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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend and boss should not have disclosed this information....

43 replies

Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 10:10

right my best friend is also my boss.
I attended my fisrt meeting in my new role yesterday, there were 7 people present, one male. We were talking about a delicate problem experienced by a resident and she highlighted that as i suffered from the same problem maybe i was best placed to talk to her. This was done with much smirking and jolliment as if somehow my problem is funny. I had to laugh along as quite frankly i didn't know how to react. She then said perhpas clinet should go to doctors as there are thinks like physio to help aren't there jo, cue more smirking and laughter. Nobody else seemed to find it at all funny, think they were embaressed as i was, it is of a highly delicate nature and a consequence of having four children, including twins and a 11 lb baby

I have to say on reflection I am i have every right to be don't I?

OP posts:
Itsjustsorandom · 09/12/2008 10:46

would cross her off your friend list. Does she have a boss? If she does then say that next time she gives out your personal info -
you will make a written complaint.

thenewme · 09/12/2008 10:48

Completely uncalled for.

I would complain to her boss tbh.

Don't email her. Cut her off until it is sorted.

unavailable · 09/12/2008 10:49

I think it was mean and done to belittle you in front of work colleagues. No-one could have done this thinking it was harmless and/or funny.

The fact that you dont feel able to talk to her about it also suggests your relationship isnt really one of equals and "best friends." Sorry to hear how bad this is making you feel - but really she should be the one feeling horrid and ashamed of herself.

onebatmotherofgoditschilly · 09/12/2008 10:56

gosh, that is just unbelievable! You poor thing.

It would have been as cruel if she'd done the same in a social situation, but the fact that it was said in a professional capacity is absolutely outrageous.

Does she try to humiliate you in other ways, or is this the first time she's behaved like this?

MavisG · 09/12/2008 11:00

If you think you'll cry, can you talk to her somewhere private? Go out for coffee somewhere discreet or book a meeting room on a different floor (and take your coat so you can go straight out for a walk after)? Or go for a drink after work.

I don't think it matters if you cry in front of her because she is your friend as well as your boss and if she weren't she wouldn't necessarily have known about your problem in detail anyway, but you don't need anyone else seeing. And I think that as she's crossed the friendship-boss line, you need to address her as both friend and boss yourself. Highlight how much effort you put in to keeping things professional.

I agree that you need to talk to her as soon as possible, even though it's very hard. It will fester and upset you even more otherwise.

Best of luck
x

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 11:04

Thanks for all your responses, yes she has made commnets in the past that have crossed the line hadn't really thought about it but she has.
I'm on the edge of an emotional breakdown though, my exp has recently moved out after 10 years together and i just don't feel strong enough to handle any kind of discussion, I'm just not. i really feel like phoning in sick but don't get paid if i'm off so have to go in. i know you are all right just don't know how i'm going to find the strength to do it

OP posts:
Quattrocento · 09/12/2008 11:05

Gosh that's appalling. I am sorry. Yes agree you should discuss it calmly and rationally. You could stick it in a note if it upsets you.

thenewme · 09/12/2008 11:08

I wouldn't go to the friend. I would go to her boss and write it in a note if you can't speak about it.

jeee · 09/12/2008 11:13

You are NOT BU. She, on the other hand, is a bully. I can't think of ANY situation where she should have said what she did.

combustiblelemon · 09/12/2008 11:33

She's really not a friend if she did that to you . It's not like she mentioned verrucas. She's also an awful boss. Bringing up highly personal medical information about an employee in a group situation is something that should be reported to HR. It's even worse that she did this at a time when you're feeling emotionally fragile, something that as a friend she's probably aware of.

LoveBeingAMummyKissingSanta · 09/12/2008 11:56

You have every right to be upset this is completly out of order. By doing this in her role as boss she has broken the data protection laws that are there stop this sort of thing.

You need to tell her, whether its face to face, by e-mail or phone.

blueshoes · 09/12/2008 11:57

OMG . Words fail me. If you cannot talk to her about it now. Just write it down. Including the date, time and exactly what she said. Follow up once you are stronger. Speak to HR. Perhaps they could speak to her.

Is her doing such a thing in keeping with her character? Sounds absolutely bizarre.

onepieceofbrusselssprout · 09/12/2008 12:02

She has utterly betrayed your trust. I really feel for you, and am so sorry to hear that you have other stuff going on as well.

You already have plenty of advice on here, so I will just say that I wish you strength in however you deal with it, and hope you find support from other true friends.

onebatmotherofgoditschilly · 09/12/2008 12:02

that's a good idea, blueshoes.

Sorry you're having such a rough time, quadrophenia. If you're not feeling very bullish at the moment, blueshoes idea might make you feel as though you were taking a degree of control, without putting yourself under greater stress. You could then deal with it when you felt a little more bullish.

I hope things improve for you very soon.

Swedes · 09/12/2008 14:04

Quadrophenia - How unpleasant for you. What a horrible way to treat a friend. In the workplace harassment and bullying are absolutely not tolerated.

HairyToe · 09/12/2008 14:09

Has she got children? Is it possible she's jealous of yours? Not an excuse just wondering if there's somr kind of insecurity going on there.

Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 15:38

Thanks for all your responses....she is quite bolshy and often doesn't seem to engage her brain before she speaks but as it was two seperate instincies in one meeting I feel like it was a bit different to a slip of the tongue.
I do feel that she has totally betrayed our friendship and my trust in her, the only ends being to humiliate me, i keywork the resident in question so all she had to say was as her keyorker can you have a chat.. and then prehaps in private tell me i could mention my experiences.
All you advice has certainly given me food for thought, so am thinking...will definately make note of time, date etc, thanks for the support

OP posts:
Original poster
Quadrophenia · 09/12/2008 15:39

hairy toe she has two children

OP posts:
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