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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be thinking about a fling with someone I work with?

70 replies

scarlets · 09/12/2008 18:38

I'm fed up with my husband of ten years. He contributes less than I do financially and he does no housework. I'm the one holding the cards, which I don't like - I want an equal partner. He is an amazing dad to our girls and son though and I want to give them a stable up-bringing so leaving him is out of the question. I also love my parents-in-law and his sisters.

A man at work is very interested in me and I really fancy him (I don't fancy my husband). He's 11 years younger and is going travelling in April, so it'd be a brief, no-strings fling. It's our company's Christmas dinner on Saturday and I'm thinking about what to do...I'd love some "action" to be honest, with someone who isn't relying on me to pay the rent, get the children to school and wash the floors.

AIBU?

OP posts:
rubyslippersisappearinginpanto · 09/12/2008 19:56

yes - of course YABU

the grass in NEVER greener

invest all that time and energy on lusting after someone else on your relationship with your DH

Bink · 09/12/2008 20:10

toyboy ... fling ... going travelling ... work ... Christmas party ...

What we have here is someone in red alert hair trigger self-destruct mode, desperately looking for a reality check (that's why she's not getting entirely pasted).

How about this one, not mentioned yet? Toyboy kisses and tells ALL OVER FACEBOOK. With pictures.

WifeandMotherof4 · 09/12/2008 20:15

It sounds like you are looking for a single ticket to 'out of your marriage'. There are those that are far less destructive. Try a weekend away with DH to talk and repair/seperate.

Bink · 09/12/2008 20:44

Pictures taken at the Christmas party. With smeary make-up.

And a background of co-workers patently pointing & sniggering.

ScottishMummy · 09/12/2008 20:47

work collegues sniggering about you being a dirty shagger with that guy who beds all the older burds

prettybutterfly · 09/12/2008 20:49

Striking lack of an OP ...
Anyone else feeling a bit 'wound up' about it?

thatsnotmymonster · 09/12/2008 20:50

Sounds like a troll.

Can't believe anyone would post an OP like that on MN and not KNOW that they were in for a good flaming.

ScottishMummy · 09/12/2008 20:54

hell it amused me.some ole lush lusting after young player because hubby no domestic wonder

tiredsville · 09/12/2008 20:58

Not necessarily a troll, maybe OP wants to see if any other women identify with her and by gawd their are plenty of married women out their having affairs.
She is not simply saying that her DH is crap at the housework, but also that she doesn't fancy him anymore. The only quality she appreciates, is that he is a good dad.
Sometimes this is not enough to sustain a relationship in the long run.
I still think going ahead with a fling would be a mistake. It's not always about swinging off the chandeliers.

SalLikesEggnogUnderMistletoe · 09/12/2008 21:02

Your husband might be a bit lazy by not helping at home, but that's a lot better than you (even just seriously thinking about it) at the moment. So sort yourself out first - I doubt you're as perfect as you think you are. We all have annoying habits. Contact Relate or someone similar and see if you can't save your marriage. If no hope whatsoever (and from where I'm sitting your marriage doesn't sound horrible at all, annoying sometimes if anything), do the decent thing.

shitehawk · 09/12/2008 21:07

That's the second one of these threads today.

Put some effort into your own marriage. Sort out your lazy husband, tidy him up so that you might have a chance of fancying him again, put some spice back into the relationship.

Or if it won't work, then end the relationship before you start another. Oh, but that wouldn't have quite the same frisson of naughtiness, would it.

Grow up.

WifeandMotherof4 · 09/12/2008 21:09

Just for the record, even when i am most in love I have the capacity to stray and never have. This I put down to the fact that I am never in a situation where I could. I am not a raging slapper but ply me with the right evening, the right arguement with DH, a friendly ear, nice surroundings, flattering company and I couldn't say I wouldn't respond when 'he' leaned in for a kiss. I hope I wouldn't but.....if I weren't there then it wouldn't happen.

WifeandMotherof4 · 09/12/2008 21:10

ooops, that was supposed to be on the 'married woman/single man in flat thread'..... however it sort of works!!!

andlipsticktoo · 09/12/2008 21:10

NO NO NO! Don't do it!

It will only complicate matters further.

You must get some counseling with your dh, and spice up your life with HIM a bit.

The fact that he is a fantastic dad to your dcs is worth a bit of effort to rectify your marriage isn't it?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 09/12/2008 21:13

lol at wifeandmother

tinseltot · 10/12/2008 16:14

Defo not worth risking your family and your career prospects over. It would be a hugely stupid, short sighted and selfish thing to do.

Instead why not get hubby a cock ring with a clit banger attachment for his xmas present and get a bit of fizzle back in your marriage.

Zebraa · 10/12/2008 16:30

Don't do it. Two reasons:-

  1. He WILL find out - whether he catches you out, someone else catches you out or you feel so full of guilt you tell him youself - truth comes out in the end.
  1. Surely you love your family enough to not do that to them and their Father?

The fact that you are considering it means you really need to have a heart-to-heart with your husband. You must have been happy once? Figure out what went wrong and how you can rebuild that. If not, then go your separate ways.

purpleduckUnderTheMistletoe · 10/12/2008 16:48

Wow, am I glad that my dh considered me an "equal partner" even though I have not contributed as much financially for the last 10 years. Luckily a persons worth is seldom realted to their earning power.
A partnership means each person contributing, in many different ways according to their strengths.

Shame.

Judy1234 · 10/12/2008 16:51

"by gawd their are plenty of married women out their having affairs." and they virtually never admit to other women. I think it's about 25% who do but that doesn't make it right or easy or sensible to do it.

Also check your employment contract. Often they prohibit inter-company sex which might mean you'll be out of a job.

bran · 10/12/2008 16:53

I agree with what lots of people have said re your relationship with your DH. But you should also consider that everybody at your work will know. It always gets out.

DeckHallsWithFIMBOughsofHolly · 10/12/2008 16:55

Get someone to look after your dc overnight and have a sexy night in with your DH

knockedgymnast · 10/12/2008 19:23

To the OP, if you did decide to have a fling with this work colleague, why are you using your husband as an excuse to do it? You clearly thought he was sponging off of you etc, before this other man came on the scene. Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? Using the excuse of wanting your kids to be stable and liking the in-laws makes you even more of a traitor.

Get divorced then you are free to do what you want but if the sex is shit with this other man, who will have the laugh?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2008 19:31

I am pmsl at tinseltot's content delivered in a completely deadpan way.

I'm lovin' it.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 10/12/2008 19:33

what is this cock ring with clitbanger of which you speak?

purely for research purposes, you see

I am sure my marriage would be a hell of a lot more interesting with that piece of apparatus.

evenmoremiserablethanbefore · 10/12/2008 19:47

the cock rings are crap...specially if your hubby has a big nob.
now a rampant rabbit is the business or the rosebud .....oooooooooooh