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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking this is aimed at me and very childish

43 replies

Marne · 11/12/2008 13:21

Dd has had alot of trouble at school involving a certain child, she has been pushed, hit, picked on and shut in a cupboard. Being the kind person i am i made friends with the mother of this child and dd1 went over to play etc..

Most of the parents at the school try and keep their distance from this child as she has been violent to alot of the children but i have put myself out and stuck up for them when other parents have moaned about her to me.

A few days ago one of the mums started talking to me about the little girl, i stuck up for her and said how well she had been doing as she is the youngest in the class and almost 10 months younger than my dd, i said she was a sweet little thing etc.. etc.. even though my dd is scaired of her.

Any way the mother posted a comment on facebook (you know that bit on your profile were you can write what you are thinking etc..), first she wrote 'i wish the mothers at school would stop talking about my child' (fair enough) and then 'can't believe how sad the mums at school are.newsflash:its a naughty board not a life sentence!!!'.

I am the only mother from the school on her face book so i take it that its aimed at me.

I admit to talking about her dd but i was sticking up for her not slagging her off, i couldn't care less if her dd's name is on the naughty board as long as its not for hitting my dd IYKWIM.

Am i being over sensitive? I think i will just stay out of her way and give up trying to be friends with her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Marne · 11/12/2008 13:22

Sorry for the rant.

OP posts:

loobeylou · 11/12/2008 13:24

I think she was having a general moan like people on here would, not aimed at you

mumblechum · 11/12/2008 13:24

Example of why Facebook is a Very Bad Thing number 7394020878647

MatNanPlusTINSEL · 11/12/2008 13:25

The mother sounds like she has ishoos so i would make some distance between you and them, especially if your DD isn't happy anyway.

TreeTrunkThighs · 11/12/2008 13:25

Perhaps she has forgotten that you are her friend on facebook and it is rant to anyone who is reading and not aimed at you at all. I know when I do my status update thingies I don't think about how it will be perceived by ALL of my friends...

dittany · 11/12/2008 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadreInglese · 11/12/2008 13:25

I wouldn't think that was aimed at you

HuwEdwards · 11/12/2008 13:26

Not aimed at you, I agree. It's admirable that you stick up for this child etc. but not sure I would encourage my DD to play with a child she was frightened of.

Blu · 11/12/2008 13:28

She's sounding off about the other parents!

doggiesayswoof · 11/12/2008 13:28

Sounds like she's ranting and probably hasn't thought it through, ie not realised that you will be only other mum to read it

I know a lot of people who use their FB status to offload and don't remember that other people can actually see it.

Having said that, it's maybe not worth making a special effort for her any more.

Rookietherednosedreindeer · 11/12/2008 13:29

I am starting to really hate Facebook, seems to be second only to texting in terms of causing breakdowns or relationships and unnecessary bickering between folks.

Agree with others, ignore FB remark but in future I wouldn't say anything when this child is mentioned.

AMIStletoekiss · 11/12/2008 13:29

I wouldn't think it was aimed at you - it's just what she's thinking, and it probably hasn't occurred to her that you would think it was meant to be about you.

But I'm not quite clear why you're praising her child to other parents when her behaviour is clearly a problem. Being sympathetic about her in spite of her behaviour would be fair enough, but there's no point calling her "sweet" when she clearly isn't. It's nice of you to try to make friends and to help her to improve her behaviour though.

pamelat · 11/12/2008 13:29

I would say she is talking about the other mums, the ones who can't see the status report.

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 11/12/2008 13:30

i dont think it sounds aimed at you-just general whinge.
agree with dittany though.if your dd is scared.why would you make her play with the girl?

Lizzylou · 11/12/2008 13:30

I don't think that this is aimed at you
that people use facebook to address parenting problems/probs with school.

Original poster

Marne · 11/12/2008 13:31

Dittany- at the end of the day she's just a little girl, my dd1 has aspergers and i would hate her to singled out for her behaviour which is out of her control (dd is not violent) so i kind of feal sorry for this little girl who is being singled out for being 'the naughty one'. When i took my dd to play with her i didn't realise dd was scaired of her until i seen it for myself (dd can be very sensitive so thought she was making a fuss IYKWIM). I also felt sorry for her mother as she seemed to be going through a tough time after the birth of her 3rd child but now i have got to know her i can see why her dd is like she is.

I hope it wasn't aimed at me but from now on i will keep my distance.

OP posts:

DoubleBluff · 11/12/2008 13:32

I would ignore it, but wouldn't bother sticking up for her daughter anymore

doggiesayswoof · 11/12/2008 13:32

Pamelat and Blu are right - thinking about it, she wouldn't have posted that if the other mums could see it perhaps?

So if you're the only one on her FB, then she knows she's safe to have a rant because she knows you are on her side.

It's either that or what I said earlier ie she hasn't thought about it at all.

Original poster

Marne · 11/12/2008 13:33

I stuck up for her because over the past 2 weeks she has been alot better to dd.

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 11/12/2008 13:39

I don't think it was aimed at you. If the other's are always going on about her dd it will be aimed at them.

Blu · 11/12/2008 13:41

Hang on - why on earth would it be aimed at YOU? I dn't understand why people are urging you to keep your distance, when all she is doing is showing that she has noticed the same thing that you have noticed - people gossip about and criticise her dd! Surely FB is about sounding off as much as about sending veiled nasty messages to people who are NICE to you and about you?

Why not ASK her about it, before this misunderstanding goes any further? It sounds like you two are good allies for each other - say 'oh I saw your post on FB - have you been having a hard time, I dread people talking about my dd..' or whatever.

otherwise paranoia and assumptions and suspicions will just tear everyone apart!

Original poster

Marne · 11/12/2008 13:45

Thanks Blu, i think you are right.

Im just worried as yesterday it was her neighbour who was talking to me about her dd, im afraid she may have twisted things a little.

So the best thing to do would be to ask her whats happened?

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 11/12/2008 13:46

Listen to Blu

She speaks reason

Lizzylou · 11/12/2008 13:46

I would definitely ask her why she's upset.
If it was aimed at you (which I doubt) you can then address it. I'm sure she's just sounding off though.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 11/12/2008 13:46

I wouldn't say anything. I agree with Blu. YOu could just comment on her status 'don't let it get you down' which shows you're onside, or you could just leave it.

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