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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...if I de-nit my dd bf when she comes to tea....

70 replies

nitnurse · 15/12/2008 10:58

Ok, I probably am, but as she has repeatedly given headlice to my dd, and by default me and now my ds (who is not even 1 yet, thought I'd have a couple of years before I'd be doing his hair). Talking to my dd about it bf mum has apparently tried but the bf just 'won't let her near her hair'.

I understand that she is eight and probably could put up a really good fight and that it can be close to impossible to convince an eight year old to do anything they don't want to, but I'm pretty sure she's let me, she has previously let me comb and brush her hair when we played hairdresser with my dd, I was thinking I could try an extension of that with posh shampoo and the lyclear as a 'conditioning treatment'. Or is this waaay overstepping the mark and I should just keep up with the combing and conditioner every two days.

I feel sorry for the bf, although it is a situation of her own making, I would talk to her mum about it but really don't know her well, playdates are always arranged with the au pair.

I have namechanged as I don't know if bf's mum reads this site!

OP posts:

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 15/12/2008 22:26

Welcome.

Nekabu · 16/12/2008 10:28

I would ask the mum as you simply can't take the risk of sticking something on her child's head, without her permission, that there's a chance she could have an allergy to.

I'd give her a call and say that you notice the pair of them have nits and have dealt with your daughter's (BTW, what does the D in the DD, DS, etc., stand for?) by playing at hairdressers and is it OK with her if you just do the pair of them the next time her child comes round as it makes it more fun for your daughter if her friend is joining in the hairdressing game with her.

kslatts · 16/12/2008 11:05

Please don't put Lyclear on the child's head without asking permission first.

My dd2 has excema on her head and when she had nits I had to ask the doctor's advise before treating them, he gave me something on prescription that wouldn't irritate the excema. He told me not to use Lyclear.

Mamazontopofsanta · 16/12/2008 11:07

play hairdressers, and use the nit comb instead of a normal comb.

it wont be as good a job as if you were using a proper treatment or conditioner but it'll be a start.

that way no one has to know

reban · 16/12/2008 18:07

why dont you phone the mom while the bf is at your house and say you were playing hairdressers with the girls and have noticed the lice. Do you mind if i treat your dd at the same time as mine as i think i could make more of a game out of it?
That way its not so offensive, just offering to help

FrostytheSurfmum · 16/12/2008 18:31

Deste - I too have successfully got rid of nits simply by combing out with conditioner. It's not the conditioner that gets rid of them, it's the combing out and as long as you do it every 2-3 weeks for a good 2-3 weeks then it definitely works.

ladytophamhatt · 16/12/2008 18:37

I think initialling I'd be abit miffed but then I realsed it had saved me a job so I'd soone get over it...

If another mum asked me if she could do one of mine, I;d offer her the whole lot of them.

poinsettydog · 16/12/2008 18:41

Don;t do it without asking the mum. You cheeky mare.

pumpkinsoup · 16/12/2008 19:55

I don't think you are doing any harm by delousing her if you do it tactfully, and by wet-combing method- sounds like she needs it! But surely its a bit pointless unless you keep it up - every 2 or 3 days for the rest of the week is it?

If I were you I would have her round to play, suggest hairdressing, then phone the au-pair/mother to say... (all innocent)

'just quickly, no big deal, the girls have discovered headlice while playing, turns out they both have them, girls are wanting me delouse them together now (and makes sense as they spend so much time together- should prevent them passing back-and-forth etc), and just checking is bf ok with lyclear etc, and you don't mind?'

Then, later when she is collected ask if they agree it would be practical to do the repeat de-lousings together as well to prevent the pass-back-and-forth thing, and as girls were so happy with it. Surely she wouldn't argue!? - I wouldn't!

Just make sure you do it thoroughly or all your hard work will be wasted!

this is making me itch!
good luck

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 17/12/2008 00:33

Nekabu, it means Dear or Darling son/daughter etc.

Personally, I wouldn't be asking the Au pair anything about it unless she's a long term and trusted one. She may be able to soften the blow with talking to the mother though.

MrsMerryHenry · 17/12/2008 00:44

Do you have to have this girl round while she has nits?

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 17/12/2008 08:52

just ask the mum first

Nekabu · 17/12/2008 09:07

Thanks for explaining the 'd', MrsMerryHenry

believer07 · 17/12/2008 09:33

Depends if she was staying the night or not, if it was a sleepover you could do it as part of the bedtime routine. I home-ed so we have only had nits once, but my friends child always had nits, and i mean always. It got to the point that I would wear a bandana with my long hair tied up, DS had really short hair so did not catch them easily.

Some of those nits are made of teflon,

although I found much joy in de-nitting, but that was probably because we only had it once.

eidsvold · 17/12/2008 10:58

MrsGokWan and anyone else

I use this aussie product on dd1's long straight hair as she will not let you near her for very long to wash her hair let alone comb through conditioner. Despite numerous infestations in others in her class - dd1 has never had nits. I put it down to

this

Nekabu · 17/12/2008 12:15

Just realised the name comes above the message, so thank you to TisTheSeasonToBeSolo for explaining the 'd'!

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 17/12/2008 13:51

Tis ok! I've been addressed twice before during this week with the poster calling me someone elses name! lol! yours being the hatrick, hopefully it wont occur again!

christMAScomesbutonceayear · 17/12/2008 14:00

only do it if the mum agrees

Reallytired · 17/12/2008 17:30

There is no way you can do this without permission. However if you tactfully offer as both girls have nits that is different.

Children will often cooperate for other people other than their parents. I once de nitted a little friend of my son's, although the mother was in the house and I had her full permission. The herd effect is really powerful and the little girl (who was three years old at the time) sat nicely for me. It was done as part of our bath time routine.

MrsMerryHenry · 18/12/2008 22:05

Apparently if you use good quality aloe it puts them off partying in your hair.

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