to not want dogs round my dd?

[victoriaplum08]

After reading a recent thread about dogs and children, I thought I would ask about a situation that happened recently. My dd is coming up to 1 and she isnt hugely fond of dogs. We went to visit a friend who had just given birth to her dd. They have 3 dogs, one huge one, one little one, both of whom are quite placid and a very boisterous staffie. I wouldnt usually go round because of the dogs, however she had mentioned they were gated off from the baby. When we were there however, she decided to let the staffie out to 'play' with my dd! She kept hold of its collar but it was lunging at her and trying to lick her feet and face whilst getting excited and barking. My dd got a bit scared (obviously) and I think my friend could tell I was v pissed off so put the dog back. Then she let the big dog roam about near my dd/ her babies moses basket. I cant help but feel she was trying to get her dogs used to kids by using my daughter. I didnt say anything as she had just had a baby and I didnt want to fall out with her but now I dread going round and make excuses. Also the house smells strongly of dogs and my dd gets covered in hairs. Am I just being precious? I dont mind small friendly well trained dogs that I trust near her, but her dogs can be v boisterous.

yabu.

She had hold of the staffy.

The other dog wasn't doing any harm - there were people in the room etc so clearly your dd was not at risk.

you are being over precious.

YANBU, if she gates them off from her baby then she shouldn't have them out with yours. We have a dog and although around ours the whole time, I always ask if visiting children are ok and if not he is put in another room.

YANBU not to want your DD near dogs ,thats your decision and opinion . However if you want to maintain a friendship with the lady you have talked about then i think being honest is probably your best policy in the long run. Could she come over to your house for coffee instead ?

If she asks you round again could you ask her if the dogs will be kept out of the way and just explain that your dd doesn't like dogs and you don't want her to upset.

All my friends who have children and dogs keep their dogs out of the way when they have other people and/or their children around regardless of how well behaved/wonderful they think their dogs are.

One of my frinds house smells a bit 'doggy' and is a bit 'hairy' but that wouldn't stop me going around. Not keeping the dogs out of the way would though.

Or prehaps you could invite her yours more often instead? That way you're guaranteed not to have the dogs around.

Yanbu

If your dd is frightened of dogs then it would be better for her to get used to a placid dog than a boisturous staffie.

Dd had a bad experience with a dog about 6 mths ago. It took ages and lots if time with a very patient dog to get her comfortable even being near a dog.

Did she know how you feel? Perhaps you could arrange to meet at your house instead.

All i can say is that if you do go around there again, just mention it that you would lioke to keep the dogs away from your dd as she doesn't like them.. and gets scared around them...

As for the staffie, they are a bit misunderstood, they can be one of the most loving, caring obedient and protective dogs about.... hence the licking of the feet....

The little one is more likely to be a problem though, people tend to let little dogs get away with stuff as they're small and cute....

I found that out when i had my dd, my jack russell was a lot less tolerant to her than my staffie....who licked, but also withstood a lot of ear pulling and poking with no reaction at all...

As for the hairs, they go with the territory, but the more dogs you have, the more hair and smells you'll get....and more cleaning is needed(or not done as the case may be), and sometimes people just don't meet the type of cleanliness you'd like...

Hope this helps a little

I always feel bad asking her to come to our house as shes a very young baby and has to get the bus. I think it was more the fact that it was the boisterous dog that she got out. She didnt ask and although she had hold of its collar, it is quite strong. My dd has a habit of grabbing at peoples/ animals faces and had she done this to the dog, I dont know it well enough to know it wouldnt snap. Sometimes they are kept outside and I get the feeling they are not 'family pets' and more guard dogs. I like dogs and we always had them growing up, its just that I do not know or trust these particular ones and I dont feel it was appropriate for her to let them get so close to my dd without asking.

Also you do get used to the smell after a few minutes so it wouldnt stop me going round and doesnt bother me that much. Its just my dd gets absolutely covered in hairs so I cant really put her on the floor but she wants to move about. Its not usually like that, I think its more that she has a lot on her plate at the mo! Just realised I sounded a bit house snobby looks around at filthy house

YANBU. You'll have to make it clear to her, as politely as possible, that when you come around ypu'd prefer if she keeps her dogs in another room...or you don't come around. It's her house, so her choice. But you are definitely NOT being unreasonable in not wanting dogs licking and sniffing around your baby

YANBU i wouldnt want 3 smelly dogs licking my dc either

I always put my dog outside when people come over, if they ask me to let her in then i will (after warning them that she may jump up), my staffie is very placid and lets dd2 poke her and grab her tail but you can never trust a dog 100%.

I hate the dog hairs, i also hate going to dh's fathers house as he has 8 cats and hair gets stuck to the kids whilst they play on the floor.

YANBU or precious. It's natural that you should want to protect your child and staffs are notoriously unpredictable dogs. You should probably tell your friend how you feel though.

YANBU !

I have a very boistrous but extremely friendly boxer who adores children and babies but I always put him in his kennel when friends bring their children around becasue I know they may be concerned at his boistrousness!
I feel sorry for him shut out of his own home when he just wants to play but I try & remember how other people may see him if they don't know him.
If I were you I would just mention it to your friend, she may be a little hurt but I'm sure she will understand and would rather see you and your DD than not.

I always have my dog gated out of the way when people are round unless they are very clearly ok with him being out. I would be mortified if I thought I was making guests feel uncomfortable in my home.

I think you are being a leeeetle incey bit precious about the smell and the hair though. Admittedly annoying but not really critical. My kids have grown up crawling around in pet hair with no obvious damage .

Wouldn't be happy about a dog licking a human's face (which means various things in 'dog' - but has to do with dominance)

Face licking isn't straightforward dominant behaviour - it can also be a submissive action. Dogs lick each other's faces during greetings, when they suss out between them who's the top dog. Some face-licking gestures are imitative of a puppy begging its mum for regurgitated food (bleurgh!) and are done in deference to the alpha dog, who is in a position to provide the food.

YAB rather silly about the smell/hair issue, but your friend's behaviour with the Staff seems very odd, although the dog was being held.

When my dear old Staff was alive, he was crate-trained and his crate was usually behind the sofa, so he could be sent there for short periods. However, I refused to shut him outside or in the kitchen. It was my house and people visiting my house knew that Carter lived there as well. Those who demanded him out of the room (are you listening, DH's cousin?) were not invited back.
I have just realised that this post is a bit of a ramble.

Smallclanger - re the face licking, I have a 12 yr old springer who just wants to sleep when he is at home, and I sometimes look after a 9 month old cocker for a few hours for a friend. The pup constantly licks my dogs face when they are both in my house but is very submissive to me and to a certain extent my dog, is the lciking a submissive thing to my dog?

Don't worry, YANBU !!!!!

I completely understand how you feel about it all - and I have a 13 week old Springer Pup, am a very doggy person, have had several Springers and I have a daughter.

Being a responsible dog owner is also considering others when they are around your dog, ESPECIALLY children.

There have been so many cases of terrible injuries and fatalities concerning children and dog attacks you just cannot take any chances. NO dog is completely trustworthy and I don't care what anyone say's.

It does appear that your friend did maybe use your daughter as 'practice'. And, I am horrified that she let the dogs roam about in close proximity to her newborn baby. The fact that the baby came after the dogs is also a factor. We have waited until dd is 4.7 until we got another dog. In my opinion, and it is purely personal (before I get shot down), that babies and dogs are not a good combination.

I wouldn't allow a dog to lick my dd's face either, just think where their noses and mouths have been ! The hair/ smell is all part and parcel of dog ownership I'm afraid although there is no excuse for the the house being very stinky unless one of the dogs has a smelly health issue like smelly ears or anal gland problems .

Explain to your friend that you are happy to visit but that your dd is wary of the dogs and would she mind gating them off whilst you are there. If she refuses, don't visit. The choice is hers.

My in-laws refused to shut their dog away when dd was a baby/ toddler, even after he'd shown signs of aggression and intolerance to her. We refused to visit. A childs welfare and safety is paramount and the fact that your dd was scared of the dogs would be reason enough to gate the dogs off - especially of them !

YANBU. Dog lovers should be respectful of the fact that non-dog-lovers do not like dogs around their children, let alone stinky dogs. I'm terrified of dogs and the smell of dogs makes me baulk.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all at the moment in the case of what is effectively a pack of boisterous dogs at this particular friend's house. However people may like to consider whether bringing children up without any contact with dogs - carefully selected and on your own terms - is doing the children any real favours. We see a number of older children who cower away from our Airedale, who is always under control when children are about. Those children clearly have been brought up to be frightened of all dogs - not sensibly cautious, I mean frightened. That is sad to see and it is so nice to see children who look at him and ask, or are encouraged by parents to ask, from a sensible distance whether they can stroke him/ say hello or whatever. That is surely a balanced, safe and healthy approach which leaves the children without unnecessary fears or deprived of the pleasure of dog owning later in life. I fear that some of the MN posters on dogs, not necessarily in this thread, have been brought up to be terrified of them and will have had their lives restricted by that.

YANBU, I have two dogs and they are part of my family but DD and any child IMO come before any pet including my dogs. I don't trust any dog including my own 100% with DD or any child because it is just not worth the consequences if something were to happen.

I do trust one of my dogs more than the other, she is a staffie cross Jack R and she is very placid and lets DD climb on her, pull her ears, brush her, hit her with said brush_but I do not take my eyes off DD or the dog when they are together.

I do put my dogs out of the way when people come round but almost everyone who comes round go into the dining room (cut off with the room divider, as we live in a terrace with the two rooms knocked through) to see the dogs anyway.

If she is a good friend, just tell her, she will understand, tell her that you are not comfortable about any dogs around your DD, not just her dogs.

How lovely to hear such sensible and supportive advice.
Catwithkittens - My dad bred Airdales many moons ago and they such brilliant dogs. I don't think they get the recognition they deserve, probably because they are more majestic rather than cute, fluffy and cuddly.

Joining this post v late but FWIW, I understand your issues about your DD and dogs but it is your friend's house so I think you need to let her know how you feel if you want to keep going round there. Perhaps just ask her outright, as gently as possible "are the dogs ok with small children? there's no risk of him snapping if [DD] pulls his ears?"

In general though (and this isn't directed ay you VP08), I do think we are inclined to be a bit precious about kids and animals. I couldn't believe the number of people who asked me, when I had my DD "what are you going to do about your cat?" as if it was inconceivable that a cat and a baby could coexist in the same house. Obviously you never leave small children alone with animals but the two have been getting along fine for countless generations and keeping them completely separate seems a bit unnecessary.

Also, in answer to an earlier post, Staffie's aren't notoriously unpredictable around children. My family has staffies and though they can be a nightmare with other animals we've never known one to be aggressive towards a child or adult. But they are very powerful dogs and so understandably people often feel a bit apprehensive about them.

Tillyboo
Yes they really are great, aren't they? Ours is wonderful with the children and the only time I have ever known him growl at a human was when a rather enthusiastic physical game playing male visitor, whom he had never met before that day, was rolling around on the lawn with DD1 and she was screaming in a way which was difficult to decipher - fear or pleasure? Both DH and dog went together to see what had happened - dog is faster, surprise, surprise, and got there first. He didn't do anything - just stood over the man and growled as much as to say "That's my little girl, watch it or you'll have me to answer to." Visitor - who is a decorated soldier - did not take any chances; he just got up, at which dog wagged his tail and went to be petted by DD1. That is the other side of dog ownership with children - good ones are very protective.