile but am aware lots of people's views differ on this one.

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 19:56

we didn't have mobile phones when we were young and so for some reason people think they are special things.

They are cheap new technology. You can limit the amount of money they use on it. I don't really see teh big deal with phones.

janeite · 15/12/2008 19:59

The problem as I see it is that phones are treated almost as toys and they are not.

Why am I the only person who has disappointed you?

Joolyjoolyjoo · 15/12/2008 19:59

YANBU- I do think it's up to the parents when they want their child to have a mobile. This happened to friends of ours- their dd (8) had begged them for a mobile phone for Christmas. They discussed it and decided she was too young, didn't need it, would most likely lose it, so they said no. their dd was unhappy, but accepted it. They bought her loads of other stuff, which she was hapy with until they went to her gran's (who knew the story) on Christmas afternoon, only for her to be presented with...a mobile phone!! . She quickly lost interest in all the other presents they had chosen for her, and drove them all mad texting her gran until she ran out of credit, which led to her whinging for more. Then she lost it 2 wks later- cue more anguish

If the gp's knew your stance, they are being totally unreasonable. But could it have been an honest mistake (eg he told them that was what he wanted, and they didn't know you didn't want him to have it??)

HSMM · 15/12/2008 20:00

My sister bought my DD one for her 9th birthday and I told her she could not give it to her,

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 20:00

'cause I thinmk I only know you

MarlaCarolSinger · 15/12/2008 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smellyeli · 15/12/2008 20:02

YANBU - I would be livid - but I would probably let it go. Are they your (ex) H's parents? I would uncharitably suggest they are trying to buy their way out of an awkward spot, and getting cross would give them a reaction, which as ECMO says, may be what they want.

spicemonster · 15/12/2008 20:02

yanbu

janeite · 15/12/2008 20:02

Ooh ooh I like it: I've been recognised! Am I now a fully fledged "oldie" then?

poinsettydog · 15/12/2008 20:07

No. You;'re on here too much . And you are var sensible. Apart from on this topic.

janeite · 15/12/2008 20:09

Lol. Why, thank you!

Janeite tries to recall ever being sensible.

I think the thing is that many people DO have strong opinions about children and mobiles and it is up to the parent, not the grandparent, to decide at what age they will allow their child to have one. We made our dds wait until beginning secondary school, for example.