to be upset by my friend's behaviour

[ButterflyBessie]

Her baby was christened this weekend and I wasn't invited.

Yeah yeah I understand about numbers etc, but she (& family) has been to 3 out of 4 of our dcs christenings and is even godmother to one of ours

She didn't even mention it, her dh let slip on the phone this evening and when I spoke to my friend afterwards it wasn't mentioned.

So, mumsnet jury are you going to shout me down in flames and tell me that I am making mountains out of molehills or should she have explained to me pre-christening, that, yes she was getting dear Bertha (not the real name btw) christened but there wasn't enough room for me (+ 5) at the celebrations? I could and would have understood that btw

I do understand the way you feel. One of my son's godparents got married a few weeks after my son's christening. As she had been married before, she did it really low key with just her dad, brothers and her husband's parents there. But she never
mentioned it until about 3 months later!

Also she had her daughter christened a few months later, and although she invited us she said it in the kind of way like 'I know you probably won't be able to make as we have a house full so can't put you up but you're welcome to come if you want...' rather than a proper invite.

If your friend actually had a venue rather than in her house, I'd be really pissed off. It still is probably though to do with you being 6 and that makes a big difference to the catering etc. There was a family of 6 who came to my son's christening and although I am very close to her that made it even more chaotic..!

Its a difficult call... we only invited people 'critical' to the christening - ie grandparents, godparents, dh and I and ds... so even good friends (apart from those being godparents) didn't get invited...

i understand you feeling sad but i dont think its worth it

one of my oldest mates had her dughter christened 18 months ago and we werent invited and i didnt mind - it was a fairly small occasion, they didnt mention it before, they were pretty tired and broke, and there was no way it would be all the same crowd who were at the wedding.

its not a big deal and i reckon in some ways it should only be the people who attend that church regularly and they key parents and godparents. There may not even be a do afterwards - just tea at the church. It probably wasnt as big a deal as the ones you held

YANBU- this happened to me!! My friend of 25 yrs, who was my bridesmaid and is godmoter to my eldest daughter, neglected to tell me she was having her ds2 christened until after the event. She casually mentioned the christening having been the week before, and then said something about "keeping it small, family only" (although we were all invited to her ds1's christening and it was a fairly big affair) I wouldn't be surprised if there were other "friends" in attendance, who are more influential than DH and I. We were having our ds christened a few weeks later, and I did debate whether or not to invite her- in the end I did: life is too short, and I refuse to become a mean and petty-minded person.

I wouldn't fall out with her over it- she may have had her reasons (although, as you say she could have shared them with you before the event), but bear it in mind. I learned that I am not as important in my friend's life as I thought I was. Which hurts a little, but hey-ho- I have other friends, and it is her loss if she is more concerned about schmoozing "contacts" rather than sharing important events in her life with old and real friends. By all means re-evaluate the friendship a little, but I really wouldn't ask her about it, or appear to be upset, as it will quite possibly end badly.

Butterflybessie: I understand how you feel a similar situation happened to me a few years ago a friend didn't invite me to her wedding but invited other friends who were more of casual friends.
To me it was a big red flag that I didn't mean as much to her as she did to me. She also just casually dropped it into the conversation a few months before. I was shocked and hurt but managed to hide it and just keep smiling.
We are still friends but not as close as before, and I didn't invite her to my recent wedding. We had family only wedding but had I been invited to her's and our relationship was still close I would have invited her because I considered us to be close like family.

Her reason for not inviting me: Her MIL who was paying and organizing her wedding did the guest list and she had never met me so didn't put me on. She was allowed to invite a few guests so felt I would understand the most as me was so close. I didn't, my feelings and wanting me there during her special day should have meant more than trying to impress some barely known work colleagues and neighbors over someone she had been friends with for a decade then she was the friend I thought she was.

I think you are getting yourself absolutely hysterical about this. I am astonished by your reaction, and I'm sure your friend would be too.
I am godmother to my friend's middle daughter, but wasn't invited to the christening of their third child or even told about it - and it never crossed my mind for single second (until now) to even consider that I should have been invited, and I don't feel miffed or lied to or anything.
You are assuming that she deliberately snubbed you, that it was a decision made with malice and that it is all about you. I would lay money than none of this is true. And you certainly don't know the circumstances yet you are behaving as if you do. It is quite possible that the Christening just happened to be performed as part of a normal church service, and there was no celebration to be invited to. As I say, you don't know.

And why didn't you mention it when you knew about it from her husband? Surely if 'truth' is so important to you this was the time to say 'HOw did the Christening go today?'

I understand that you are upset, but it probably was just a case of numbers and it's pretty difficult, even if it's true, to say to someone "you can't come because there are too many of you". We invited people round recently for a barbie and swim for DS2s birthday (we're in Oz). DS2 really wanted to ask a particular boy whose family we are pretty friendly with - they've been round for his birthday before - but when I counted the numbers there was no way I could have another 6 people and I had already invited the others. I certainly wasn't going to phone my friend to tell her about a party that she wasn't invited to.