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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed by this remark??

31 replies

Antdamm · 04/12/2008 14:07

My DP's sister has just had her baby last week. I was told by DP's other sister and his step mum that his sister had said a few weeks back that she was going to give her dad (my DP's dad) his first grandchild.

Dp and I had our son three years ago - so he is the first grandchild.

She has turned around and said that her kid would be the first born in wedlock!!!!!!! Does this matter anymore?? How cheeky does that sound to you?

I was very very angry, as if DP and I not being married means that DS is not a 'proper' grandchild. I have a feeling that she is going to make a big fuss, have a christening - just for the attention, no religious beliefs etc.

Im mostly annoyed about the whole - unmarried thing - the thing is that my DP was going to propose to me, but her partner was going to do it at the same time, so my DP didnt bother.

Am I being Unreasonable??

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 04/12/2008 14:09

YANBU - in fact it is very sad for your DS- are they saying he would be more special if you were married!!

Lauriefairycake · 04/12/2008 14:12

erm.... I'd be more concerned that them getting engaged put your partner off asking you

That's just ridiculous

herbietea · 04/12/2008 14:14

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hullygully · 04/12/2008 14:14

It's hilarious. Just start referring to your own ds as "the bastard" to point up how silly it is.

DesperateHousewifeToo · 04/12/2008 14:15

Ignore it.

By confronting her, you give importance to what she has said.

If it is mentioned again, just laugh it off. Life is too short..

Original poster
Antdamm · 04/12/2008 14:15

Well in a way im glad he did, his other sister got engaged about six months later and she went mental, claiming that she was stealing her thunder - yadda yadda yadda
Cue a mad dash to get married first, which ended in her getting married on a friday

It was Valentines day, loads of folk were getting engaged, but he didnt want it to be on the same day as his sister.

OP posts:
LadyGlencoraPalliser · 04/12/2008 14:16

No of course you are not unreasonable, your SIL is a complete cow to say or think that your DS is not as valid a grandchild as one born in wedlock.
Am a bit [fhm] at what you say about your partner though - I don't quite understand what you mean. Are you saying he didn't bother to propose to you because his BIL proposed to his sister at the same time. Surely the point of proposing to someone is because you want to marry them - not because of what other family members may or may not be doing?

Lizzylou · 04/12/2008 14:16

Sounds like you have bonkers SIl's tbh, pay no heed.

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 04/12/2008 14:17

yanbu.what a dumbarse comment.firstly ofcourse hes first gc.also it doesnt actually matter whos fiorst does it?

but about your dp' not bothering' comment.

hollytree · 04/12/2008 14:17

yup maybe she'd had it in her head before that they would be the first to have a child, and then it didnt happen that way so she thinks her child will be seen as less important and is trying to get round that - totally silly in any event but i have similar experiences of people feeling that the first is the most important and ones that come after are not as much.

Original poster
Antdamm · 04/12/2008 14:17

TBH his other sister told me because she has fallen out with her and we were having a bitch
She thought id already heard it because she had been going about saying it to most people (we lived in a very very small village)

OP posts:
hollytree · 04/12/2008 14:19

again i have similar experience of the whole not proposing if others in the family are - may sound silly but i can see how it might make a difference to your dp.

we had ds and dh's brother changed his wedding plans becuase he thought we were stealing his thunder by having a baby in the same summer as his wedding - totally crazy but thats what he thought.

Pruners · 04/12/2008 14:19

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TheProvincialLady · 04/12/2008 14:20

You are all a bit barmy sounding TBH. Surely you wouldn't be put off getting married because someone else was? And of course your DS is the first grandchild, though I don't get what the big deal is.

WinkyWinkola · 04/12/2008 14:22

Your DP's sister is a silly mare. Ignorant and foolish.

Would she be calling your child a bastard then? What a lovely woman.

I really wouldn't give any credence to words that come out of her mouth. Ignore her.

Not sure why your DP didn't bother to propose though.

Original poster
Antdamm · 04/12/2008 14:28

I should explain that he has a very large and complicated family. Mum, Dad Step Mum, Step Dad, Step Brothers and sisters, half brothers. One sister who he shares a mum and dad with (the bitch).

One side trying to outdo the others - namely his sister and her mum (his mum also) trying to get up the noses of his step mum and his step sister as much as possible.

If he had proposed without knowing about his sis, then he may have been forgiven, but she basically made it obvious that he was gonna propose. She has a thing about being the first to do anything. She was the first to buy a flat, get married etc. Whereas we has Ds, bought a flat and decided we'd finally get married wen we could be arsed.

Im not particularly bothered that he didnt propose, I no id be constantly battling with her and her mother to have a wedding race and have the most beautiful, expensive etec etc which i cudnt b arsed with

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 04/12/2008 14:35

Well she sounds like a right silly cow, so YANBU to be annoyed by her stupid remark, but no point letting her wind you up. If your DS has a good relationship with his (many!) grandparents and other relations, then being born "out of wedlock" is not going to make any difference. You may as well just continue doing things your own way and ignore the daftness of DPs family...

onthewarpath · 04/12/2008 14:42

I do not see how the fact you are not married takes anything away to the fact that her brother's and your son (in that order intentionaly for HER to understand not out of disrespect to you) is the firts grandchild. Also agree with piscemoon.

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 04/12/2008 14:48

She sounds like a very silly woman. If you can ignore her comments or laugh them off, which is what they deserve, and which will annoy her without you looking argumentative or petty.

anniemac · 04/12/2008 15:08

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dingdongmerrilyonpie · 04/12/2008 15:10

YANBU she sounds like a right poisoness so and so.

Almost as nasty as the women in the leisure centre changing room who, a few years back, told me to "piss off, and take your illegitimate kids with you" - I was speechless.

MKG · 04/12/2008 15:12

YANBU--What century is she living in??

shootRudolphinthehip · 04/12/2008 15:16

What is this, the fifties? I can't believe the attitude of some people. The not getting engaged bit I do get despite it being silly but how can you be any more committed to someone than by having a child with them? Tell her to take a long walk off a short pier and to stop being so screwed up. Loser.

Santaslittlehelpersmum · 04/12/2008 15:18

YANBU she sounds like a right cow! that god I dont have one of those in my family! I really would try and not let her comments affect you (although you sound like you wouldnt anyway really)

Oh dear Dingdong no wonder you were speachless why are some people so nasty

SleighGirl · 04/12/2008 15:22

if you are now married then your dc are now legitmate anyway, that's why you have to register them when you marry.