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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to refuse to go to my best friend's birthday

46 replies

ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:16

Ok, my best friend turned 30 this Monday, on the 8th. But she is away now and wil be back next week and this when we were supposed to celebrate the birthday.
The only problem, my friend never does anything for the birthday party. Last year she served me a piece of a cake that she bought 2 days before the birthday and a cup of tea. Normally she would buy some cheap wine and olives coz she looooves them. She might to put some cheese as well, but not necceseraly
This year I told her that she should do something for the guests, not just some leftovers from the dinner.
She said that she will not cook for the guests coz in her idea it is not what she wants to do for the guests. She said, if I want some food I should bring some with me.
I said in this case I will not go.

I do undertsand when it is a regular birthday but this is her 30th and she is looking forward to the party yet will not make one. or and she doesn't want to go out either.
AIBU for refusing to go?

OP posts:
Maria2007 · 10/12/2008 17:18

hhhhmmmmm ... but is it not her right to celebrate her own birthday the way she feels more comfortable?

Iamastupidperson · 10/12/2008 17:18

YABU ..its her birthday .

Lauriefairyonthetreeeatscake · 10/12/2008 17:18

yabu

instead of calling it a party which I think suggests food and wine call it 'meeting her friends' and eat before you go.

Lulumama · 10/12/2008 17:18

her party. and up to her. if she doesn;t like cooking/ making a party, then take some party food with you and make an effort to enjoy it, surely you want to spend time with her anyway?

no point blowing these things up into a huge fight

if she is your best friend, you shoudl go , or she is not really your friend if you care that little

maybe she is not a confident cook/hostess and maybe she cannot afford to cook for people

boredveryverybored · 10/12/2008 17:19

I think yabu, definitely. It's her birthday why should she spend it stressing and cooking for other people??
I think that her friends should do the party for her, could you not all take a dish of something, a few bottles of something nice and create a party for her?

Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:19

it is not like I am talking about her cooking the full course dinner with very rare ingredients but at least some effort...

OP posts:
roundcornvirgin · 10/12/2008 17:20

It's her birthday - let her decide what she wants to do.

ChristmasCakeYerbouti · 10/12/2008 17:20

YAVBU

eat a big dinner before you go, bob's you uncle, fanny's your aunt

You are making a mountain out of a molehill

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 10/12/2008 17:21

So what you are saying is she is inviting you to her house? Just you, or a few people?

I think you are unreasonable for dictating to your friend how she should celebrate her birthday. If she wants to invite you for a slice of cake and a cup of tea, who are you to tell her that's not good enough that's what she's offering.

You are saying her company and a cup of tea is not good enough and she should cook for you? And if she won't provide you with food, you won't spend time with her?

Do what you like.

Maria2007 · 10/12/2008 17:22

but why should she make even SOME effort on her birthday (or at anytime really) if she doesn't want to??? YABVU

TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 10/12/2008 17:23

I agree with Bored. It's her birthday, so let her relax and enjoy it. You and her other friends can take food and drink.

Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:23

Well, she never actually does anything for the guests.
She expects all the pressies and attention.
I and I have done all those things before-came with the food, the drinks.etc.
She does actually checks the menu list before my birthday party and makes coments what she would like to eat.

When I say, please somehting else more substantial than olives, at least pizza, you know frozen one...
She says she cannot be bothered
And plus as well, drinks are on guests

OP posts:
hecAteAMillionMincePies · 10/12/2008 17:24

Or what about YOU throwing HER a party for her 30th! That's what a 'best friend' would bloody do. Not sit there saying feed me feed me you are failing in your duty to cater for me on this, your special day. I will not bestow upon thee, the great honour of my company.

I think I'd be telling you exactly where to stick it, and which lube to use.

ChristmasCakeYerbouti · 10/12/2008 17:24

Don't go then.

TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 10/12/2008 17:25

I expect pressies and attention on my birthday too!!

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 10/12/2008 17:26

that sort of half rhymes. It wasn't meant to, honest.

Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:28

Invisible-if you expect pressies and attention shouldn't you greet your guests equally who as well amde an effort give you that??

It is honestly, she said, come to the party, but there will be nothing. If you want something bring it with you.
id somebody of you make a party do you do the same???

OP posts:
Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:32

Million-I already threw for her two birthday parties. Two. I think it is enough. I cannot do it every year.

Plus she has a right to tell me what to cook for my birthday so why I cannot tell her that it is the time to show some respect to the guests??

II know she will end up drunk demanding more drinks and more food at the end. I know my friend, so why not to take care of that her self>
As I said I am not demanding anything special. really a pizza would do.

OP posts:
TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 10/12/2008 17:33

The point is it's her birthday. The one day of the year you can be selfish and say 'today is about what I want'

So stop making a fuss that you're not getting fed and waited on, and instead concentrate on helping you're friend have a day she really enjoys.

Then when it's your birthday you can sit back and have someone do the same for you.

TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 10/12/2008 17:34

arrg..your

Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:35

Invisible-again-So we all should care for her on HER special day but she doesn't do ti for us. A sI said, in my last birthday she said I should cook two dishes from the menu coz she doesn't like them. I said I do. She was upset

OP posts:
TheInvisibleManDidItWithSanta · 10/12/2008 17:37

Actually, if you and your best friend are falling out every year about who should do what at birthdays and arguing over food, then I really don't think you are best friends.

Off to take boys to footie/ xmas parties..

Here's a suggestion..you all go out for a meal and drinks and all pay your own way.

hecAteAMillionMincePies · 10/12/2008 17:38

Sounds like there's more to it than this birthday party. Sounds like you have a lot of resentments. What is it that you want from us? All to say yes, it's ok? Give you permission? You don't need permission. If you feel she's a taker, dump her.

If you go, and there's nothing, there's nothing. If she gets drunk and demands more, tell her to go and get it, or to give you money for it. If you go and get it - that's your problem.

You call her a best friend, but you sound like you can't stand her. if it's that annoying - don't bloody go!

mysterymoniker · 10/12/2008 17:38

she isn't asking you to do the catering tho is she? she is just not planning to do any

just take a pizza then?

Original poster
ukrainianmum · 10/12/2008 17:38

Million- i can predict with to a second who it will all end if she will have nothing. She will get drunk, pissed. And I would spend time in the kitchen. Seriously, I want to dress up nicely, you know make up, hair done.For what?? To cook??

I don't make fuss about being fed or catered. It is about respect for your guests.

OP posts: