To be upset with my mum (with me it is usually mil)?

[ComeOVeneer]

Every year my parents do a round robin with their christmas card (I know I know mn think they are naff (and so do I), but they have friends and family all over the worl a lot of whom this is the only contact each year.)

Anyway we recieved it today and one sentence reads "grandaughte's name (ie my dd) did her first ballet recital this year, and whilst she is no natural she seems to enjoy it" . Now I am fully aware dd is no prima ballerina, but she is almost 7 and can read and this has gone out to everyone we know. Do you think I am over-reacting to this or am I justified in being hurt?

Saying that DD is upset will carry more weight, she might think you are just being oversensitive if she thinks it is you.

Going against the grain here, but, if your Mum is usually a kind considerate loevly woman who really cares for her grandaughter and if it is possible that this was put in meant to be humourous/flippant type way and she forgot to consider that DD may see it and its effect on her then maybe now telling your mum how upset Dd is, is actually going to really hurt your mum and just make her feel dreadful.

TBh you knwo your mum, you know her attitudes, motivations etc so you are best placed to judge whter this is an unfortunate and uncharacteristic error of judgement on her part, or an ongoing insensitive streak, and then react accordingly.

One would require quite a sharp drawing of her attention to the cosequnecs of her throw away commenst and the other would require a gentle explanation without lots of recrimination and just spreading the hurt around even more.

We can't judge I don't think, you knwo your mum.

Annnthecat, I hadn't thought of it from that point of view. ARRGGGH I certainly don't want to hurt my mum and make her feel bad, however I'm not sure I can simply let this pass. Fine if it was just a comment to one person, but typed out and passed to everyone she knows, plus (and perhaps she never contemplated this) with dd being able to read it for herself, oh I don'tknow what to do!

Maybe, leave it for a few days, let the anger subside, and then have a word. So that you're not so much on the attack, but just need to let her know what happened, so that she thinks more about this stuff next time.

If she is a loving Grandma, she could be mortified at upsetting her grandaughter.

If on the other hand, she's one of those 'I say what I think and you shouldn't all be so bloody sensitive t, including 7yr old girls' types, then give it to her with both barrels.

BTW, my mum and dad sent out a round robin aftre I got engaged saying 'ann is engaged and DF seems QUITE NICE!' (my captials and exclamation mark).

Talk about damning with faint praise. They couldn't see the problem.

I have had similar before, though about my sister. We did say something and now our Mums emails us the version first for us to vet/amend before she sends it out!
Hope your dd is not too upset She may say something to your Mum, or be a bit funny with her, anyway...?

sorry Cov - I thnk its a typically British thing - being self deprecating and not wanted to be seen showing off. I think your mother has just forgotten that its notdone to be transfer yourself-deprecation to a 7 year old and she's not thought about the fact your DD is going to read it I suspect.

I'll the kind of thoughtless thing my lovely mum is prone to doing occasionally to me but I'm big enough and ugle enough to deal with it now.

I think a gentle word in her ear to say the DD found it quite hurtful that her lack of dance brilliance was mentioned in the round robin.

oh she is definitely the former annthecat. Kew one thing I'm not unfortunately is thick skinned. BTW sorry I couldn't make it tonight, how was Mamma Mia?

I think a phone conversation starting - I know you wouldn't dream of upsetting DD but she did rather take your "not a natural" to heart...

Doesn;t matter if you get emotional -its not acrimeand presumably your mother knows you well enough to cope with it!

Kew except my mother is French (well half anyway)

caled off (to be rescheduled) as it shrank to Steppei and me and we couldn;t sing all the parts (need at least four people )

ita the british half coming out ... or alternativley the French part lacking tact .

Always good to throw in a few national stereotypes...

LOL, probably a bit of both. Oh well familys eh! Sorry to here it was called off when is it planned to be rescheduled?