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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I don't want "my life back", I want it to be"taken over" again.

32 replies

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:33

Here I am. 37, 2 children, 1 girl and 1 boy and consensus (husband, family, friends) seem to agree that I should just get on with things and not expect to have another child. "you've done your bit" they say, "time to think of your career", they say, "you are too old now", "you wouldn't survive the sleep deprivation again", "time to move on".
Well, I can't move on. Call me selfish, masochist, whatever you want, but I constantly think about having another baby, growing it inside me, going through another birth (this might sound crazy to some, but the births of my 2 children are the two greatest moments in my life!)... and then, think of the cuddles, breast-feeding, nurturing, smiling and pure love of discovering your new born.
Am I being unreasonable? Or do I need therapy? My broodiness is verging on obsessiveness but nothing else in my life seems to be worth doing. Am I normal???

OP posts:

theramones · 07/12/2008 22:36

Who are they to say that you need to concentrate on a career. People all over the world have babies at your age.

thisisyesterday · 07/12/2008 22:37

of course you're normal! does your husband not want more? have you discussed it with him?

you don't "have" to move on with your life if what you want is more children but obv it's a problem if your husband definitely doesn't want more

alicet · 07/12/2008 22:37

OK so this is nobody's business apart from you and your dh. So f*ck what the rest of them think.

What does he say? Have you told him just how much you really want another?

luvlydECMOrations · 07/12/2008 22:37

I went through this after having DC3. I had not really been broody with the others and thought I had finished. I then got obsessively broody when dc3 was 1. I did go on to have number 4. I think if its what you want and you dh is supportive you should go for it and ignore other peoples remarks.

expatinscotland · 07/12/2008 22:37

i just had my 3rd at 37.

people are talking bollocks.

it's YOUR life.

if your partner's amenable, go for it.

alicet · 07/12/2008 22:39

I think it very funny that people who have one of each get the whole 'why would you do it again - you already have one of each' thing whereas me with 2 ds's gets the 'when are you going to try for a girl?'

Er, never, because 2 is enough, there are no guarantee we would get a girl anyway since you cannot preorder.

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:39

To most people, jobs or even hobbies and social activities seem to be more important than having children. Most of my friends are happy to leave the "small kids" years behind and either get back to work or move on to something else. I just feel like I can't because there is nothing more important to me at this point in my life.

OP posts:

SixSpotBurnet · 07/12/2008 22:39

completely understand - I had DS3 at the age of 39 and I don't regret it in the slightest

he has made our family complete and we all love him to bits

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:42

... and no, DH is not keen on another baby because he likes his little home comforts too much and likes children when they can talk and interact a bit more, he says.
But then, he was fab when our 2 were babies...

OP posts:

ScottishMummy · 07/12/2008 22:42

have you objectively tried to discuss with dh.is it financially achievable,why does dh say no

best case scenario - would you both cope (financially etc.) why would it be so good

worst case scenario - what wpuld happen if you didn't

you are a couple you need to discuss and explore this.deeply personalise

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:43

Oh SSB, thaht's beautiful. I wish we will get to number 3 and feel the same. AT the moment, if I was pregnant, I don't know how I would react since DH is not clear about it!

OP posts:

aGalChangedHerName · 07/12/2008 22:43

I had my ds's who were 13 and 9 and i was soooo broody. Went on and had the dd's who are now 4 and 2.

Life is wonderful (mostly)

I have never regretted it for a second.

duchesse · 07/12/2008 22:46

37 is a mere spring chicken. Ignore the naysayers and go with your heart, say I.

I may not be the most reliable witness on this though, as here I am at 40 (nearly 41, eek!) still trying really, after over 5 years of failing to get number 4.

ALovelySongbirdInaPearTree · 07/12/2008 22:47

i dread the thought atm of another baby.
so i would say if your looking forward to all those things go for it, it will be a very lucky baby indeed.
funny enough i had a disagrement with a friend friday niht who said the cut of point for having children is 35, because i said if i do want another it will be in man y many years time.
some people aare too nosey.

i think you will do great.

thisisyesterday · 07/12/2008 22:48

you need to tell him exactly how you feel, and how much you want a baby.
my dp is similar in that he doesn't really enjoy the whole pregnancy/birth thing, and he really enjoys the children more when they're older.

we had long discussions before having ds2 about WHY I wanted a baby, and why he didn't. I obviously managed to assuage his fears because we had ds2, and are now pg with a third.

but you need to tell him how strongly you feel about it.

thumbElf · 07/12/2008 22:48

I have a friend who was in this situation - she had her DS and her DD and when her DD was about 2, she started to get broody again - DH was not keen, quite happy with the family unit as it was, too complex (car size, travel costs, schooling etc.) to have a 3rd. She eventually managed to talk him round and had a DS2 just after her DD's 4th birthday. NOW of course he is delighted with his family and agrees that, although he didn't really know it at the time, his family unit wasn't conplete until DS2 was born. Then he had the snip to make sure there were no more!

And 37 is not too old, what rot. I had my DS at 40 and am in process of trying for DC2 now.

Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:50

That's great, aGalChangedHerName. Sometimes, if you think too much about money, new car, space arrangements and so on, you just don't get to have another child.
I feel an emptiness in me all the time. Yet, I have 2 wonderful, healthy, funny DCs and I love them to bits

OP posts:

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:56

Thisisyesterday, you seemed to have it all sorted out! Well done!!
DH needed lots and lots of convincing for number 1 (we had to go to counselling and it was really heart breaking but he eventually conceded), but then, he agreed pretty quickly for number 2 saying that our DD would need a playmate (and he was right, they do play a lot together!).
I had a m/c back in March (empty egg) but I know he felt relieved as he didn't really want another child.
Now, he is OK some days and other days he says we should just be happy with our lot.

OP posts:

Original poster

supadoula · 07/12/2008 22:57

Duchesse, good luck! dum spiro, spero!

OP posts:

OLIVIASMAMA · 07/12/2008 23:05

My DD arrived 6 days before my 41st birthday and I hope she's not the last. Your definately not too old.

See what happens, we never know whats around that next corner, good luck.

secretgarden · 07/12/2008 23:11

i had my ds 7 years ago and decided that was it. became really broody last year june and the only thing on my mind was having another one, though dh took some convincing as he though we were too settled. dd is 7 months now and we all love her to bits and can't imagine life without her. really enjoyed the pregnancy this time around and feel a lot more calm and settled than i did previously. ds is brilliant with her as well and really pleased to have a sister. do wish that we didn't waste 7 years as i would have loved to have 3... (dh is looking over my shoulder
and crossing his legs )

carolthechristmasfairy · 07/12/2008 23:11

I hope it happens for you.

SantaKLAWs · 07/12/2008 23:12

I will be 42 in 2 months and am terified that I will not get my third child. Dp is working too hard and not up for bd, so i can't force him and fear that I won't have the chance to have another, which is what my heart desires. Others will try to tell me to be thankful and get on with life............

OLIVIASMAMA · 07/12/2008 23:22

I'm 42 Santa - I don't think we're "past it" yet - my friend had her DD at 43, she looks absolutely gorgeous too, her DD will be 1 during December.

SantaKLAWs · 07/12/2008 23:41

thanks Oliviasmama, but it's hard to remain positive when we're not even bd let alone ttc....

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