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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be wary of men who ONLY acknowledge my existence when I've got my kids with me....

48 replies

noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:42

I'm not talking strangers but people you would be on nodding acquanintance with. Like the stocker at the supermarket or another caretaker you see at collection time and then in the town.

One guy in particular gives me the creeps up to my eyeballs. I have seen him about on my own and said hello and he just blanks me completely. But then if I'm with one of my kids he is very effusive and comes over and is all chatty and smiles.

Despite all this he gives me the creeps just in general.

So much so that I told ds2 today to never speak to this man unless I was also there.

OP posts:
Tortington · 15/12/2008 17:43

oh fgs

TheFalconInThePearTree · 15/12/2008 17:43

Kids, rather like dogs can be an ice breaker and people generally see you as being more approachable when you're with either.

Original poster
noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:44

so custy no one has ever creeped you out before?

OP posts:
staryeyed · 15/12/2008 17:44

Has it occurred to you that he might be shy and sometimes kids can be good ice breakers.

staryeyed · 15/12/2008 17:45

xposts

loobeylou · 15/12/2008 17:45

no one would DARE creep CUSTY out!!!

lulabellarama · 15/12/2008 17:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:45

people can like children without being child abusers, who are going to try to groom your children and snatch them

more people talk to me when i have the DCs, especially DD, if she is wearing one of her more outré outfits -- i find fairy dress with jeans underneath, green crocs , pink coat and 4 hair bands gets a lot of commetns

children should be wary ish of strangers anyway, but i don;t think singling out one stranger is constructive.

that is how rumours about the local neighvbourhood peado start

Original poster
noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:46

falcon, I have seen this particular person before and smiled and said hello and nothing. Was very approachable.

I think it's one of those things you have to experience. We ran into him today. this is why this has come up. I don't feel comfortable around this man full stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:46

conversely lulu - there ARE child molesters in existence....

OP posts:
Coldtits · 15/12/2008 17:47

There is a man who lives near me who only ever speaks to ds1.

Never ds2, and never me. He doesn't speak to me, even when I am with the kids, he will say hello to ds1.

Ds1 will not ever be visiting this man alone. And I don't care if that's hysterical. I'm not a peedophobe. I've trotted my kids around the swimming pool stark bollocky bare, actually. But this person gives me the jeebies. He looks at my son for far, far too long.

notnowbernard · 15/12/2008 17:47

What did your son say when you told him then?

What did you say to your ds to convey your particular concern?

Original poster
noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:47

I have always told the boys not to talk to strangers but this would be someone he might run into and because he has seen him around might think it was ok.

I haven't said anything to anyone. just warned ds.

OP posts:
MadamAnt · 15/12/2008 17:48

Oh FGS. LOTS of people make a special effort to be smiley and chatty to children. Children are a conversation starter. Maybe he doesn't chat to you because he doesn;t want to be suspected of being a sleaze-bag or whatever.

God I feel so sorry for people who are the object of others' paedo hysteria.

A man creeps you out because he's chatty to your kids. Bloody Hell. What is the world coming to.

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 17:48

Bare in mind, ds1 is 5.

lulabellarama · 15/12/2008 17:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:48

yes, of course there are... but if you are with your chidlren and supervising them etc, then they can;t be harmed . a 'creepy' man saying hello is not going to hurt them

problem is, child abusers very often don;t look weird/odd , are not loners or strange people who look a particualr way

childrne more likely to be harmed by someone they are related to , than a random person

Tortington · 15/12/2008 17:50

i have a 6th sense, but i think the -everyother persons a paedo - approach is rather OTT

as you knew it would be or you wouldnt hav posted

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 17:50

They are more likely to be harmed by an unrelated man in a sexual relationship with their mother, actually, which is why single parents have been given the 'right' to check out a new partner's CR

Original poster
noiamnot · 15/12/2008 17:50

coldtits - yes. it is the way he looks and my boys (and I've seen him the same with other children). It freaks me out.

I told ds not to talk to that man unless he was with me. He asked me why and I said that I didn't know him that well and just because he is friendly and says hello like that doesn't mean he is a friend.

OP posts:
notnowbernard · 15/12/2008 17:51

Fair enough explanation, but are you going to apply it to EVERY stranger you and your dc meet, male or female, young or old, etc etc?

Panta · 15/12/2008 17:52

oh for god's sake. (unabridged version).

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 17:52

That's what she's talking about though Custy. this m,an has given her a niggle.

Look, our school is chock with male teachers, and the afterschool club is run by two (brilliant!) men. Exp hangs round with other fathers, and other non-fathers. Non of them give me that twinge, even when they say hi to the kids and not me. But this bloke does.

Lulumama · 15/12/2008 17:52

i did not know that coldtits

i do stand by the fact that even if there are paedophiles on every street corner, you would be hard rpessed 99 % of the time to identify them

i agree that gut instinct is important, being wary is fine, but there can often be an innocent explanation for a male to talk to a child

loobeylou · 15/12/2008 17:52

sometimes you have to trust your instincts and if it's one person it's not BU, if it were rampant paranoia about everyone in general and "what if"....then that would BU.

i was on a thread yesterday saying that I stopped having Asda deliver because the driver was TOO friendly to my DD. Always remembered her name, called her "my little friend", talked to HER not me, creeped me out. I did not want DD (only2.5 then) confused about who WERE our friends, or thinking that she could talk to this man if she were ever to encounter him outside of home.