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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...if I de-nit my dd bf when she comes to tea....

70 replies

nitnurse · 15/12/2008 10:58

Ok, I probably am, but as she has repeatedly given headlice to my dd, and by default me and now my ds (who is not even 1 yet, thought I'd have a couple of years before I'd be doing his hair). Talking to my dd about it bf mum has apparently tried but the bf just 'won't let her near her hair'.

I understand that she is eight and probably could put up a really good fight and that it can be close to impossible to convince an eight year old to do anything they don't want to, but I'm pretty sure she's let me, she has previously let me comb and brush her hair when we played hairdresser with my dd, I was thinking I could try an extension of that with posh shampoo and the lyclear as a 'conditioning treatment'. Or is this waaay overstepping the mark and I should just keep up with the combing and conditioner every two days.

I feel sorry for the bf, although it is a situation of her own making, I would talk to her mum about it but really don't know her well, playdates are always arranged with the au pair.

I have namechanged as I don't know if bf's mum reads this site!

OP posts:

kitbit · 15/12/2008 11:25

Have a quiet word with the mum and tell her in a very very nice way that you won't be inviting her dd to play any more unless she gets rid of the lice.

There are nice ways of saying it, obviously.

I would be very wary of doing it yourself, she will be within her rights to be very annoyed!

gonaenodaethat · 15/12/2008 11:25

I would go mad if someone deloused my child. I would however have made sure I'd treated her myself even if it was a struggle.

From your point of view I wouldn't have her round until her mother has sorted it out.

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 15/12/2008 11:26

I think you'd be out of order personally. Talk to the mum first. You definitely should not be using chemicals on someone elses child IMO. What if she has a bad reaction to it? try explaining that to her mother in casualty...

Buy some NitMix daily spray to use on your family, that way the lice will avoid your Dd in the first place.

Pawslikepaddington · 15/12/2008 11:28

I wouldn't let her into my home either . Either the mum can't be bothered to do it, as I can't see an 8 year old refusing to have nits removed, and I can kind of understand why as dd kicks up a huge stink if when I brush her hair in the morning, or something else like that is behind it, but eeew! Why would you not just strap your child down and de-nit the second you knew your child had them though? I would die of embarrassment if dd went around with nits [panics madly as didn't properly check this morning]

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 15/12/2008 11:32

Making my head itch just thinking about them!

NotDoingTheHousework · 15/12/2008 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ispy · 15/12/2008 11:38

Way overstepping boundaries there I would think. I would go mad if someone did that with any of mine. I would be upfront and talk to the mum in a nice way and see if you can advise her on how to get rid.

baublerock · 15/12/2008 11:46

Can you not use a robi comb on them both instead? Still play hairdressers but no chemicals. Even if you de nitted her once though, they'll still come back if not repeated regularly so I think it's a fruitless exersize and you need to speak with the Mum.

seeker · 15/12/2008 11:48

If you put chemicals on my child's head without asking I would go ballistic!

lucykate · 15/12/2008 11:51

i think it's ok to do this, but you must ask the mum first. for all you know, she could be allergic to a chemically based nit shampoo!

if you don't know the mum well enough to even ask first, then you don't know this child well enough either to give yourself permission to do this.

i'd be very p'd off if another mum did this to my dd without asking.

piscesmoon · 15/12/2008 11:58

I would talk to the mum and explain that you will invite her DD when she has got rid of the nits. I don't think you can do anything.

TheOtherMaryPoppinsJingles · 15/12/2008 12:02

bang out of order! extreme I know but technically you could be done for it, did you realise that, it's why teachers etc can't go and look through children's hair themselves.

Just be a grown up and tell the mother to sort her own kid out.

edam · 15/12/2008 12:10

No you wouldn't be 'done for it', how ridiculous. May upset the other mother though as it is implied criticism - which she deserves, the daft mare. Or she might be grateful that you've saved her a job.

