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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it's fine for a grandma to sleep in the same bed as her 8yr old grandson?

51 replies

FourArms · 13/12/2008 13:50

Background to story: my MIL's friend happened to mention on the phone to her MIL that she had to go as her grandson wouldn't go to bed without her. MIL questioned whether she actually slept in the bed with the grandson, she said yes. MIL was outraged and rung up the boys mother to 'inform' her (she knew already and isn't at all bothered), and has informed SS. Apparently SS will be investigating. Mother of the boy rang her aunt who is a social worker to ask if it was a problem and she said yes, it would not be considered right for somebody to do that, and in fact, she wouldn't even let her 3 yr old sleep in her bed (her own daughter!!!). This boy stays with his grandma once a week as childcare whilst the mother works.

Am I completely out of touch, or is this PC or whatever gone mad???

OP posts:
ChristmasFairySantAsSLut · 13/12/2008 14:40

that is terrible that your MIL got SS involved....fgs...when I stayed over at my nans house as a Kid it was quite normal for me to sleep in her bed (and my grandads bed when he was still around)....and the last time I spend a big holiday there I must have been about 14...there is notjing unatural about that, surely...and it shouldn't make a difference because of gender...very very sad....even sadder that that SW seems to agree with that....

Sidge · 13/12/2008 14:49

I am going to go against the grain here and say that I don't think it's entirely appropriate for an 8 year old to sleep in his grandmother's bed.

Not that I imagine there's anything sexual in it necessarily (but it does happen) more that it seems unnecessary to me. At 8 a child should be able to go to bed alone - "won't go to bed without her" sounds a little strange to me. It's totally different to co-sleeping with your own children, or letting them climb in for a cuddle in the morning.

I think calling SS was rather OTT (and refusing a 3 year old into her mum's bed is bonkers) but it still seems strange to me.

How many people would be concerned if it was an 8 year old girl sleeping in her grandfather's bed? More I expect.

random · 13/12/2008 14:52

I often wake up to find a dgs in bed with me when they sleep over ..they are 3 and 6 ..just seems normal to me

juneybean · 13/12/2008 14:57

I'm 23 and still have to sleep with my nanny when she comes up!!! The joys of having a double bed!

This is absolutely stupid though, why couldn't she keep her beak out?!!?

Lotster · 13/12/2008 15:00

Christ. What a horrid thing to do. YANBU.

Bet your MIL reads the Daily Mail and believes a drug sniffing "hoodie" is lurking in every bush...

VivaLaPotPourri · 13/12/2008 15:11

My DS sleeps in my mums bed when he goes - he is 2.8. Silly to be reported but I guess SS have to investigate... YANBU.

onager · 13/12/2008 15:35

This kind of madness is why when someone says "I reported my friend/neighbour to the SS. I did it for their own good" I feel like shooting them "for everyone elses good"

sleepyeyes · 13/12/2008 16:42

Shocking. As a nanny I occasionally allowed kids to sleep in my bed if I was working proxy parent hours. Always with parents permission.

Sadly I have heard about ridiculously PC situations like this before, when my uncle was talking with his lawyer about is contact with his toddler son and talking about taking his EX girlfriend to court he was giving guide lines on how to behave with his own son in order to avoid allegations by ex in order to make him look like an abusive parent.
Number one was do not allow your son to sleep in the same bed as you on over night visits.
Others were try to avoid bathing his son alone.
His son was 2 years old!

sleepyeyes · 13/12/2008 16:44

Second line is should have said his.

LittleJingleBellas · 13/12/2008 16:44

I would report the social worker for not letting her 3 year old sleep with her.

IotasCat · 13/12/2008 16:49

My 7 yr old ds would hate to sleep In the same bed as his grandmother she takes her teeth out and snores

LittleJingleBellas · 13/12/2008 16:51

ROFL

My DC's wouldn't mind. She snores though.

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 13/12/2008 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dontwanttobejumpedon · 13/12/2008 17:05

[it's not her MIL]

mumeeee · 13/12/2008 17:12

YANBU, That is a horible thing for your MIL to do.

Jux · 13/12/2008 17:30

DD sleeps with MIL when she stays there. MIL always says "she won't go to bed without me" and it's bollocks. The truth is that MIL likes it and likes to think that dd needs her a lot more than is really the case. DD is quite happy to sleep with MIL as she knows it makes her happy and feel needed.

roundcornvirgin · 13/12/2008 17:35

It's not the op's MIL - it's MIL's friend's MIL.

ChristmasFairySantAsSLut · 13/12/2008 20:13

virgin...point is whos ever mil has their own grandkid sleeping in with them...and unless there was history of abuse or signs of abuse now, calling s on them is ridiculous....fgs...mil's are only people...and who knows that mil may only have boys herself and seizes the opprtunity...because....it is much more difficult to get good rapport if you mil by son..or so it seems

mrsleroyjethrogibbs · 13/12/2008 20:17

i have not heard anything so ridiculus in such a long time.

the word Fruitloop comes to mind

cuckoo cuckoo cuckoo

OrmIrian · 13/12/2008 22:05

My 11yr old son has just spent the last 30 mins cuddled up with me whilst I read 'why the whales came' to him. He will go to sleep in my bed and if DH is feeling energetic he will move him back to his bed later. Otherwise he'll stay in bed with us all night. SOmeone call SS

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 13/12/2008 22:14

There is no way SS will investigate this with any thoroughness. Maybe a phone call to chat.

I loved sleeping with my Granny, still comforts me to think of her, her snoring, her squishy cuddles. She's died obviously or I'd still be sleeping with her now

Zebraa · 13/12/2008 22:15

Get a grip! She is his Grandmother!

Maybe I'm hormonal, but I think this entire thread is hideous.

StayFrostyTheSnowMam · 13/12/2008 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FourArms · 14/12/2008 08:33

Thanks everyone - you've restored my faith in normality! Don't worry anyone that slated my MIL - the original post was a bit confusing.

I'll update if SS actually take any action. To date my MIL's friend and her daughter have stopped all contact with the MIL who reported to SS. The MIL in question is the one who will lose out as her son has died, so she has effectively cut off all contact with her DIL, grand-daughter (mother of boy in question) and great-grandson.

OP posts:
fondant4000 · 14/12/2008 09:27

It's insane - and like you say, she's the one who will lose out. Feel v. sorry for the grandma tho' she'll probably never feel the same about it.

I was furious when a friend of mine reported her ex-dh for sharing a bed with their dd - she'd got in during the night because she'd had a nightmare. It ws during their divorce, and I guess she just felt it was useful material, I don't believe she really thought it was wrong. Her x-dh was devastated

Maybe this MIL feels jealous of her dil's mother and is hitting back?

BTW I attribute my love of classical music to sharing a bed with my grandma. She used to play Radio 3 until I fell asleep .

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