to be shocked that 11 year old girls have boyfriends...................

[SquishyButt]

All of DDs new friends at sec school (Yr 7) have boyfriends (she is the only one who does'nt apparently and is desperate for one) and we actually bumped into her best friend while she was 'window shopping' in town hand in hand with her boyfriend (all in the same class). They are 11 ffs! The girl had told her mum that she was going 'up town' with her friends but lied and met this boy on her own (her mum trusts her so lets her go out on her own ). I imagined 11 year olds swooning over each other in school and 'going out' with each other but not ACTUALLY going out so am shocked.

Found a text on DDs phone later that she sent to 4 friends saying how embarrassed she was of me making her walk around town with me! While she was at primary school she had no interest in boys at all and now after 3 months at senior school, she never shuts up about them . They seem to be having sex ed shoved in their faces at school too - she's been telling me that they have been shown graphic pictures (drawings) of penis' inside vaginas as well. I sat her down and told her the rudimentarys of it all when she was 10 and got her books about it but AIBU in thinking that they really don't need to be thinking about all that and boyfriend/girlfriend issues at this age.

I have told DD that she is not dating or going 'up town' with her mates until she is 16 and I'll homeschool if need be (bit OTT I know). I remember that I was still playing with dolls at her age - what is the world coming to!!

dd is 8 and has had the same 3 boyfriends since she was about 5.

That's just it cheesesarnie.
At this age they don't 'get it'.
A boyfriend is just a lad they have some form of connection with and they feel the need to label it.
DD and DP's cousin (DD is DP's DSD) think they are in love. They are all over each other when they see each other, holding hands, writing love notes etc. It's just a bond, a beautiful innocent bond.

If somebody rejects you, it's quite hard to 'compartmentalise it' as an adult. It is impossible at 11.

yanbu squishy

I had a 'boyfriend' at 10! Andrew Ellis. He bought me a chocolate orange and made me a card for Valentine's Day. Apparently he'd bought me an expensive box of chocolates and his mum hadn't allowed him to give them to me.

Andrew was not impressed however, when I dug out said home made card when we were in Sixth Form.

It was completely harmless and innocent. In those days having a boyfriend meant you just ignored each other a lot.

I had a 'boyfriend' when I was 11 but all that we did was pass notes to each other in class and he was allowed to come to my house ( wasn't allowed in my room alone with me though!! )

Our 'relationship' was purely the love of the whole idea of being girlfriend-boyfriend and not much else!

I don't think I even ever held his hand!!!!

I was not allowed to be out with a boy or date until I was 14.

Funny as when I did get my first proper boyfriend ( one that I actually kissed and held hands with ) at the age of 14....ended up staying with him and now he is my lovely DH !!!! We've been together 17 years and married 8!

To tell you the truth, even though I felt it unfair at the time, I think my mum did the right thing being strict with me. It gave me a clear message of where the boundaries lay and it made me respect the fact it is my choice when I get into a relationship.

And I do intend to be strict with my boys when they get to 'that age' as well. I want they to be respectful of girls and understand the pressures. ( Well...this is what I hope to achieve anyway!!!! )

i do think it comes down to how much you know and, or trust your own child their strengths and weaknesses and be totally honest with yourself about it, and that you need to make your descision about town and boys based on that. nobody knows their own child better than the parents/carers themselves after all

i.e young 11 or old 11, sensible and knows their own mind to a satifactory degree or likely to be led by the pack, likely to lie about where they ar going and who with or not

i may be completely wrong and talking bollox (please tell me to shut up if thats the case) but thats what i think

It does seem to change when they go to secondary school, before then they are boyfriend/girlfriend in school time only.

My 12 year old ds has had girlfriends. They do sometimes meet up and go to the cinema etc, but in groups, not alone.

OP - read her diary as well, do you?

Yes, she will have been shown graphic pictures at school. That's what drawings are - graphic. Did you expect the penis and vagina to have little stars over them?

Your DD's feelings at this age are perfectly natural. Showing concern and working with her through them is all well and good but throwing your toys out the pram at this stage will either only alienate your daughter or just make the forbidden fruit more tempting to boot.

Was with you somewhat until you said "I have told DD that she is not dating or going 'up town' with her mates until she is 16 and I'll homeschool if need be (bit OTT I know)."

No - a lot OTT. But if you want to deprive your DD of any chance of starting to practice any social skills until she gets a shock at college or work at the age of 16, that's your lookout.

YABU.

I had a boyfriend at 11. He came to tea at my house and I bought him a packet of custard creams I somehow managed to 'save' myself and have only ever slept with my DH of 13 years. I agree that the absolute worst thing you can do is to segregate boys and girls so that they become exotic species - much more interesting than the grim reality that is spotty teenage boyhood.

Oh don't do this, my mum did this, and as a result I saw it as perfectly reasonable to lie for an easy life. (ANd under that regime, it is)

TsarHumbug on Wed 10-Dec-08 11:29:02
"I do agree with OP about this.

I think it's such a shame that children of this age feel peer pressure to grow up so quickly these days.

I was still very much a little girl at 11, but maybe that because things were less sophisticated when I was that age. It was quite a long time ago cos I am mid 40's. "

Speak for yourself. I am 45 and I had definitely hit adolescence by the time I was 11. Nothing to do with the pressures of modern society, everything to do with hormones. I didn't need modern television or a hyper-sexualished society to see that my sailing instructor was definitely dishy.

Though a lot of the 11yo "boyfriend" stuff isn't really to do with hormones either, more with trying out friendships with the opposite sex before you get to the age where friendship grow into something more serious. Not necessarily a bad idea.

I was hormonal by the time I was 11, but did not lose my virginity until much later. So those years of dreaming and sighing were totally risk free, but I do feel they were an important part of my development. Half the world's literature and art wouldn't resonate unless you had been through that hormonal adolescent stage. And I imagine it would be dangerous to do it at an age when people around you can reasonably expect you to be an adult.

Am struck by the negative tone of many posts on here. I actually enjoyed growing up and discovering my sexuality and the world around me, so why should I want to lock dd up? Why would I want her to stay a little girl forever when I wouldn't have wanted that for myself?

And am I the only person who actually trusts their child's common sense? I have seen no evidence that dd is likely to be more foolish than myself- and I survived.

I had a BF in year six he was sooooooooooo sweet used to bring me chocolates and things and I would go to his house for tea play computer games etc then when we went into Year 7 I went on holiday and he was going out with my friend I WAS GUTTED!!!

I still see him about and I think I still have that puppy love for him.

I think at to most 11 year olds boyfriend just means going round with a boy the same as you would with a girlfriend.
I think not letting her go to town with hewr mateds until she is 16 is way over the top.

My DD's friends all snog their BFs all around school in front of everybody. I asked her if she had a BF, she said "Oh God No. Not until I am in the sixth form." She is almost 13.

Nothing like me. I was chasing the boys at 11!

I agree with mumeeee. If you are too controlling you are setting yourself up for real problems at 16.