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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had a go at DD?

79 replies

GrandmasSoup · 04/12/2008 12:21

My DD has been away for the week. My sister took her to CentreParcs with her own DD of the same age.

Anyway I was sorting through her bag last night and she has brought home a load of USED santitary towels! I was livid and asked why she would do that and she got all defensive and said she didn't know where else to put them.

Am I being too hard on her?

OP posts:
ComeOVeneer · 04/12/2008 12:33

Sorry why did you "need too" tellanyone? And did you join mn especially to post about this ?

bozza · 04/12/2008 12:34

"She went to school upset saying I always tell everyone about everything she does. If she didn't do such daft things, I wouldn't need to. "

So she knows you told her Grandma and Auntie. No wonder she is upset. She was already embarassed about it, obviously, to ahve done what she did in the first place, so you just go and make it worse.

combustiblelemon · 04/12/2008 12:35

I really hope you're trolling. Otherwise you're just a shit mother.

notnowbernard · 04/12/2008 12:35

If she's a troll, I've gotta say it's one of the WEIRDEST ones I've come across

I mean, who THINKS UP these things?!!

likessleep · 04/12/2008 12:35

If you are serious, I do think doing things like this will gradually force your daughter not to confide in you. She needs to trust you, not worry that you are going to have a go at her (for something that isn't wrong, but just symptomatic of being a teenager), but to give her guidance and support.
Being a teen is difficult enough. Be there for her.

cheeseandsproutssarnie · 04/12/2008 12:36

you wouldnt like the idea of the cloth san pro i use then op?

DandyLioness · 04/12/2008 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nopaddle · 04/12/2008 12:36

Am I the only adult who sometimes finds it embarrassing disposing of sanitary products in other people's houses???

If you're in a bathroom with no bin what do you do? I've been known to wrap them in toilet paper and try to find a bin later rather than risk blocking the toilet.

Give the girl a break, she's only 13. Why you felt the need to speak to your mum and SIL I can't imagine. Poor girl. Sounds to me like she needs a bit more TLC from you and from the other adults she was with.

Boobalina · 04/12/2008 12:36

YABU, she is only 13 and still a CHILD. You hunilated her by making her feel that having periods are'dirty' and 'disgusting' and made it worse by humilating her further by telling her grandmother and Aunty.

They were used sanitary towels bought home by a self concious and embarassed CHILD

Say sorry and dont discuss her private matters with all and sundry - otherwise she will lose trust in you adn also feel she is dirty and disgusting for turning into a woman.

You've been out of order.

hecate · 04/12/2008 12:37

ok, so why did she not follow the instructions you gave her when she started having periods - about how to dispose of them?

You did talk her through the whole procedure and make sure she understood, right? How to deal with being in different situations? You need to find out why she felt unable to follow your advice.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/12/2008 12:38

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TheProvincialLady · 04/12/2008 12:38

Standard MN advice on this subject: Get her a mooncup

psychohohohoho · 04/12/2008 12:38

she should be doing her own bag, but then my teens don;t (well, not quickly enough for me when I like to unload it and wash it all the minute they get home from scout camp, but then I appreciate that it is my issue rather than theirs!).

did you actually give her time to unpack??

I have to say, I would be extra-ordinarily embarrassed for myself if that happened to my DD1 as I clearly have not helped her understand how to dispose of them properly in situations away from the home.

I buy her boxes of 'pop-ins', basically little bags similar to nappy-sacks to put your soiled sanitary stuff into. and it can then go in the bin, hidden. She carries them with her in a little bag with her towels in so she is never caught short.

I think you need to sit down with her and explain, calmly, rather than lose your temper and broadcast it to the family that you think her disgusting.

Boobalina · 04/12/2008 12:40

and if you are a troll - you a fucking weird.

NotTooTiredForChristmas · 04/12/2008 12:40

Your poor dd .

YABVU.

psychohohohoho · 04/12/2008 12:41

oh, and YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

your poor poor DD

plinkplinkfizzpops · 04/12/2008 12:42

Judging by your response to your DD's predicament I imagine that she doesn't generally feel able to ask your advice about things like this - not least for fear of ridicule.

If anything could have made her feel worse and more embarassed it was how you dealt with the situation. It might not be a particularly pleasant thing to come across but she obviously was doing her best.

Poor girl

morningpaper · 04/12/2008 12:42

what psycho said

CatchaStar · 04/12/2008 12:44

She's 13! She was probably too embarassed to leave them if she was away with her Aunt and cousin. I don't think you've made it any more comfortable for her, poor girl's probably dying of embarassment right now! And you felt the need to tell other people.

Don't you remember what it's like being that age? A little understanding and compassion in future perhaps? And maybe, let her unpack her own bag?

Sorry, but yes I do think you were unreasonable.

mmelody · 04/12/2008 12:47

My DD is 13 and if she did the same I would have been concerned for her that she was embarrassed to dispose of them on the holiday... I certainly wouldnt tell anyone. YABU

egypt · 04/12/2008 12:53

glad you're not my mum

psychohohohoho · 04/12/2008 12:54

you know, the more I think of this the sadder I feel for your DD, and the more angry I feel at the way you handled it.

I was made to feel dirty and disgusting by my aunt when I started my periods (my aunt raised me), and I was not allowed to have a bath or wash my hair when I had my period and also had to wash all my own clothes (my undies by hand), as I would contaminate the rest of the family. I had a hidious time, and it make me even more sensitive regarding my own daughters and reading about other teen girls.

It is horrible enough for them starting their periods really. It is not exactly made nice for them at school half the time as school toilets are so unhygenic, and then add in a mother without any comapassion, what a dreadful time.

I have only one rule with my DD1 regarding her period, that she feel able to talk to me without embarrasment as, at the end of the day, I also have periods as to all women, so it is a natural process that we all go thro.

Oh, and another rule, she needs to let me know when she is 'on', (and vice-versa), as then we both get heads-up on when the other will come on........we are within 24hrs of each other now!

beanieb · 04/12/2008 12:55

I'm 38 and I still do this sometimes. I don't like flushing them down the loo and sometimes there just aren't those bins available.

ShauntheSheep · 04/12/2008 13:08

If my mum had done such a thing to me at that age I've have been really upset. Imagine havign to meet up with aunty adn gran after somethign liek that esp if you are already embarrased. Periods can be a very pivate things for some girls. Your reaction is totally OTT and I cant see why you are livid. What she did seems pretty sensible to me given the situation and not in teh least bit disgusting. Its only some blood after all.

likessleep · 04/12/2008 13:08

psychohohoho