to expect my MIL let me play with my DC alone?

[christmaself]

I have been ill with a nasty bug, my PIL have been staying at my house to help out - very kindly. MY DD had a party today and this was their main reason for coming - so that MIL could help DH with this as I was too ill.

Anyway, they come back from the party and DD wants to open her gifts - we all sit down and watch her open them, take photos, ohh and ahh - MIL sits on the edge of the sofa, ready to pounce in case I get too close.
Then DD wants to play with a present she got and offer to do it with her. We sit at the kitchen table - MIL sit down to and glares at we do the activity - sticking her beak in every 2 minutes with (un) helpful advice.It dawned on me that MIL does not like me to play with my DC in her presence.

AIBU to think she should bog off and let me spend time with DD - after all I have been ill and want to make up for it and she has just been to DD's party - BooHoo.

Do you generally get on with MIL?

I was very much at arm's length with mine pre-kids, then it got more difficult as she (obviously!) wanted to be involved with them, particularly when they were tiny.

I think we get on OK now, though we will never be best friends. I stole her little boy

If you do generally get on with her, maybe you are feeling a bit sub-consciously worried about how your relationship with DD will be affected by the new baby?

Maybe this is about you feeling you dont spend enough time with her, full stop.

Maybe MIL is just...

• happy to see her grandaughter
• wanting to help
• worried you not strong enough and DD will wear you out
• used to days when big families lived together and spent time as a group
• was as excited as you about seeing her playing with her new toys

obviously I dont know her but I am completely that you have any help at all from grandparents. My DS has one dead grandad, one dead grandmother, a grandfather that is doolaly and lives hundreds of miles away and another grandmother who doesnt give a sh*t.

Let her have her moment, you can have lots of yours when she goes home....

Agree with manky mummy!

This sounds like its more to do with you feeling like you don't spend enough time with her rather than a problem with you mil

I think you come across as rather unreasonable - after all, she could be like this

You come accross as being unreasonable.

agree manky, well put. You cant expect her to help at the party and then push off cos you want to play with DD. Very unreasonable.

didnt mean to sound so harsh if you pg and also not feeling well though...

I don't get this notion that mil should have left you alone.

You are all family and your dd is a part of the family as is your mil. Why should it occur to your mil to let you and dd play alone - this is a child wanting to play with new toys, not a couple who need some time "alone".

Sorry but yabu totally.

I think that despite a grandmas relationship with a grandchild, the mother/daughter bond is so important on birthdays (if you think of what you are actually celebrating) that some time alone is a requirement.

I would imagine that I would want some time out with my DD on her bday, even if its just half an hour in the park, in the bath etc.

A party though isn't really the right place for time out.

A mother/daughter bond should be strong enough not to get jealous of Grandma.

Possibly a Tad unreasonable imo.
I would love to have my MIL fussing over DD for a while, but she lives in USA not not likely.

You get her to yourself most of the time, she is your DD, nothing wrong with spreading some happiness around, and accepting help when you are poorly. You can't expect help with giving something more back.

Thanks for replies!