To be upset with my mum (with me it is usually mil)?

[ComeOVeneer]

Every year my parents do a round robin with their christmas card (I know I know mn think they are naff (and so do I), but they have friends and family all over the worl a lot of whom this is the only contact each year.)

Anyway we recieved it today and one sentence reads "grandaughte's name (ie my dd) did her first ballet recital this year, and whilst she is no natural she seems to enjoy it" . Now I am fully aware dd is no prima ballerina, but she is almost 7 and can read and this has gone out to everyone we know. Do you think I am over-reacting to this or am I justified in being hurt?

Have they all been sent?

Well the first thing I'd query was why on earth your parents are sending their daughter the round robin at all...

Beacuase it is easier to put one into every envelope, and the children like seeing them (usually )because they have load of photos on off them and their cousins etc.

A bit insensitive. Quick, tactful phone call to mum is indicated.

perhaps she didn't want to sound like a gloating grandmother? so played it down in a clumsy way..?

No point in caling her, they will all have been posted at the same time.

Oh dear.

Yes, there is a point in calling her though, to make sure she doesn't do it next year!

ComeOVeneer, I would be upset too, seems a bit cruel to say that about a 7 yr old

hope she doesn't see it?

don't let her see it

Trouble is I will end up getting all emmotional on the phone, not good with confrontation with my mother as it happens so rarely. TBH I was very surprisedto read it as she never does stuff like that where the grandchildren are concerned.

She has already seen it, I was in the shower when the post arrived and dh let her see it before he read it. She asked dh what it meant "not a natural" so he explained. She was quite upset (dh didn't realise why she was asking or he would have bluffed it). Fortunatley we had a lovley day out today and a magical trip to see FC this evening so she seems to have forgotten about it. I however am getting more annoyed the more I think about it.

Im going to have to call her aren't I, or else will probably fume about it. Best to get it over with before we go down there for chrismas!

Sorry for you and dd, that is a crappy thing to happen

Maybe try and be 'chipper' about it? (with dd, if the subject comes up again) Or down-play it a bit?

Sorry if being unhelpful/insensitive

YANBU, I'd be seriously annoyed. Call and tell her your daughter's reaction. And see if she can think of some way to lighten the situation. It's the type of thing my MIL would do, not meaning to be horrible but totally insensitive

I agree that it is hurtful and I would be royally pissed off and upset for my dd - but I don't expect that she meant to be mean.

No I know se didn't say it to be mean, she isn't like that, that is why it is so upsetting, as it is so out of character.

Am tempted to email her rather than phone, soI can remain unemmotional and get my point across. Good or bad idea?

It does sound like a very lame attempt at being humorous. Possibly your mum is amazingly proud but finds expressing it hard.

Always better to speak. Email is just as hard to interpret as your Round Robin, potentially. Also, it's slow. You need a quick chat where you can make sure your mum doesn't have any time to get the wrong idea and then stew about it.

True, guess I am just wimping out of what basicallt amountsto critising my parents, hencethe reason to email. They will be in bed by now so guess I will bite the bullet and call them tomorrow.

YANBU - I would be livid.

BUT - I personally would just leave it go, as me and my mother do not do conflict well, and she would then try and 'make up' for it in some way, or try and explain it to DD (which would quite clearly make it worse) or go in a huff, or refuse to mention any of the grandchildren in next year's letter etc. etc.

So my advice would be - do nothing. Keep the peace. Retain the moral high ground. Next November, ask to proof read next year's letter.

Oh no, that brought tears to my eyes ...your poor daugher. She's very young to have to deal with public criticism like that. Non PC hugs to her xxx

Yes, you have to deal with it. It's easy to let it go but, mentally, you won't ever let it go. And, to be honest, as a parent I feel it's our responsibility to protect our children from hurt where possible....and a family round robin is an easy one to tackle. Why on EARTH your Mum thought it was OK to poke fun at your daughter is beyond me? Surely everyone knows that these letters are supposed to be about sharing our joy and pride? All she had to say is 'x did her first ballet recital this year and OF COURSE as proud grandparents we knew she was the best one there! She'll be a Prima Ballerina next year for sure'. Or some such.

I feel really sad for your lovely daughter who has taken it in her stride. Good for her.

You must talk to your mother. No need for a big confrontation, just a gentle "look, I feel a bit awkward about this but I have to mention that x was quite upset at your letter and, to be honest, so was I'.

Thanks for the support. I don't want to make a big deal of it but I was rathe taken aback and hurt to read it. TBH it really really is so out of character for mum. SHe isnt overly gushing grandmother, but gives praise where praise is due and loves all the grandchildren unconditionally. I have no idea why she said that, and more to the point sent it worldwide to at least 100 family and friends.

Aw for your dd! I would try really hard not to let this blow up into something big though -worse for dd if it does. Keep it hidden from her if you can and just say to your Mum you won't be showing it to her to save her feelings.

That should make her have a little think without it developing into an argument...tbh I should imagine she thought she was being funny and didn't realise how ill-judged and hurtful it was.

Why dd rather than me?