Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not want my MIL for christmas AGAIN!!!!

74 replies

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:06

This christmas we were looking forward to a nice quiet family time. Just me, DP,DS and DD (it'll be her first christmas).

For the last 2 christmas's my MIL has been to stay for 2 weeks (we live in different countries) with her friend. The first year she came was stressful. She basically took over everything. She made xmas dinner her way, at the time she wanted it. Opening presents was done how she usually did it, after breakfast etc.....in my family we alwys did presents first. I basically couldnt relax in my own home. Couldnt watch what I wanted on tele. Had no control over anything.
Last year I told DP that as I was heavily pregnant with DD I wanted a quiet xmas and no house guests. MIL invited herself anyway and DP didnt stand up to her so she ended up staying again. It caused untold problems between us and I cried for days mourning my perfect xmas just the 3 of us.

This year we decided that we definately wanted it on our own so to avoid arguement DP told MIL that my mum was coming to stay.

So we just assumed that was it we had finally got the day to ourself. MIL arrived yesterday for the week to bring xmas gifts etc. Tonight she commented that she couldnt wait to see DS's face when he opened his presents. She then told DP that her and her friend have booked to come over for xmas . DP said she couldnt....my mum was coming. MIL said ,"I dont mind."
DP is fuming.

She said she's coming regardless. I'm and .

What do I have to do to get a bloody quiet xmas without my interfering MIL.

OP posts:

choosyfloosy · 07/12/2008 22:41

I'm sitting here having today had my father invite himself for Christmas Day... but I'm much nastier than you as we haven't had him to stay for over 18 months after 3 just awful days at Easter 2007 (I know that's crap). I can't really blame him for feeling he should be able to come to me, but also I am going to have to put him off as dh simply refuses to be here with him.

am i right in thinking that you don't yet officially know she is coming? If so, turn to her now and say 'what are you doing for christmas this year?' with big smile. put her on the spot maybe. got to get it into the open somehow.

i wouldn't lie about your mum being with you if you can avoid it.

lizziebeth · 07/12/2008 22:41

Oh you have my sympathy. I have a very very similar MIL.

Much as you want to tell her straight now, I do think you need DP on board before you approach her with this.

Only because it could cause a real rift between the your DP and you.

How does he feel about you bringing it up?

alicet · 07/12/2008 22:42

FiveDollarShake I do feel for you. Like I said I am not sure I would have the courage to confront this.

What did your dh say? Would he stand up to her?

If you can't grin and bear it (and I don't blame you) then one of you does need to tell her. If you keep letting her get away with it she may never realise that what she is doing is so out of order

BibiJesus · 07/12/2008 22:42

What's the worst that could happen? She's get uppity/upset and leave.

Just start the convo with "so, about Christmas, DP HAS told you you can' come this year hasn't he? I'm sorry about your flights, but if you'd checked first..."

scrooged · 07/12/2008 22:43

Just tell her you are all going to your mums this year as you have spent the last 2 christmases with her. You don't have to go but she doesn't know that!

scrooged · 07/12/2008 22:43

could you not have a 'houseful of diarhhoea and vomiting' a few days before? this should put her off.

bellaBuonNatalevita · 07/12/2008 22:43

Bibi - that's sounds like a good way of approaching it.

alicet · 07/12/2008 22:44

Off to bed now - good luck either with resolving this or putting up with her at Christmas...

lizziebeth · 07/12/2008 22:44

Actually you know what, you could always bring it up after she's left the house (over the phone). So much easier and less awkward than when she's staying the night.

bellaBuonNatalevita · 07/12/2008 22:44

Perhaps you could leave your computer/laptop open on this thread..........

ilovemydog · 07/12/2008 22:45

You really need to get your DP to deal with it. It's his mother.

Although not as bad as yours, the bil and sil, after inviting the mil for xmas, suddenly decided they 'don't do Christmas' and disinvited the mil!

So, it was either invite her here or she would spend it alone....

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:48

I've only briefly sploken to DP about it....in hushed voices hiding in the kitchen!

He was fuming. I said, "Oh please!!!No!"
And he said, " The cheeky cow is NOT coming!"

Im just worried he'll crumble as he calms down. We'll have to chat about it when we go to bed...again in hushed voices!!

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 07/12/2008 22:49

is she going to leave you lots of money when she dies?

if so, might be worth your while putting up with her.

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:49

Spoken not 'sploken'!

OP posts:

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:51

Expat....yes a house....

OP posts:

Ivykaty44 · 07/12/2008 22:52

Go away for a last minute break for the week up to Christmas and return on Boxing day for your dh to go to work?

Make sure you book to go away next year aswell

expatinscotland · 07/12/2008 22:53

i don't know about you, and this sounds pretty mercenary, but hey ho desperate times call for desperate measures and we're private renters for life barring a miracle, but i'd put up with Beelzebub if there were a house involved, to be quite frank.

ilovemydog · 07/12/2008 22:56

why hushed voices? Is she in the next room?

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:57

Expat....we're private renters also and have little hope of getting on the property ladder at the moment so I know where you're coming from. But she could be here for another 20 bloody years! By which time me and DP would have split up because he cant stand up to his mother and I would have developed a drink problem!

OP posts:

lizziebeth · 07/12/2008 22:58

Aside from xmas day, is she generally the kind of person who bulldozes her way into getting what she wants all year round?

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 22:59

ilovemydog....yes she sleeps in the next room! No nookie either FGS!

OP posts:

Original poster

FiveDollarShake · 07/12/2008 23:01

Lizzie....yes,complete control freak. Wants everything her way all the time.

OP posts:

lizziebeth · 07/12/2008 23:05

Um thought so, Five dollar.

Maybe you two should get your heads together tonight to come up with a firm but nicely-worded explanation that she cannot stay this year. Do reckon DP should be the one to deliver the message.

(We have been through this with own MIL, and DH has very strained relationship with her now, not really on speaking terms anymore, - v difficult situation, particularly when grandchildren involved)

LilyMayPlumpington · 07/12/2008 23:17

Why can't you just tell her that yes she can come for Christmas - but it will be done your way? Or am I being too simplistic?

purpleduck · 07/12/2008 23:26

Does she have anyone else to go to?
If not, then sorry, I think it would be mean to not have her.

Also, you want your dh to have enough backbone to tell her she can't come, but why don't you both - together- stand firm and have things the way you like?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread