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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have had a go at DD?

79 replies

GrandmasSoup · 04/12/2008 12:21

My DD has been away for the week. My sister took her to CentreParcs with her own DD of the same age.

Anyway I was sorting through her bag last night and she has brought home a load of USED santitary towels! I was livid and asked why she would do that and she got all defensive and said she didn't know where else to put them.

Am I being too hard on her?

OP posts:

psychohohohoho · 04/12/2008 13:10

it was sad likesleep, but if anything, it makes me a better parent for my DD's.

thankyou for the sympathy tho.

misshardbroom · 04/12/2008 13:11

Your poor DD!

If you don't remember being 13 and mortified about anyone knowing you had your period, then lucky you.

I was way too embarrassed to tell my (lovely) mum that I'd started so used to spend my lunch money on sanitary towels.

Sounds like she needs a cuddle, and an apology from you, and some sound advice about better disposal options.

wideratthehips · 04/12/2008 13:13

its not the nicest thing to find but she was probably at a loss as to what to do when she was away...why else would she choose to bring them home.

it doesn't sound like she couldn't be arsed and had just slung them in her bag.

tred carefully with a 13 year old...the harder you are on her about little things the more likely she could become secretive about important things.

you shouldn't have discussed it with anyone else in RL its no one elses buisness.

shes your child and needs a bit of guidance

DandyLioness · 04/12/2008 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 04/12/2008 13:19

I started my periods on holiday. On the way home we stopped overnight but couldn't find a place with enough beds available. My DB and I were in one B&B and my parents in another. That night I started my period and bled all over the sheet. I was horrified. I got up, dressed and ran over to my parents B&B and just sobbed. Mum dried my eyes, walked back with me, stripped the sheets, explained to the owner and offered to pay for some more sheets. She made it all better. That's the sort of thing a 13yr old girl needs, not anger and humiliation.

unavailable · 04/12/2008 13:29

Orm - Your mum sounds lovely.

I had nasty experiences when I started my periods (nuns at catholic school) and really feel for OP's daughter. That was several decades ago and I did think things had moved on.
I think OP should apologise to daughter and stop discussing what her daughter sees as embarassing and private issues with other family members. Talk to your daughter instead.

annoyingdevil · 04/12/2008 14:00

FFS it's not disgusting. It's blood that nourishes a baby for 9 mths. Yes, it's unhygenic to leave used towels lying around, but the poor girl probably has no idea how to dispose of them.

bozza · 04/12/2008 14:04

The very reason I have a bin in my downstairs toilet is to provide any visitors with somewhere to dispose of their used sanpro. Because what do you do otherwise? I don't use it because I would use my en-suite for this type of thing and also have a mooncup.

herbietea · 04/12/2008 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

dingdong05 · 04/12/2008 14:08

I agree ormirian.
Say sorry to your poor dd. Tell her why you got so upset but camly, and accept the fact that your disgust is your problem.
I knew girls of that age who wouldn't even buy toilet paper if their mum sent them out for it. It basically told the world they used the loo and that was mortifying. You screaming and telling your dd she's disgusting is not helpful.
I really hope you take some of these posts on board.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 04/12/2008 14:11

Unreasonable and vile. Your poor daughter.

piscesmoon · 04/12/2008 14:13

I feel so sorry for your DD,I would have done exactly the same at her age. I would give her a big cuddle and apologise.

Habbibu · 04/12/2008 14:19

YABU - your poor daughter. I think you need to apologise, both for being angry with her, and also for telling other members of your family what she did. It's hard at that age to feel totally at ease with periods, and she probably didn't know what to do for the best.

And I'd get this thread deleted too, if you think she may ever chance to read MN - you've gone and told everyone now. Poor wee soul...

Webstermum · 04/12/2008 14:24

Of course you know the answer or you wouldn't be asking would you? Your poor DD. I hope when she gets home you apologise & give her lots of love & cuddles. That's enoughto screw a girl up for life being made to feel dirty & useless but its not too late to make amends. As for Mum & sister leave them out of it-being a teenager is hard enough without the whole world knowing your troubles.

ComeWhineWithMe · 04/12/2008 14:30

My mum never spoke to me about periods ,luckily I had an excellent Godmother who told me about them before I started or I would have thought I was dying or something .

When I did start my mum went and got me some pads and left me to it . I struggled for years with embarrsing leaks and no real sanitary protection because my Mum would only occasionally throw a pack of pads on the bed . I can remember using wads and wads of loo roll and been scared to stand up in school in case I had leaked .
I also used to hide soiled knickers and pads because I didn't know what to do with them then my Mum would give me a bollocking when she found them.

You really do sound like an excellent Mother and I really feel for your dd . I hope you are a troll but I know from my childhood that idiots like you exist and try and make periods a dirty thing .

rookiemater · 04/12/2008 14:36

YABU. I remember when I was about 13 we went to visit relatives in the USA. I had started my periods and they were very heavy but at that time pain free. Anyway I ended up bleeding through the sheets and the mattress had to be cleaned which I think me and my Mum did though you never really get blood out of a mattress.

I was embarassed enough about the whole thing and then was utterly humiliated when my Dad had a go at for me about not waking up, as if it was something I had any control over.

jempurd · 04/12/2008 14:53

Suddenly you made me appreciate my Mum a LOT more.

She is just a little girl and you hav been very unkind to her, poor thing.

She was probably mortified at bringing them home, and if you had been adult about the situation you would have disposed of them without fuss and educated her on what to do next time.

And to add to the poor girls embarrassment her nan and auntie know too.

Shame on you

Webstermum · 04/12/2008 14:57

If she was away with your sister she's not much of an Auntie either? Says it all really if your Mum & sister think your in the right

chenin · 04/12/2008 15:01

I can't get over the fact that there are some posters on here saying they can understand why you were angry and, yes, it is disgusting.

FFS, it's not disgusting... it's a bit of blood and a natural thing that all females go through! Why are ppl so squeamish.. it's not gonna kill you! To bring home a few in a bag is no big thing... it just doesn't matter. Surely you have been somewhere where there is no bin and you have had to bring a used towel wrapped in toilet paper home in your handbag? If you were at someones house and there wasn't a bin, there is no other option sometimes.

It hardly matters... my DDs have done this before and they are older than your DD.

What matters is her feelings and you obv aren't taking those into account.

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 04/12/2008 15:04

yabu
what an odd thing to be angry about

2AdventSevenfoldShoes · 04/12/2008 15:06

yabu
what an odd thing to be angry about

Illhavethisinsize12 · 04/12/2008 15:09

fancy telling everyone. poor girl, she will stop telling you things if you keep blabbing

MadamDeathstarOverBethlehem · 04/12/2008 15:13

YABVU and telling your her grandmother and aunt was a horrible thing to do. Who on earth goes out of their way to embarrass their child and make them look bad in front of the rest of their family?

Your dd will not want to tell you anything about herself soon, as she knows you will just gossip about it to everyone.

Salleroo · 04/12/2008 15:20

YABVU. Livid, get a grip. She didnt bring home used condoms.

The poor child, she's doomed with you as a mother. I hope she has someone else to confide in, learn from, 'cos you're a freak.

ComeOVeneer · 04/12/2008 15:21

oh fgs..... IT IS A TROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

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