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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by my friend's behaviour

33 replies

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 21:07

Her baby was christened this weekend and I wasn't invited.

Yeah yeah I understand about numbers etc, but she (& family) has been to 3 out of 4 of our dcs christenings and is even godmother to one of ours

She didn't even mention it, her dh let slip on the phone this evening and when I spoke to my friend afterwards it wasn't mentioned.

So, mumsnet jury are you going to shout me down in flames and tell me that I am making mountains out of molehills or should she have explained to me pre-christening, that, yes she was getting dear Bertha (not the real name btw) christened but there wasn't enough room for me (+ 5) at the celebrations? I could and would have understood that btw

OP posts:

Ronaldinhio · 14/12/2008 21:09

Christenings, meh

LynetteScavo · 14/12/2008 21:10

YANBU if she is the Godmother to one of your DC's.

Why didn't she come to one of your DCs' Christenings.

Lulumama · 14/12/2008 21:10

oh dear, you are not being unreasonable.
would have been polite to mention to you about the christening and the lack of invitation before the event, if you are close enough for you to have her as godmother to one of your children.

are you going to say anything?

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 14/12/2008 21:11

It depends, did they have a quite family gathering or a big celebration?

They may not have wanted to make a fuss

jollyoldstnickschick · 14/12/2008 21:12

YANBU

HassledElf · 14/12/2008 21:13

YANBU. I would certainly have been a tad miffed. Maybe she was just embarrassed and awkward about saying there was no space etc? Still rubbish, though.

Original poster

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 21:14

She didn't come to number one's because she didn't want to!!

I don't know what to say to be honest, am sat here in tears - so ridiculous for a middle aged mum of 4 to be doing but I am so hurt by this.

OP posts:

HassledElf · 14/12/2008 21:15

If you are this upset, ring her and tell her. Just ask why. Better to know than brood on it.

LittlePeanut · 14/12/2008 21:15

I'd be upset if I were you. You'll need to raise it with her and get to the bottom of it, or it will fester! Must be a numbers thing, and she was maybe just too embarrassed to confront it.

DoubleBluff · 14/12/2008 21:15

maybe it was family only?
Dont undersstand the big fuss about christenings to be honest

Original poster

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 21:15

Vinegartits I have no idea how many guests there were but all she had to do was say we are having christening but......... But she didn't I think she hoped to get away with never mentioning it

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DoubleBluff · 14/12/2008 21:19

maybe she didntwant to upset you by not inviting you

clam · 14/12/2008 21:21

YANBU. I'd be upset, too, however much I tried to pretend it didn't matter.

VinegarTitsTheSeasonToBeJolly · 14/12/2008 21:22

But some people dont see christenings as a big celebration, maybe she just didnt think it was worth mentioning.

I suggest you ask her, instead of coming to your own conclusions and getting yourself upset over something that might be nothing

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 14/12/2008 21:24

I agree with the previous posters. Ask her why you weren't invited, but maybe wait a few days so the hurt isn't quite so raw in your mind.

thisisyesterday · 14/12/2008 21:26

you aren't being unreasonable. she should have told you about it.

how upsetting

ELMOchristmascountdown · 14/12/2008 21:26

just ask her. yanbu. why didn't she mention it if it was only a family only thing or numbers thing?? seems odd to me?

themoon66 · 14/12/2008 21:29

YANBU at all if she went to yours. Ring her and ask why. She is well out of order.

Original poster

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 21:29

She has been to 3 of our christenings, she has celebrated with us at them, she knows what I feel about them.

I understand that other people don't celebrate in the same way.

I have known her for over 20 years, she knows me, I know her. She avoided telling me because for whatever reason she did not want me and my family there. Fine, so phone before hand and say "hello BB Bertha is being christened and we are doing small intimate event, sorry no room for you" End of! Don't hope you won't get found out - you always do

I know that I would not behave in such a way to my friends and find it very difficult to comprehend that people can do it to me.

I think I have had one too many glasses of wine this evening,

It is a shame that everyone is not as perfect as me

Sadly though I cannot continue a friendship that is not based on truth and trust

OP posts:

Original poster

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 21:31

And yes you are all right, I will wait a few days and contact her to ask her, certainly not now - it would end in more tears

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ELMOchristmascountdown · 14/12/2008 21:33

emmmm - are you not over reacting a bit with the falling out with her and not continuing your friendship when you dont know why she never invited?

you would throw 20 years friendship ?

either
a)there's more to this than your letting on

b)your highly strung and she was afraid to tell you incase you went off on a tangent for not being invited and she couldn't be doing with that hassle at this present moment in time?

perhaps she's struggling from pnd (i'm assuming lo is young baby)

or has other problems?

ilovelovemydog · 14/12/2008 21:38

Incredible that she thought that you wouldn't find out . When would she have told you?

Could it be something silly like she promised someone else to be godmother and didn't want to hurt your feelings? Crap excuse, I know, but am clutching at straws here as to why a friend wouldn't tell you.

Am sure the decision made sense to her at the time, so perhaps you ask her how she justified her decision...

But poor you. Wallow for a bit, and then get mad!

Smithagain · 14/12/2008 21:38

Probably just family only. I was a bit taken aback when a close friend didn't invite us to her daughter's christening, despite chatting through all the plans with me. I'm certain she just saw it as a family thing, because she's normally very generous with hospitality.

I'm just glad I didn't put my foot in it by making it obvious I assumed we'd be invited, cos then she'd have been embarrassed.

susia · 14/12/2008 22:27

I suppose an extra 6 would be quite a lot though and that's why. I had my son christened in April (he's 5) and had over 40 people in the house (about 15 of these were 5 year old boys!), plus two friends with children stayed the night before and one friend with stayed with her son for 3 nights afterwards. It was exhausting and I regretted inviting the numbers I did.

The house was trashed by the 15 boys and because I had friends staying afterward it was difficult to clear up properly.

I'm sure your friend would have invited you if there was just you or just you and a partner and one child but an extra 6 makes a big difference if she's doing the catering at home.

Original poster

ButterflyBessie · 14/12/2008 22:46

They live in a tiny flat in the city centre, it won't have been held there.

I don't mind not being invited, I do mind the subterfuge that goes with it - the truth is so much better,eg: "sorry BB you can't come because we don't have room for you."

To just ignore the fact that Bertha's christening was today and that her dh had just told me is not kind - obviously imho

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