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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hacked off with the 'creche' provided for the nativity today

75 replies

OhGetOverMyself · 10/12/2008 16:47

I know the school tried to solve an age old problem by doing it, but it was awful.

It was being run apparently by the 'qualified after school club staff' and we were all pressed into using it so nobody cried during the play.

I took ds2 into the foyer for the play and stood with him, unsure if he would be Ok left in a creche as he's never been left before really, he's 18mo.

Headteacher approached me and said 'were you not tempted by our creche' and I said I might try him and see how he was.

So I took ds2 along, put him down, he looked really chuffed and started to play. There were several slightly older children there and they looked Ok, if bored. Also a small baby (7mo) who was crying sadly and being carried around.

I tentatively left ds there and went back to the play.

I went back after 10 mins, he was still happily playing. Great except the baby was still unhappy. I felt awful for him but couldn't think what to do.
Anyway I went to watch the next 20 minutes and then went to check on ds again. Still fine, but the baby was still miserable.

Another child was lying in his buggy, blanketed to his chin - wide awake, looking at me, making moves to get out but the staff just came and stuck a dummy in his mouth, didn't try and play with him or lift him out

So I said to the woman carrying the baby, 'has he had a drink?' and she said no, there was nothing left for him by the parents, so I said can we just give him a cup with water in it? and she said 'Oh, well, I don't know, wouldn't it have to be sterilised?' and I said 'No, he will be fine' and she said 'I don't know about the water'

So I went and got a beaker with water in, ofered it to baby, who drank fulsomely after initial bemusement...he was really thirsty...eventually the woman asked for him back, and said maybe I should go and find his mum as he was still crying (my idea initially) so I did. The play was ending and I told her he wasn't happy and she said 'But we left him bottles in the bag, we TOLD them there were bottles' and looked really hacked off.

I was so angry. I don't think the people were qualified with young babies. I just thank goodness it wasn't for more than about an hour, poor little mite just needed his bottle or his mum

I'd have been fuming if he were my child. It makes me think twice about using something like that again.

OP posts:

moston · 10/12/2008 17:15

I don't see why you aren't upset at the parents who didn't even check that their baby settled.

southeastastra · 10/12/2008 17:16

and over 5 is very different to under 5s! t

LIZS · 10/12/2008 17:16

I don't think it is up to you to complain since your toddler was fine and it wasn't your baby. dd would have howled regardless and a 7mo can easily go for more than an hour without needing a drink, assuming it's parent made sure he was fed and watered beforehand .

familyfeud · 10/12/2008 17:16

Some people do sterilise to 12 months, noy sure I would have given him water...

Cupofteaplease · 10/12/2008 17:18

It's only for an hour, and it is up to the parents if they choose to use the creche. Also, if I'd been a member of the creche staff, I would NOT have let you give the baby a drink- it wasn't your place to do that. However, they should have given the drink themselves, or gone to find the parent. It sounds like they are used to looking after older children.

I think it is good that the school have tried to provide a solution. At dd's school, pre-schoolers are banned, full stop. My own 18 month old will be with the childminder.

Original poster

OhGetOverMyself · 10/12/2008 17:19

The mother in question was in an electric wheelchair, in the middle of the audience and up some steps.

I was standing in the foyer and able to run back and forth (it was a 2 minute run between) but that was hard enough.

I imagine she assumed her child was being cared for and given his milk.

OP posts:

Original poster

OhGetOverMyself · 10/12/2008 17:21

Also you had to ask the nobby secretary to let you into the school every time you wanted to check on your child - this was embarrassing and awkward and I am sure she thought I was an eejit for even bothering.

It worried me even more that they just handed the baby over to me, let me feed him water, they were just hopeless. If it was against regs they shouldn't have let me even try to calm him down!

OP posts:

ChopsTheDuck · 10/12/2008 17:26

it would have been far simpler jsut to allow children in.

Our school does 3 performances. One is a dress rehearsal where younger sibnlings can attend, and two are for adults only. Works well.

Original poster

OhGetOverMyself · 10/12/2008 17:28

that is a great idea. They should think about doing that next year. I'll suggest it.

OP posts:

chaufleur · 10/12/2008 17:33

YANBU to be upset for the baby, however, this was a one-off thing to try and help parents out, not a paying day-nursery. Had the mother of the baby come on her own? if not then the father or other person could have checked on the baby and TBH at that age of 7mo I think it odd they did not. Then they would have discovered that the baby was crying and suggested a bottle from the bag etc etc.

