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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend and boss should not have disclosed this information....

43 replies

Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:10

right my best friend is also my boss.
I attended my fisrt meeting in my new role yesterday, there were 7 people present, one male. We were talking about a delicate problem experienced by a resident and she highlighted that as i suffered from the same problem maybe i was best placed to talk to her. This was done with much smirking and jolliment as if somehow my problem is funny. I had to laugh along as quite frankly i didn't know how to react. She then said perhpas clinet should go to doctors as there are thinks like physio to help aren't there jo, cue more smirking and laughter. Nobody else seemed to find it at all funny, think they were embaressed as i was, it is of a highly delicate nature and a consequence of having four children, including twins and a 11 lb baby

I have to say on reflection I am i have every right to be don't I?

OP posts:
BouncingTinsel · 09/12/2008 10:12

Yep!
I would be and at this - she should never have brought it up.
How unprofessional of her!

FarmerChristmas · 09/12/2008 10:12

Darn right you do!

I'll do a on your behalf GRRRRRR

Itsjustsorandom · 09/12/2008 10:13

yanbu - will you talk to her about what she said?

flowerytaleofNewYork · 09/12/2008 10:13

YANBU, how unprofessional and also mean.

Lizzylou · 09/12/2008 10:13

YANBU, I would be livid

Gorionine · 09/12/2008 10:13

Yanbu how undelicate of her. As your best friend she should certainly have known better not to put you on the spot.

chequersandroastedchestnuts · 09/12/2008 10:14

Horrible, is she on a power trip or something?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:15

I am not feeling emotionally very strong at them moment so don't feel in a good place to talk about it with her...think i'm going to sit on it. it makes me cross as she is my friend and i am incredibly careful about what i say and how i behvae in relation to her at work.

OP posts:
PingpingsatonSantasface · 09/12/2008 10:15

YANBU!

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:15

Chequers am sad to think that may be the case but it could be

OP posts:
Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/12/2008 10:16

Bugger me!

Completely out of order and i would call her on it. Can you speak to her alone in work on a proffesional basis and highlight how inapropriate this was?

I think you need to get the boundaries straight, ie personal relationship is absolutely not to be brought into the workplace.
Would your "friend" have thought it appropriate to behave like this in a social setting. This sort of incident sounds rather spiteful and needs to be nipped in the bud.

goldFAQinsenceandmyrrh · 09/12/2008 10:16
  • Quad that's awful!! I would be bloody livid.
TheCrackFox · 09/12/2008 10:17

YANBU. If she is your friend I would hate to think how she treats her enemies.

You need to have a chat with her about this and tell her how upset she has made your feel.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/12/2008 10:17

professional

flowerytaleofNewYork · 09/12/2008 10:17

I do think you need to address it with her. If you're not feeling up to doing that would you consider writing to her and explaining how you feel about it, to make sure you get your point across?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:18

I honestly just don't feel i can broach it, i will just blub

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:18

I honestly just don't feel i can broach it, i will just blub

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:19

I guess i could email her, though this would then mena she would come to me and cue much awkwardness, i hinestly just don't need it at them moment, am so cross though

OP posts:
snorkle · 09/12/2008 10:28

That was horrid of her - are you sure you want to keep her as a friend?

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:31

I feel like it has made me question things a bit, but as In said she is my boss, makes things a tad difficult, i could do with just distancing myself for a bit

OP posts:
Uriel · 09/12/2008 10:31

I would mention it to her (email) and also HR.

Inappropriate thing to say with either her professional or friend hat on.

broguemum · 09/12/2008 10:34

YANBU. This is highly inappropriate behaviour from a boss let alone a friend. Don't really know what you can do about it apart from distance yourself from her but still somehow try to let her know how deeply hurt you are. Anyone with an ounce of empathy would NOT have done what she did. Unbelievable.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/12/2008 10:37

I wouldn't email her. Written words can be interpreted in completely the wrong way and you need to have an open discussion about it. Involving HR would inflame things i think. It is one incident and although it is out of order it's not a case of workplace bullying at the moment.

A discussion doesn't have to be contentious or upsetting. You could say something like " can i ask you not to mention any personal details about me again? I know you didn;t mean any harm but i felt quite uncomfortable about it." and then move on to discuss something completely unrelated but about work.
So in other words, mention it almost in passing.

If you sit on it this will fester and would probably come out in a bit if an explosion one day. So much easier to deal with it now.

Idrankthechristmasspirits · 09/12/2008 10:38

of not if. WTF is wrong with me today!

Ronaldinhio · 09/12/2008 10:44

I don't know what you and the resident's problem is (dense) but you must speak with your boss and tell her how you feel.

If she is your friend it is important, if she is your boss it is important.

Anything that makes you embarassed and uncomfortable at work should be addressed immediately to prevent a reoccurance.

Perhaps she's as thick as she's long

yanbu