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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that it's fine for a grandma to sleep in the same bed as her 8yr old grandson?

51 replies

FourArms · 13/12/2008 13:50

Background to story: my MIL's friend happened to mention on the phone to her MIL that she had to go as her grandson wouldn't go to bed without her. MIL questioned whether she actually slept in the bed with the grandson, she said yes. MIL was outraged and rung up the boys mother to 'inform' her (she knew already and isn't at all bothered), and has informed SS. Apparently SS will be investigating. Mother of the boy rang her aunt who is a social worker to ask if it was a problem and she said yes, it would not be considered right for somebody to do that, and in fact, she wouldn't even let her 3 yr old sleep in her bed (her own daughter!!!). This boy stays with his grandma once a week as childcare whilst the mother works.

Am I completely out of touch, or is this PC or whatever gone mad???

OP posts:

compo · 13/12/2008 13:52

yanbu

llareggub · 13/12/2008 13:52

Hopefully PC gone mad. My mother often sleeps with her grandchildren, and my 2 year old sleeps with us when we stay with friends. Sounds like an over-reaction to me.

dontwanttobejumpedon · 13/12/2008 13:54

she called the SS? what a dreadful, intefering thing to do. Not much of a friend.

LurkerOfTheUniverse · 13/12/2008 13:55

bonkers

roundcornvirgin · 13/12/2008 13:56

The social worker wouldn't let her own daughter share her bed? That's ridiculous.
Your MIL sounds like a bitch.

TheButterflyEffect · 13/12/2008 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dontwanttobejumpedon · 13/12/2008 13:57

the SW wouldn't let her own 3year old share her bed? That is seriously dysfunctional and worrying.

themulledmanneredjanitor · 13/12/2008 13:57

god-my 5 year old sleeps in our bed almost every night and when dh works away i usually end up with my eight year old and my 5 year old in my bed.
what a load of crap.

piscesmoon · 13/12/2008 14:00

I would hope that SS would think her bonkers!

MmeJaffaB · 13/12/2008 14:01

My parents live with us. My dc's, ds(6), dd1(3)& dd2(18mths) climb into bed most mornings for a cuddle with Nanny & Grandad. It is not strange it is a loving, caring family unit with the Grandparents having an amazing relationship with their grandchildren as it should be IMO.

PC has gone insane, it's such a shame.

roundcornvirgin · 13/12/2008 14:02

Very, very occasionally my 10 year old climbs in with us if he wakes in the night. DH usually carries him back when he's asleep as he's so big he takes up too much room! But he still feels the need now and again. How awful for that 3 year old girl to be banished from her own mum's bed.

WalterStromquist · 13/12/2008 14:03

I think that I would tell MIL that, in the light of her treatment of her 'friend', that you are going to have to seriously reconsider the relationship between you & your DC and MIL and restrict access.

squeaver · 13/12/2008 14:04

Your MIl is a loon, if you don't mind me saying. I mean, phoning SS!! Doesn't she think they've got better things to do?

The social worker seems a bit odd to say the least.

My Mum used to sleep with my niece when she stayed until a couple of years ago (she's now 10). And still sleeps with my nephew who's 4.

Quattrocento · 13/12/2008 14:05

My DCs (8&10) regularly sleep with us. They also regularly sleep with their granny when they stay with her. How horrible of your MIL.

OrmIrian · 13/12/2008 14:14

That's horrible. Why would your MIL do that?

tootyflooty · 13/12/2008 14:15

definatly pc gone mad, my 10 ds and dd, often climb in for cuddles on a sunday morning with me and dh, my 17 ds had flu and was happy for me to lie with him outside the covers! on his double bed, while I mopped his brow. if my dn comes to sleep over (she is 3 she also comes in for a cuddle, it's a crazy world when something so natural is made to look bad. if everyone is happy and comfortable with it , it isn't any one elses business.

laweaselmys · 13/12/2008 14:17

I would imagine the SW won't do it to protect herself from allegations (when you know about all of the potential causes for investigation you do naturally try and protect yourself) - and SS will investigate but probably not do anything because although it would be very rare for anything to be going on, it is a possibility. (Part of abuse being normalised in the household situation iyswim?)

Habbibu · 13/12/2008 14:18

How is it even PC? This isn't political correctness at all - it's paranoia, at an institutional level, if SS don't dismiss it out of hand. I guess they have to make initial enquiries, just to satisfy themselves that it is a load of old cobblers, but beyond that it's bizarre, and really sad.

tinselroundtherock · 13/12/2008 14:18

My aunt was did the same when her grandson was younger. I thought he was a bit old, but it was just something they had always done since he was little. He's outgrown it now and there was nothing but comfort and warmth about it. It's sad when suspicion is read into everything.

laweaselmys · 13/12/2008 14:22

I honestly don't think it's crazy for SS to investigate - yes 99% of people whose kids sleep in the same bed with them it is perfectly fine and normal. But there will be a tiny percentage for whom the adult in the bed is using it as a cover so it doesn't seem suspicious when they abuse the child at night (ie, nobody's going to see them going into the DC's room and emerging later) and IMO - this is SS's job, to protect those tiny percentage of children who are being abused, even if it means investigating people who turn out to be innocent.

Original poster

FourArms · 13/12/2008 14:23

Haven't read all the thread yet, but glad to see that most people think that this is fine.

This is not my MIL. It is my MIL's friend that sleeps with her grandson, and her MIL that has reported her to SS. Sorry for the confusion. My MIL spent last night with my DS1 in her bed and thinks that this is all mad!

OP posts:

LynetteScavo · 13/12/2008 14:27

Yanbu - how sad that a SS would think this is unacceptable.

I think co-slpeeping is somehting other parents often don't want to openly admit to, but I reckon it goes on a LOT.

DD who is three will come and sleep in bed with me and DH, or I will go and sleep in her bed with her.

We somtimes find DS wo is 5 in our bed in the morning, and sometimes DD insists she will only go to sleep if DS1 who is 9 sleeps with her. (What on earth would the social worker think of that! ) I'm not sure DS1 will oblige for much longer though.

LynetteScavo · 13/12/2008 14:29

So maybe I should phone SS and ask them to investigate me, so we are all clear that nothing is "going on".

pigleto · 13/12/2008 14:33

When my parents stay with us they are usually joined at some ungodly hour in the morning by my dcs. My dcs absolutely love being in bed with their grandparents and having a cuddle and a story.

I bet the MIL in the OP would have a fit at some of the things we see as normal in our house.

tinseltwiddler · 13/12/2008 14:35

What a shame...yanbu at all.
Just remembering - didn't SWSNBN sleep in bed with her mother until she was 13?

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