The only reason you saw all this is because you were there to check frequently and baby's parents were not or they would have put a stop to it by dealing with the baby's needs.

I don't think it's worth making a big fuss over, if the staff had been leaving the room, or if you were complaining about a nursery that had babies there every day then yes but otherwise - whilst not top-notch care it was a free, convenient service just for an hour to help parents out that they were not obliged to use.

moston · 10/12/2008 17:34

well said

moondog · 10/12/2008 17:43

Oh FGS
Get over yourself
Some people will whinge about anything even when people who already have more than enough on their plate try to help them out.

Have you any idea of the blood sweat and tears that go into planning and preparing a scholl Christmas concert??

Original poster

OhGetOverMyself · 10/12/2008 17:45

OP posts:

moondog · 10/12/2008 17:45

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2008 17:47

It was free. What did you expect?

moondog · 10/12/2008 17:51

And it was free!!
Missed that bit.
Are you also irritated by lack of hot food and fully qualified Norland nannies?

morningpaper · 10/12/2008 17:58

I don't think that free childcare (because we don't want you to bring your children to a SCHOOL PLAY) means you should expect it to be SHITE

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 10/12/2008 18:01

I'm with Moondog - I'd be bloody ectastic if our school was able to offer something like that for younger siblings - afternoon things aren't too bad I can generally get DS3 to have his nap in his pushchair at the required time - but mornings things I either can't attend, or end up having to leave 5 minutes in because he's making so much noise.

Thankfully next week the infant school is doing 2 separate performances of the Nativity Service so I have arranged with my friend to go to the opposite one to her so she can look after DS3 for me.

Our church "creche" is a similar set-up - people who are actually qualified to work with older children looking after the younger children. FWIW my DS3 uses that one every fortnight (the other week they're with exH) and no I don't check on him, I don't go to him when he's screaming to get out and run about the church (or screaming for anything else) - I can't being stuck at the organ and all that.

He's still a very happy adjusted boy despite throwing a fortnightly tantrum/strop/tears over being in the creche - so i really don't see how 1hr in a childs year is going to ruin their entire life

DoesntChristmasDragOn · 10/12/2008 18:02

I don't think you can expect them to be playing avidly with every child and following the Early Years curriculum.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 10/12/2008 18:03

MP - I'm glad that all the parents at your DC's school take noisy younger siblings out so that they don't disrupt the whole thing for everybody - would be nice if every parent was that way inclined.

I went to watch DS1 (and the rest of the YR3's) performing on the violin/cello this morning. One parent sat in the front row with their "darling" little child next to them and let them make noise the entire way through. It was disrupting for everyone, and for children performing who were very nervous an absolute bloody nightmare.

BlueCowNowIsLowing · 10/12/2008 18:06

it's an hour or so! No child will be permanently damaged! If the other parents are OK with leaving their child, that's up to them. It was presumably free.

Really not a big deal, yabu

LIZS · 10/12/2008 18:08

but was this actually shite ?! Maybe the sert up wasn't geared to babies but people can make their own assessment of whether what is on offer , for free, is sufficient for their child.

pamelat · 10/12/2008 18:12

I think that they were wrong to not find the 7 month olds parents. If my baby had been upset for more than 10 minutes I would want to be fetched.

However, the water thing is a bit presumptious. I sterilise all DD's bottles and beakers and she is 11 months. Although I wouldnt mind someone giving her an unsterilised one if it was what she needed.

It sounds a bit amateur but presumably these people arent used to dealing with very young children?

thisisyesterday · 10/12/2008 18:13

at our school plays a teacher would always ask a parent to go out with a small child if it was being particularly disruptive.

i think that's fair enough.

and better than parents feeling they have to get up every 5 minutes to check that their child is being looked after properly in the cewche provided.

VirginiaWoolf · 10/12/2008 19:34

DD's Christmas show was ruined this afternoon by younger siblings (not hers!) present in the audience who made lots of noise and were not taken out. I simply don't understand how people can just sit there with a young child making such a racket and not realise the impact it has - really distracting for the pupils, and just sooooooooooooooo loud. I could hear the songs, but none of the dialogue. [sad[

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