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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To worry about DS's new friends?

59 replies

VickyToria · 13/12/2008 18:02

My DS is at private school and always has been since he was 5. I suppose he lives quite a sheltered life, he has never been allowed to play outside or go anywhere on his own but we have tried to give him worldly experiences by taking him abroad, he's helped with some charity work both here and abroad and we never thought it would be a problem.

Anyway DH suggested that he join a local scouts group to help him broaden his social circles and give him some independance away from us. I agreed.

He loved it and has been going for around 6 months. However, I am starting to worry about the new friends he has made. He is the only child there from private school, the rest are from state schools and don't tend to value education at all. Some have called DS a swot because he reads a lot. They use bad language which DS has copied and slipped up with once or twice, they phone him and ask him if he's "larking out" which basically means hanging around the streets on a night and I know a couple of them smoke.

I'm starting to think this is the kind of experience DS could have done without. But I don't want to be a snob, however I refuse to allow my DS to pick up this kind of behaviour just to 'fit in'.

DH agrees with me. Are we both being unreasonable?

OP posts:
roundcornvirgin · 13/12/2008 18:04

you are being a snob

TheFalconInThePearTree · 13/12/2008 18:04

How old is your ds?

VickyToria · 13/12/2008 18:04

Sorry, the question is are we being unreasonable to pull him out of scouts?

OP posts:
VickyToria · 13/12/2008 18:05

he's almost 13

OP posts:
TheFalconInThePearTree · 13/12/2008 18:06

And he has never been allowed to play outside?

Please take a few layers of that cotton wool of before the poor child suffocates.

TheFalconInThePearTree · 13/12/2008 18:06

That should be off.

Coldtits · 13/12/2008 18:08

Troll

roundcornvirgin · 13/12/2008 18:09

snobby troll

WorzselMincepieYummage · 13/12/2008 18:09

Let him keep gowing, he might grow up normal.

WorzselMincepieYummage · 13/12/2008 18:09

GOING

sunnygirl1412 · 13/12/2008 18:10

There comes a point where you have to let go of your children, and allow them to make decisions for themselves - decisions like who to spend time with, whether to smoke etc etc. You have to trust your child to make sensible decisions and trust to the fact that you have taught him your values over the years - however, he may well make some wrong decisions, but he has to be allowed to do this.

Ohh - and for what it's worth, my three ds's all attend state schools and are, in my opinion at least, thoroughly nice people to know!!

27 · 13/12/2008 18:10

I think you would be unreasonable to pull him out of scouts. He sounds like he is living a very sheltered life, and I dont think that would be to his benefit in the long term.

Fillyjonk · 13/12/2008 18:10

So he is 13, and this is his first experience of common folk, aside from some helping of the unfortunate abroad?

I think he is doing splendidly to be fitting in so well. He is being invited out, that is a bit of an achievement if he is from a private school.

Seriously though, he has never been anywhere on his own? At 13? Wow.

CharCharGaboriaInExcelsisDeo · 13/12/2008 18:10

yabu, teenagers need independence. I do think you're a troll though.

DisasterArea · 13/12/2008 18:11

what do his 'private' school friends do? do they not lark about? do they not call each other names? will none of them have an illicit ciggie at some point? this is scouts. not out clubbing and snorting coke till dawn.

Mamazontopofsanta · 13/12/2008 18:11

your a snob and your poor child is suffering because of it.

he is very precious to you of course, but sooner or later you will have to untie those apron strings and allow him a life free from your supervision. when that happens the chances are he will find it very difficult to mix with children his own age as he simply will not find anything in common with them.

i can assure you that a scout hut is not the sort of place you will find drug dealers and gang bangers.

he is fine. stop panicing and let him grow up.

VickyToria · 13/12/2008 18:12

I'm not a troll

No he's never been allowed to play outside in the street. Obviously he plays in the garden, the park, the beach. I don't mean he's literally not allowed out of the house.

I have nothing against state schools but I don't want my son being drawn to that kind of behaviour.

OP posts:
DisasterArea · 13/12/2008 18:13

perhaps he could do some volunteer work at your local corphanage instead. as long as he doesn't actually talk to any of the inmates of course, he wouldn't want to catch anything from them after all.

Fillyjonk · 13/12/2008 18:13

And let us not forget, these yobs are actually going to scouts AGED 13!

I mean...god I would have been nowhere near guides or scouts or anything like that aged 13.

Fillyjonk · 13/12/2008 18:14

" I have nothing against state schools but I don't want my son being drawn to that kind of behaviour"

trolldar says "beep"

TheFalconInThePearTree · 13/12/2008 18:14

You'll find that type of behaviour in private schools too as anyone who watched the series on Glenalmond will know.

VickyToria · 13/12/2008 18:15

The other kids at his school do normal teenage things of course. Sometimes they (DS included) meet up and go to the cinema or ice skating or bowling. Alot of them (like DS) have out of school activities on an evening. NONE are left to wander the streets. I just don't agree with it.

OP posts:
Lilybeto · 13/12/2008 18:15

When will he be allowed to mix with people that you do not agree with? I understand that you do not want him to smoke, swear etc, but you need to teach him how to make decisions and to know what is right and wrong.

27 · 13/12/2008 18:16

at replying to this thread, now that I realise how troll-like the OP and subsequent reply is.

Fillyjonk · 13/12/2008 18:17

He is THIRTEEN!

Do you HONESTLY think that this is the first time he has encountered swearing, smoking etc?

God he is probably teaching it all to those sheltered kids who are still wearing shorts and woggles aged 13

am rofl at this thread, who are you really?