I dunno, in your shoes I'd do it. But use the excuse of playing hairdressers.

Merrylegs · 15/12/2008 12:10

Ring the mum up later after her daughter has gone home and say

"I was just putting DD to bed/bath and I noticed she had nits. You might want to check your dd as well. They had a lovely play today. It was lovely to see your dd."

Step away from the hair! Nit Not your job!

christmaseve · 15/12/2008 12:14

We had a similar problem. DD's bf kept giving her nits. When she was round I combed both heads and showed the bf the problem. It was delicate as her dad was bringing her up. I had a word and the problem cleared up.

FrostytheSurfmum · 15/12/2008 12:17

I'm very laid back about lots of things, but I'm afraid I would be absolutely furious if you did this to my dd.

Do you know anything about her medical history? What if she has a reaction to the lotion? Completely overstepping the mark if it's done without her knowledge IMO.

edam · 15/12/2008 12:29

I bet everyone who would be furious is actually the sort of parent who checks their child's hair and deals with nits, though.

Wonder if the lazy arses who can't be bothered would give a toss. Or even notice.

MrsGokWan · 15/12/2008 12:39

By TisTheSeasonToBeSolo on Mon 15-Dec-08 11:26:30
I think you'd be out of order personally. Talk to the mum first. You definitely should not be using chemicals on someone elses child IMO. What if she has a bad reaction to it? try explaining that to her mother in casualty...

Buy some NitMix daily spray to use on your family, that way the lice will avoid your Dd in the first place.

Anyone know where you can get NitMix from? We have had a running battle with nits this term as my middle one started nursery and is always crawling in them, so is my eldest in juniours. It is driving me potty, even brushing out every day doesn't seem to be getting rid of them and I found some in the babys hair over the weekend and they seem to have migrated to me as well

The head at school has asked that if your children have nits please can you keep them at home until they are clear as they are having an epidemic of them at the moment

FrostytheSurfmum · 15/12/2008 12:43

My dsd had really bad nits until she was about 12. At 8 it was a complete battle to get her into the shower, let alone have her hair combed out. She'd go a good couple of weeks at home without a bath as her mum gave up trying to get her to have one.

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 15/12/2008 18:09

MrsGokWan, put a search on google for NitMix. They are in the UK. It seems quite expensive(well, it did for me because I bought 2 bottles of each and their extra fine comb), but IME it is well worth it. No nits here for 18 months. The last lot was caught from my nieces, but their mother's a lazy cow that wont even buy the basics for the girls, so wouldn't be bothered to spend a few quid on them to get rid of their lice. My brother did it for them when I told him(they don't live with him, so he didn't know).

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo · 15/12/2008 18:10

Sorry, should've said it's mail order. They send it through quickly though.

27 · 15/12/2008 18:55

I think this is out of order. You can ask the friends mum if you can do this, but you would be totally in the wrong to do it without permission.

deste · 15/12/2008 19:50

I think I waould turn it around like was suggested and call the mum to say your DD has nits and you thought she should know immediately so that she can treat it ASAP. Also I dont know why anyone thinks using conditioner will get rid of them. Thats why they keep coming back. You are not killing them but I must admit they will smell nice.

kiddiz · 15/12/2008 20:41

deste...I have successfully treated my dcs many times just using conditioner. It takes persistance but preferable to dousing their heads with insecticides imo. And the insecticides don't prevent reinfestation either. The one and only time I used n insecticide it didn't kill them either as lice are resistant to alot of the treatments as the chemist told me when I returned to get alternative treatment. He recommended the conditioner and combing treatment.
I wouldn't treat someone elses child without permission but I would tell the au pair that dd had nits and suggest they treat the bf. If she then says oh she's a nightmare with her hair you could then offer to have a go for them if they liked.

MrsGokWan · 15/12/2008 21:42

TisTheSeasonToBeSolo thanks for the info, will go and have a google now

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