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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my MIL let me play with my DC alone?

38 replies

christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:22

I have been ill with a nasty bug, my PIL have been staying at my house to help out - very kindly. MY DD had a party today and this was their main reason for coming - so that MIL could help DH with this as I was too ill.

Anyway, they come back from the party and DD wants to open her gifts - we all sit down and watch her open them, take photos, ohh and ahh - MIL sits on the edge of the sofa, ready to pounce in case I get too close.
Then DD wants to play with a present she got and offer to do it with her. We sit at the kitchen table - MIL sit down to and glares at we do the activity - sticking her beak in every 2 minutes with (un) helpful advice.It dawned on me that MIL does not like me to play with my DC in her presence.

AIBU to think she should bog off and let me spend time with DD - after all I have been ill and want to make up for it and she has just been to DD's party - BooHoo.

OP posts:
littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 18:25

Is she always like this or is she being ott because she knows your not well and doesn't want you to think she's not willing to help out and do all she can iyswim?

compo · 07/12/2008 18:26

yabu

sounds like she did you a favour

you ask her to help out because you are ill and then when she does you complain

'MIL sits on the edge of the sofa, ready to pounce in case I get too close' - you sound a bit paranoid to be honest!

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:28

littleboyblue

She is always like this - it has just dawned on me that it is because she is jealous.

OP posts:
youmaynotlikethis · 07/12/2008 18:30

yabu be greatfull

DoubleBluff · 07/12/2008 18:30

you sound very ungraateful

prettybutterfly · 07/12/2008 18:32

This sounds like a drip-feeder. Am sure we'll get lots more info eventually.

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:32

I am grateful.

OP posts:
youmaynotlikethis · 07/12/2008 18:33

maybe then you should stop thinking you can pick and chose when u want mil to help/play she prob doesnt realise you dont need her now ur feeling better/sounds like she is being used

TheFallenMadonna · 07/12/2008 18:33

Might she just be making the most of her time with her grandaughter?

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:33

I just want to spend 10 minutes with DD on her special day with a commentator in the background.

OP posts:
littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 18:33

Oh. Don't really know what to say then.
I never get a look in with my ds if his grandad is around (but I don't mind).
Don't take this wrong, not meaning to sound harsh or rude, but if this has just dawned on you now, is it at all possible that maybe your feelings are a bit up in the air from being ill and maybe you are holding some resentment that she got to do the party and you didn't (if I've read OP right).
If not, just talk to her about it, tell her how you feel and maybe plan days with you, her and dc but make it clear you are the mum and she is the grandparent (i have to remind my dad sometimes!)
Or speak to your dc's dad? How would he react to this?

pamelat · 07/12/2008 18:34

Oh dear.

Maybe she was trying to give you a break to recover?

Maybe you are slightly paranoid? I can see why and sometimes I have felt similar but my MIL now makes a big thing of asking my DD (11 months) "Where is mummy?" which helps me. I think I had a lot of insecurities in my (new) role as a mum.

Or maybe she really is nuts and vindictive?!! In which case, don't worry your DD knows who is mummy.

ComeWhineWithMe · 07/12/2008 18:34

You sound like you have overdone it on the lemsip .

I would be so grateful if someone came and looked after my dc while I was ill instead I have to manage alone because my MIL does not give a shit.

If she had refused to come and help out you probably would have posted on here moaning about it.

wheresthehamster · 07/12/2008 18:35

I think you're over thinking it. Unless there's more that we don't know.

littleboyblue · 07/12/2008 18:35

x-posted with all of that. Must have been hard to not be with dd on her birthday. Just talk to MIL, she'll understand, she is a mother herself.

pamelat · 07/12/2008 18:36

Do you get many days alone with DD? How old is she?

At the moment I get Monday - Friday alone with DD and worry that I may get a bit "possessive" when she goes to nursery

x

prettybutterfly · 07/12/2008 18:36

You may be giving mixed messages without realising it?
One minute it's I need you and the next it's back off!

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:43

Prehaps I am giving mixed messages but TBH I'd rather not have their help if she acts like this. I have no problem with her spending time with my DC but I think in these curcumstaces she could have backed off for a bit. My DD is 7 and I don't think I do spend enough time with her.

OP posts:
Gorionine · 07/12/2008 18:46

I think prettybutterfly might have a point.

pamelat · 07/12/2008 18:48

What does your DH think?

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:52

He just laughs and changes the subject.

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 07/12/2008 18:54

Do you work?

After DD, I went back to work full-time and I found it very difficult to come home and find MIL playing wonderfully with DD (when they were visiting - not every day!)

I behaved very badly, because sub-consciously I felt that she was having more / better quality time with my baby.

I dropped to part-time after DS, and was then more than happy for her to get in there and play with them

Original poster
christmaself · 07/12/2008 18:56

No, don't work but time seems so limited when she is at school and I have another DC and am pregnant (spend lots of time resting due to exhaustion)

OP posts:
Lockets · 07/12/2008 19:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 07/12/2008 19:08

Does it have to be a competition? Can't you just all play together?