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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel uncomfortable about DD's photo being used on SIL's website?

27 replies

stickybeaker · 10/12/2008 16:19

My SIL is a photographer, just getting started with her own business. She took lovely photos of our wedding, and I would like to support her with her venture.

However, it was mentioned that she's putting together a portfolio and wants to include some of DD's photos (which will also appear on her website).

I want to be OK with it, but the fact that her picture will be available to the world makes me feel uncomfortable. DH is fine with it, but I said 'if a tramp walked up to you on the street and asked for a photo of DD what would you say?'... He could see my point.

I don't think it would harm DD in the slightest (and we can all guess what goes on with pics available on the internet), but I don't want the world to have unrestricted access to my baby's photograph. (I'm fine with her using our wedding pics by the way).

Thoughts please?

OP posts:
TheDevilWearsPrimark · 10/12/2008 16:22

I think you are being silly. What if a tramp walked up to you and looked at your DD, what then?

Sadly there are other pictures for people with bad intentions to look at, and they are nothing like a baby portrait.

branflake81 · 10/12/2008 16:22

YABU. It won't harm her in any way. You shouldbe glad you have a photogenic child!

MinkyBorage · 10/12/2008 16:22

what are the pics like? if she isn't naked, then you are being completely unreasonable!

Tee2072 · 10/12/2008 16:22

It wouldn't bother me, personally, but I can see why it would make you uncomfortable.

littlelamb · 10/12/2008 16:23

Hmm. I wouldn't have a problem with it tbh. But the tramp analogy ad me thinking. I had ds in the sling yesterday and before I even knew what was happening a woman had whipped out a picture and taken his photo in a shop I was so shocked I just stood with my mouth open like a moron - I didn't know what to say. It is definately not on fr other people to take pictures of your dc unasked, but I can't quite articulate why

littlelamb · 10/12/2008 16:24

a camera obviously

Original poster
stickybeaker · 10/12/2008 16:29

Fair points everyone - but it's not just about being looked at - it's the fact that someone can print it out/use it as a screensaver... Basically have it for their own pleasure. I don't think there would be any naked pics (and nor do I think she's amazingly photogenic).

It's just the availablitity of the WWW for anyone and everyone...

OP posts:
Gorionine · 10/12/2008 16:37

YANBU, your DD, your choice. I am sure SIL will undersatand. A few years ago I refused DD's picture to be put on a company's website for the same reason. I felt a bit bas as Dd's best friend was also on the picture and her mum hasd said Yes. (we had been approached in a shop by this gentleman who had just started his own buisness and thought our two smiling girs would be a good image for his compagny). I was quit satisfied that the man was genuine but I do not know everybody who will look at the pictures and it does make me uncomfortable.

Gorionine · 10/12/2008 16:39

understand even and sorry, I seem to have been a bit overzealous with "s" key as well.

dustystar · 10/12/2008 16:39

If she uses certain copyright software they won't be able to save a copy onto their computer or print one off without buying it. I don't know what software she needs but it definitely exists.

CrackopentheBaileys · 10/12/2008 16:41

I think it's not unreasonable, you are entitled to your opinion and she is your daughter after all.
Howver I think that if you really think about it, theres not really a justified reason as to why not?
There are child models all over the web, catalogues, magazines, adverts, books, etc etc
If she is fully clothed, and there are no address details for her (that's pretty important)then there is absolutely no reason for not allowing her on there. (imho)

In fact, on the contrary, it would be a lovely memento for when she is older

VinegarSantaGropedMyTits · 10/12/2008 16:43

YABU

She will be using it in a protfolio for clients to view her work, they will be looking at it to see the quality of her work, not perving over you dc. I cant see why you have an issue

CrackopentheBaileys · 10/12/2008 16:43

also, every day you walk down the road with her she is open to the exact same thing, being looked at by people that you don't know. I don't really see how it's any different?

Original poster
stickybeaker · 10/12/2008 16:43

I thought that about the software. I used to go showjumping and there were digital pics that you could buy but not get digitally (IYKWIM). Obvioulsy the baby pics wouldn't be for sale anyway, so that could be the answer!

OP posts:
MmeHereWeGoAWassailLindt · 10/12/2008 16:46

I would be a bit cautious about a stranger or a company unknown to me using a photo of my dc. It would not bother me if a close friend or relative wanted to use one. I don't believe that paedophiles search the net for pictures on photography websites. Unfortunately there are websites that cater for these kind of people

Original poster
stickybeaker · 10/12/2008 16:46

crack... I feel that being looked at is different. A photographic image could be a permanent fixture for someone, whereas passing in the street can't be permanent. I do see people's point that nothing can actually happen to her, even if someone was to do their worst with her image.

OP posts:
pania · 10/12/2008 16:47

I would feel exactly the same as you stickybeaker, for the same reasons. So YANBU in my opinion.

FunnyLittleFrog · 10/12/2008 16:47

Is the image being on the website really any different to it being in a magazine or leaflet? I mean, someone could cut a picture out of a magazine and put it in a photoframe couldn't they? That's just the same as using it as a screensaver.

But... YANBU - your child, your choice.

thisisyesterday · 10/12/2008 16:48

tons of people are seeing your dd every single day.

if a tramp walked up to me and asked to take a picture of my children I would think it was rather strange, but I don't think i'd actually have a problem with it. honestly.

it's a picture. I am chuffed if people want to look at my boys, and although I am not sure anyone would want to print off pictures of random children or use them as screensavers, well, if they did what harm is done?

if you are thinking along the paedophilia route (and I HATE being the first one to say that, sorry) then you are def overreacting. they aren't going to be looking at that kind of thing at all. sadly there are other websites out there that cater for them

MinkyBorage · 10/12/2008 16:48

oh fgs sake, stop being so neurotic. Your sil will think you're mad if you say no

Gorionine · 10/12/2008 16:48

crackopentheBaileys All the children you are refering to in catalogues and so on are not the OP's dcs. If their parents were fine with it fine if she is not fine about it for her own DD, fine too IMO.

thisisyesterday · 10/12/2008 16:50

also stickybeaker, if your SIL knows anything about computers and selling images etc etc she will know to use only low-res images on her website.
that is how they stop people just printing stuff off for free. iyswim?
she will probably have small-ish photos at a resolution that looks good on screen but would look crap enlarged and printed.

does that make sense?
I am sure your DD is absolutely lovely, but what makes you think a random stranger would want to use a picture of her?/

Original poster
stickybeaker · 10/12/2008 18:27

Thanks for all advice (but not so much for insults!) I do appreciate everyone's points of view.

OP posts:
ilovemydog · 10/12/2008 18:33

DD and DS were photographed recently, and I was asked if DD's photo could be used in the shop for promotional purposes.

It was a great shot, but wasn't happy about her being used as a free advertisement for the company. May have been different if it was for a relative.

pamelat · 10/12/2008 18:45

My SIL did this without even asking us (!) and I wasnt too bothered (and i am usually fairly unreasonable!)

I think its nice that she has asked.