To find 'I am sure someone will take you on one day' a tactless comment....

[tessofthedurbervilles]

When I announce my pregnancy as a single mum I get variations of the above comment like I am some burden that someone will take pity on eventually?!

Though I appreciate people are being kind....but still!

Well, it is very tactless, you're right.

The assumption is that it's easier to bring up children as a couple. I don't necesarily subscribe to that view mind!

But I'm certain there are many many single parents out there who make brilliant homes for their children just as there are many couples who make crap homes.

You could respond with, "Oooh, no. I'm all my children need. Thank you for your concern though. Good day."

Well, no, YANBU...

THough I have to say, I think the etiquette is a little grey in this area.

A friend of mine recently announced a pregnancy and there is no sign of a man... I am SOOO desperate to ask what the story is - One night stand, sperm donor, considered decision with a friend...

She is quite a good friend, but her announcement is worded in such a way that I feel enquires of my nature (gossip ) would not be welcomed.

I can forward you her announcment if you want - believe me, it makes it clear that questions would not be received well

Congratulations BTW...

Everyone knows its not through choice, I am gutted, which is why I am prolly sensitive to reactions....

What a rude thing to say.

yanbu - how tactless. why do so many people when they are stuck for something to say, say something utterly insensitive? FWIW, I had a single parent and loved the fact it was me and her against the world.

I suppose the response may be - well even you did so there is hope for me yet.....

This doesn't end. I am always being told this!

I usually reply "will I ever have a well-paid job?" "will I ever own my own home?"

It is annoying to think that people assume that hte biggest gap in my life is a man. If I could have a man or a house I'd choose a house! hell, I'd choose a car!

Oh, Tess, I am sorry you are gutted.

Yes, it's extremely rude if people know the situation.

I hope that you and LO are OK...

Can you not have a witty reply ready for the next time, I dunno something like this

Them - I am sure someone will take you on one day

You - yes I except they will, afterall someone took you on didn't they?

or - yes, I believe Peter Sutcliffe is due for parole any day now

"yes I except they will, afterall someone took you on didn't they?" - this is AWESOME, use it or alternatively you could just say "fuck off you twat, how rude". Depends if you like em or not I guess

YABU, btw.

what ivy and dingdong said - brilliant

how fecking rude, i am so for you

who could possibly be insensitive enough to say that???

you could also stare them down and say "i don't consider myself or the baby as a burden needing to be taken on by anyone, thank you very little!" - would take some balls to say but deffo get the point across that they're being fuckwits bloody rude

mindalina didn't you mean YANBU?

I;d stick to: Yes, I am quite sure that many men would want to take us on, the question is; would I want to take THEM on.

see, there you are!!

absolutely agree with you

"take you on" indeed, WTF, you're not a mail-order bride with ten children under ten and fifty poor relatives!!

grrr

My ex p after a wobble told me drunk one night that he was prepared to take on my sons and I. I swiftly told him - as he staggered up the road in a drunken haze that HE was the liabiity and we would be taking him on!

To be fair to the bloke though when he was advised in the pub when we split that he only had one child to think about he replied that he was a father of three.

This has always annoyed me (though non one has said it since I was PG) - the implication that a woman without a partner is desperate. I got v cross with a fuckbuddy of mine for saying 'I can't believe no one has snapped you up...' I poointed out that I was not 'on offer' thanks and single (and still am) through choice.
it ony takes about 5 minutes reading the Relationships section on here to remember how lucky one is to be single

Sounds like something my old gran would say .
It wasn't an oldish person was it.

It's not so much tactless as extraordinarily sexist and presumptious. The very idea that one is a burden to be "taken on" FGS, what kind of idea about women do people who have that notion entertain? Beggars belief that people still think and talk like that.

People still tell me how lucky I am that dh took me and dd1 on.

I, on the other hand, feel that HE was the lucky one I'm an intelligent, and not completely unattractive woman and my dd1 is a little sweetheart who could charm the birds from the trees (should she feel in the mood!) But society will always see single parents as something to pity or feel cross about, depending on which Daily Mail article you are reading.

Perhaps one day you will meet somebody you choose to begin a relationship with, and that is great. But it shouldn't be seen as a prize to covert.

Yes, people rarely say about a single man that he's lucky to find a woman who would 'take him one' (though I did say something along those lines when I heard that a particularly vile male acquaintance was getting married ie 'WHo the fuck would have him?')

Though TBabsolutelyH I can sort of see that some people might hesitate a little about taking on a potential stepchild if they have no DC themselves because it's a hell of a step - but this applies to both male and female new partners/lone parents. IN my pre-parenthood days I would not have wanted to get deeply involved with a lone parent cos I didn't like kids much.

I agree sticksantaupyourchimney. I don't think I would even contemplate a relationship with a man who didn't have a broken relationship and children though. I just wouldn't believe he could understand. You have to put your children first. I can't imagine somebody with no children fully gets that, not without feeling offended and pouty!

But maybe, as a lone parent, I htink that having children will deter the timewasters, sort of hopefully tell the wheat from the chaff. Sometimes it can take years to figure out a man is immature and selfish!