To be cross that my in laws have just given my son a mobile phone without asking me?

[elastamum]

My DS1 who is 9 has wanted a mobile phone for ages. I have told him several times lately that at 9 he is too young to need one and he can have one when he is older. He rang me from his dads earlier today to tell me that grandad had given him a pay as you go phone. He is delighted. I am furious that they didnt ask if I minded and to be fair his dad did seem a bit embarassed. The irony is we dont have any mobile reception at all where we live so he cant use it here anyway. Dont know whether to raise it with the grandparents as we are not getting on well lately as they have been totally unsupportive since my H left us what would you do?

yanbu. my brother, who is 10, has finally got his mitts on a mobile and it has caused nothing but grief and being right boastful so and so!

my mum and dad weren't to keen on it but it was just an old phone of my dads. Tbh, he doesn't do much with it apart from play 'Snakes' and call me with holding his number and make animal noises down the phone.

children get this mental boost of thinking it means their older because all adults have one...

I would be absolutely furious if someone did this with us.

But I would have no hesitation in removing the item and returning it to the sender with thanks and an explanation.

I have no problem in playing "wicked witch of the west" from time to time. My boys know where they stand with me, quite enjoy being able to moan about their strict mum to their friends, and love me loads anyway!

The complication, though, is that it is the ILs of exH.

Did exh know that you did not want him to have a phone? Did the ILs?

I would be frustrated and cross, but sending it back / stopping him using it will cause a huge and unhelpful furore. Your DS could well interpret it as an 'act of war' against his dad's side of the family, which could be v upsetting, in additoipn tothe loss of his phone, or see future openings for 'if Mum says no, I'll ask Grandad'. Since his dad did seem embarrassed would it be at all possible to have a calm conversation with him about how, in future, you all negotiate so that everyone is on one agreed message?

Why are the ILs being unsupportive since your H left (about which I am sorry..but don't know the story)?

Thanks all, I am going to let it go for now, it doesnt work here anyway and he wont be allowed to take it to school, so its not much use. My in laws were once great friends, stayed in our house, came on holiday (we paid) and came to numerous parties at ours until my H left me. After which they have been round for coffee once at my invitation, call only very occasionally and have critised me for talking about what happened with friends, as it reflects badly on H and FIL has said to me 'if he had affairs then I should ask myself why he needed to do this?' WTF!!! After that our relationship has been somewhat strained to say the least! quite honestly I feel very let down by them. I doubt they even thought giving him a phone was a bid deal, as they dont seem to think much at all where I am concerned

do they know that you object to phones? have you told them?